
M€ORKECT-THINGlf 



#^ GoodjSo ciety 



%$£ i \ ; - i/o We Hall 




3>-3 us^ 

Book ,HjJL4 



THE CORRECT THING 



Three Valuable and In- 
structive Books by Well 
Known Writers 

THE CORRECT THING, 

By Florence Howe Hall 

{A n Entirely New Edition) 

Net 75c ; By mail, 82c 
SOCIAL CUSTOMS . . $1.50 

A Complete Manual of A merle an Etiquette 

By Florence Howe Hall 

SOCIAL ETHICS AND SOCI- 
ETY DUTIES .... $2.00 
By Mrs. H. O. Ward 

Published by 
DANA ESTES & COMPANY 

Estes Press, Summer Street 
Boston, Mass. 




fln (Soofc Society P 



Florence Howe Hall 

Author of" Social Customs " 





Boston 

Dana Estes & Company 
Pu b lis her s 



^r 




THF LIBRARY OF 
CONGRESS, 

H EOEIVED 

26 1902 

a Copyright entry 

C« ^SSiV XXo/No. 

3 ff / T.JT 
COPY B. 






Copyright, igo2 
By Dana Estes & Company 

All rights reserved 



THE CORRECT THING 

Published, July, 1902 



GDolontei press 

Electrotyped and Printed by C. H. Simonds & Co. 

Boston, Mass., U. S. A. 



CONTENTS 



At the Writing - Desk 

In Invitations .... 

When Making Calls . 

In Conversation .... 

In Speech 

In the Family Circle 
-At a Dinner 

At Table 

At a Dance 

At Afternoon Tea or Reception 
At Luncheon .... 
In Marriage - Engagements 
For a Wedding .... 
In Matters of Dress 
In the Street . 
When Travelling 



12 
24 
34 

58 
64 
74 
102 
130 
152 
168 
180 
192 
198 
222 
238 
252 



Contents 



PAGE 


When Travelling in Street - Cars . . 268 


In the Business World 




272 


In Shopping .... 






282 


In Mourning . . . • 






288 


At a Club .... 






302 


At College .... 






312 


At a Coeducational College 






324 


At School .... 






326 


At a Boarding -School 






332 


At a Woman's Club . 






336 



BREVITY is the soul of wit; but a soul cannot 
do without a body in our mortal world. If 
therefore, in this brief treatise matters are so con- 
densed that he who runs (or rides) may read, it must 
evidently be with the understanding that the reader 
shall give the body of his own intelligence to the soul 
of these short sentences. Condensation is often im- 
portant for convenience in carrying with us material 
for future expansion. In the little work here offered, 
it has been attempted on this ground. The result 
sought will not be attained unless those who may 
take the book in hand shall themselves supply the 
expanding force of sympathy and intelligent appre- 
hension, reading between the lines, and even across 
the page, since neither the positive nor the negative 
statements are complete in themselves, each needing 
the complement of its opposite. 



PREFACE 

FOURTEEN years have elapsed since the first 
edition of this little book was published. Dur- 
ing that time so many changes have taken place in 
manners and social customs, that a revision seems 
desirable. 

With the increase in the wealth of our country, 
has come increased expenditure by our people, show- 
ing itself in a more expensive style of living, and in 
greater show and circumstance on certain occasions. 
On the other hand, the taste of Americans has be- 
come more refined, and the vulgarity of ostentation 
is more generally recognized. Elegance of appoint- 
ment, decoration and service characterize modern 
entertainments, rather than the crude display of a 
somewhat rude plenty, and of heterogeneous though 
gorgeous ornamentation. In a word, quality is now 
sought for rather than quantity, and greater sim- 
plicity prevails in some directions. Indeed in a 
democratic country like our own, a dignified sim- 
plicity of life and manners seems especially appro- 
priate, and doubtless these are to be found all over 
our broad land. High thinking and plain living are 
still esteemed among us, despite the growth of luxury, 

9 



io (preface 

while modern physicians prescribe the latter (z. e. 
plain living), even to their most fashionable clients. 

Our increasing familiarity with the customs of the 
older world, as well as the scientific tendency of the 
times, makes us more inclined to do all things " ex- 
actly and in order." Hence we place an increased 
value on etiquette or the observance of proper forms. 

It is to be feared that the manners of Americans 
in public places are not improving in all respects. 
Owing doubtless to a misunderstanding on the part 
of men, of the views and aims of the new woman, as 
she is called, and perhaps to a display of too great 
energy and self-confidence on her part, there is per- 
ceptible in some of our cities a tendency to treat the 
fair sex with diminished courtesy. Our American men 
are at heart so generous toward women, and therefore 
so chivalrous in the best sense of the word, that we 
may trust to time and a better mutual understanding, 
to overcome the friction consequent upon the changed 
position of woman. 

The author has revised " The Correct Thing" with 
much care, giving new customs and fashions, while 
not necessarily condemning the old. It is her hope 
and belief that the book will be of use to many of 
her countrymen and countrywomen. 

The Author of Social Customs. 



i2 Z$e Correct £#ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To use good jet-black ink. 

To use handsome, thick, plain white paper. 
Many smart people now use. for ordinary corre- 
spondence, granite paper ; for formal notes, fine 
delicate bond paper, or linen, in white, or in any 
very delicate color, such as very pale gray, with 
silver address or monogram. 

To fold and direct a letter neatly, and to put 
on the stamp evenly, and in the proper corner. 

To put on as many stamps as the weight of 
the letter or parcel demands. 

For the autograph fiend to enclose a stamped 
and directed envelope when writing to his in- 
tended victim. 

To enclose a stamp when writing to a stranger 
on your own business. 

To use sealing-wax. if you know how to make 
a fair and handsome seal. 

According to a recent fashion, to address an 
envelope to a married lady, u Mrs. Seward, Care 
of Theodore Seward. Esq." 



<&f f#e T3?rifing^e5ft i 



j 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To use pale or colored ink. 

To use ruled note-paper, except for business 
communications. 

To use note-paper of bright, variegated, or 
very dark colors, or envelopes of eccentric 
shape. 

To use a monogram or other device on an 
envelope. 

To use stamped or yellow envelopes, except 
for familiar or business correspondence. 

To mail a letter without a stamp on it. 

To use sealing-wax if you don't know how, or 
if you have not time to make the seal carefully. 

To make a seal with a thimble or other mis- 
cellaneous object not intended for the purpose. 

To direct an envelope wrong side up. 

To use postal cards for private correspond- 
ence. 

To write only the first letters of a word, and 
to represent the remainder by a series of unin- 
telligible loops or runs. 



14 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To fold a letter right-side up, so that the 
person who receives it will not be obliged to turn 
it, after taking it out of the envelope, before he 
can read it. 

To use postal cards for ordinary business 
communication s. 

To use black-edged note-paper when one is in 
mourning. 

To write legibly. 

To write straight. 

To spell correctly. 

To write numbers, dates, and proper names 
with especial care and distinctness. 

To date a letter at the beginning, on the right- 
hand side, and a note at the end on the left- 
hand. 

To use both the day of the week and that of 
the month when dating a letter, and in a busi- 
ness communication to give the year also. 

To use a monogram or device on note-paper, 
either with or without the address. 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To write a dunning, threatening, or faultfind- 
ing communication on a postal card. 

To cultivate a clerklike or commercial hand, 
except for business correspondence. 

To write a business communication on a 
postal card, where it may annoy the recipient 
to have his business or occupation thus publicly 
set forth. 

To write in hieroglyphics. 

To write up hill and down dale. 

To use a great number of flourishes. 

To imitate the handwriting of another person 
to such a degree as to lose the original character 
of one's own. 

To sign a letter with a nickname, — such as 
" Mamie," " Bessy," etc., — unless when writing 
to an intimate friend. 

To sign a friendly letter, written to an equal, 
" Your obedient servant," or " Yours respect- 
fully." 

To underline or accent words frequently. 



1 6 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To have one's address engraved at the top 
of one's note or letter paper, using colored or 
embossed white letters for ordinary correspond- 
ence, gold and silver for formal notes. 

To give one's full address when writing to 
a person who does not know it, and from whom 
an answer is desired. 

To sign a letter with the full name, or with 
the last name and initials. 

For a lady to sign her last name and initials, 
instead of her Christian name, when writing to 
a comparative stranger, to a younger person, 
to a servant, or when writing on business. 

To sign a business letter, "Your obedient 
servant," x " Yours very truly," " Yours very sin- 
cerely," " Yours respectfully," or " Yours truly." 

1 " Your obedient servant " is now little used in this 
country save in official letters, when the signature would 
be, in writing to the President of the United States, for 
instance, " I have the honour to remain your most 
obedient servant." 



V 



(&t t$e TErtfing^esft 17 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To write " My Dear Sir." It should be " My 
dear Sir," or " Dear Sir." 

To abbreviate words. " And " should never 
be written "&," nor "which" "wh," etc. 

To use slang. 

To say, " I take my pen in hand." 

To sign a letter, "Very Sincerely, Sarah 
Jones," omitting the " Yours." 

To begin the first sentence of a letter or note 
with a small letter. 

To cross a letter. It is inexcusable to do so, 
when postage and paper are both so cheap. 

To write in haste where one can possibly avoid 
it, unless to intimate friends. Besides the liabil- 
ity to make mistakes or to express one's meaning 
imperfectly, haste implies a lack of formality, 
and therefore of respect for one's correspondent. 

To use figures to express quantities, as " 4 
quarts." 

To write a letter in the third person, and sign 
it in the first. 



1 8 tfyi Correct Zfyinq, 

It is the Correct Thing 

To sign a letter to a superior, " Yours respect- 
fully." 

To avoid beginning a letter with the pro- 
noun "I." 

For ladies to write a large, free hand, accord- 
ing to the present fashion. 

To preface a business letter with the name 
and address of your correspondent. 

To make the signature correspond with the 
general tone of the letter; that is, to sign a 
formal letter in a formal but courteous manner, 
and a friendly or affectionate letter in a friendly 
manner. 

To use figures for giving dates or the number 
of a house or street. 1 

To direct a letter to a married lady with her 
husband's full name, or last name and initials. 

1 Custom now sanctions writing out in full the day of 
the month, when dating a letter, as " January thirteenth," 
though it is by no means obligatory to do so. The 
numbered streets are now written in letters — as Twelfth 
Street. 



(&i tyt Wrtfing^esft 19 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To write anonymous letters, even with a good 
intention. It is considered very cowardly to 
do so. 

For those who do not belong to the Society 
of Quakers or Friends, to begin a letter " Dear 
Friend," instead of " Dear Sir," or " Dear Mr. 
Jones." 

To use " he," " she," etc., first for one person, 
and then for another, in the same sentence. 

To put the most important part of a letter in 
the postscript. 

To write the number of the year in full, as 
" Nineteen hundred and blank," since this seems 
affected and exaggerated. 

To direct a letter to a married lady, using her 
own name or initials. 

For a married lady, in a business correspond- 
ence, to omit to give, in each letter, her husband's 
initials, and take offense when she is addressed 
according to her signature. 



20 £0e Correct ZfyitiQ 

It is the Correct Thing 

To address a letter to a clergyman, " Rev. 
Simeon Dix," and to a doctor of divinity, " Rev. 
Thomas King, D. D.," to a bishop, " Right 
Rev. Silas Linworth, D. D.," to a judge, member 
of Congress, mayor of a city, or member of a 
State legislature, " Hon. Montclair Smith," and 
in the case of a member of Congress, to add 
M. C. after the name. 

To write "Rev. and Mrs. T. J. Sawyer," or 
" Dr. and Mrs. Paul Jones." 

To write " Esq." after a gentleman's name 
when addressing any letter except a note of 
invitation, and when he has no other title. 

To remember that a written communication is 
necessarily more formal than a verbal one, and 
therefore must be uniformly courteous, and should 
rarely contain jokes or personal allusions which 
might be misconstrued. 

To write " Please address Mrs. or Miss J. T." 
where it is desirable to let your correspondent 
know by what title to address you. 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To address a letter to a bishop " Bishop Pot- 
ter," or to a doctor of divinity " Dr. Clarke." 

To address an army or navy officer by the 
title belonging to a lower grade than his own. 

To write when angry, or to write threatening 
letters, thus getting one's self into much trouble, 
and perhaps incurring lawsuits. 

To write " Mrs. Rev. Thomas Sawyer," or 
"Mrs. Dr. Paul Jones," or "Margaret Deland," 
omitting "Mrs." 

To write long letters, save possibly to intimate 
friends. 

To write familiarly to persons whom one does 
not know well, to one's elders, or to those who 
occupy a high position. 

To write a letter, and say nothing in it. 

To grumble or find fault on paper. 

To sign one's name with any title prefixed, as 
" Mrs.," " Miss," " Mr.," etc. 



22 £0e Correct €§inz 

It is the Correct Thing 

To answer all letters promptly. 

To remember that "the written word remains," 
and therefore to write with due caution and 
clearness. 

To be concise, but never curt. 

To remember that the adoption of a courteous 
and dignified tone shows greater self-respect 
than would the assumption of an undue famil- 
iarity. 

To avoid egotism on paper, as elsewhere. 

To read over letters before sending them off. 

To write to a friend or hostess after making 
a visit at her house, thanking her for her hos- 
pitality. 

In addressing a business communication to a 
writer, business or professional woman, to use 
her own name, instead of her husband's, when 
she herself uses it in business. 



®f (0e TErifing^esft 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To omit to leave a margin on the left side, 
when writing a business letter, especially if it is 
to a person of the old school. 

To write " Present," " Addressed," " Kindness 
of Mr. Grimes," or " Favored by Mr. Jones," on 
a letter which is to be delivered by a private 
messenger. These superscriptions are going 
rapidly out of fashion, though still used by some 
people. 

To write long letters to prominent people upon 
whose valuable time one has no just claim, ask- 
ing them a variety of questions, or requesting an 
autograph copy of a poem. 



24 £0e Correct £0mg 

It is the Correct Thing 

To send out all the invitations for an entertain- 
ment at the same time, as nearly as it is possible 
to do so, and to send them out in good season. 

To issue invitations for a large dinner in the 
gay season, a month, for a large reception or 
ball, three weeks beforehand, in a large city. 

To use plain cards or note paper, engraved in 
plain script J for any large or formal occasion, 
such as a reception, ball, dinner, etc. 

To invite guests to a luncheon or dinner by 
means of written invitations, if one prefer to do so. 

To write a note of invitation with great care, 
on rather small plain white paper of the best 
quality, and to pay special attention to spacing 
and dividing the words correctly. Thus " Dr. 
and Mrs. L. B. Fox " must all be written on the 
same line. 

To write "Mrs. T. H. Johnson requests the 
pleasure of Mr. Z. K.'s company." 

1 Old English and Roman letters have once more come 
into fashion. 



% 3nfcifaftons 25 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To invite any one, save an intimate friend, at 
the eleventh hour. If a dinner-guest disappoint 
you at the last moment, no one will be compli- 
mented by an invitation given merely to fill a 
vacant place. 

To issue invitations for an entertainment at 
such a late hour that the guests will receive them 
after they have made other arrangements for the 
day named, or perhaps after the entertainment 
is over. 

To invite some guests in good season, and 
others at the eleventh hour. In this case the 
latter will feel themselves insulted rather than 
complimented by the invitation. 

To use the phrase " presents his compliments," 
although some people still use it. 

To write " Mrs. T. H. Johnson requests the 
pleasure of your company." 



26 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a bachelor to " request the honor " in in- 
vitations addressed to ladies, or he may " request 
the pleasure." 

To invite in the name of the hostess alone, 
except for weddings or dinner-parties. 1 

To invite in the names of both host and hostess 
for a wedding or a dinner-party. 

For a young lady who is no longer very young 
to issue invitations for a tea. 

For a widower to issue invitations for recep- 
tions and dinners in his own name and that 
of his eldest daughter, if she has been for 
some years in society, or in his own name 
alone. 

In accordance with the new custom, to send 
invitations through the post-office, if one prefer 
to do so, in which case they should be enclosed 
in two envelopes. 

1 Invitations to an evening reception, or to a dance 
given in a public hall, should also be sent in the name of 
both host and hostess. 



3n Sulfations 27 

It is not the Correct Thing 
For a bachelor to issue " At Home " cards. 



To issue invitations for a wedding or a dinner 
in the name of the hostess alone. 



For a very young lady to issue invitations in 
her own name. 

For a young lady to invite gentlemen in her 
own name, instead of saying that she writes at 
the request of her mother or chaperone. 

To send dinner-invitations by post ; J some 
persons still send all invitations by private hand. 

To address a note of invitation to " Mrs. T. L. 
James and family" although it is sometimes 
done. The form is an undesirable one, and 
should be avoided if possible. 

1 It is becoming more and more the custom to use the 
post, even for dinner-invitations. 



28 £0e Comet €§inq 

It is the Correct Thing 

To use the word " ball " for a public or sub- 
scription ball. 

To address an invitation or other letter which 
is to be delivered by a private hand, with the 
number of the house and the name of the street, 
but not with that of the city or town. 

To write " R. s. v. p." * below an invitation, 
where an answer is especially desired. The 
English use the phrase " The favor of an answer 
is requested." 

To send general invitations — that is, invita- 
tions to large general occasions, weddings, etc. 
— to persons in mourning. Such invitations are 
sent by way of compliment merely. 

To answer an invitation to a dinner or a formal 
luncheon at once, and to accept or refuse it defi- 
nitely. 

To answer all invitations, save " At Home " or 
wedding-cards, promptly. 

1 It is said that the use of these initials is going some- 
what out of fashion. 



3n 3n&tfafions 29 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To use the word " ball " in invitations to an 
entertainment given by a private individual. 

To address an invitation to " Miss " or " Mrs. 
Smith and escort" 

To address an invitation to a gentleman and 
his wife ox fiancee, " Mr. Peters and lady" 

To write " R. s. v. p." on an invitation to 
dinner, or on an " At Home " card. 



To send invitations to a household within a 
month after a death has occurred in it. 

To send invitations to dinners or luncheons to 
people who are in real affliction and in deep 
mourning. 

To answer " At Home " cards or invitations to 
afternoon teas, unless an answer is requested. 

To answer an invitation to a wedding-reception, 
unless requested to do so, or unless it is to be a 
very small occasion. 



30 £0e Correct Zfyinq 

It is the Correct Thing 

To accept a first invitation whenever it is 
possible to do so. 

For people in deep mourning to refuse an in- 
vitation without giving a reason, and also to send 
their visiting-cards, with a black border, on the 
day of the entertainment, thus showing the reason 
of their refusal. 

To accept or regret your inability to do so, in 
the present tense. 

To use the phrase " regrets extremely that a 
previous engagement must deprive him of the 
pleasure of accepting," or "that absence from 
the city must prevent his accepting," etc. 

To direct an answer to an invitation to the 
person or persons in whose name it is given, 
whether you know them or not 

If a person is unable, through illness, a death 
in the family, or any other sufficiently serious 
cause, to keep a dinner-engagement, to write at 
once or telegraph to the giver of the entertain- 
ment. 



3n 3nfcifaftons 31 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To answer an invitation to a dinner, a formal 
luncheon, breakfast, or supper, in a doubtful or 
hesitating manner. 

To refuse an invitation without giving a rea- 
son for doing so. 

To write " will accept " or " will prevent his 
accepting. " 

To use the words " avail " or " preclude " in 
answering an invitation. 

To " decline" an invitation. 1 

To abbreviate in writing or answering an 
invitation, 

To send an answer to an invitation to the mem- 
ber of a family whom you know, when it was 
written in the name of some other member. 

To leave out the day, or for a dinner or lunch 
the hour, in answering an invitation, since a mis- 
take might thus arise. 



1 It is sometimes done, at the present time, although 
the older form " unable to accept " is more courteous. 



32 £0e Cottut Zfyim 

It is the Correct Thing 

In sending invitations to an entire family, to 
address one to the husband and wife, one to the 
daughter or daughters, and a third to the brother 
or brothers. 

To direct notes of invitation to " Mr. B. J." 

To write " Miss Brown and brother, " although 
most gentlemen, especially if they have been in 
society for some years, prefer to have a separate 
note of invitation sent to them. Where there are 
several brothers living together, to address one 
invitation to them collectively, as "The Messrs. 
Smith," or to address one to each of them, the 
latter method being preferred, at the present time. 

To send a separate invitation, addressed to his 
residence or club, to a young gentleman who 
lives in the same city with his parents, but not 
in the same house. 

To answer all invitations courteously and with 
due formality, making the answer correspond 
with the form of the invitation. 

To invite one unmarried member of a family 
without the rest, to a dinner or a luncheon. 



3n Invitations 33 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To answer a note of invitation on business- 
paper. 

To send a verbal answer to a written invitation. 

To direct a note of invitation to " B. J., Esq." 

To write " Misses Brown and Brothers " on 
an invitation. 

To send a separate invitation to every member 
of a large family, where there are a number of 
brothers and sisters. It would look ostentatious 
to do so. 

To answer an invitation on a visiting-card, or 
to write " regrets " on one. 

To invite a gentleman without his wife, or a 
lady without her husband, unless it be to an 
entertainment where gentlemen alone or ladies 
alone are invited. 

To invite one member of a family only, to a 
large reception, where a visiting acquaintance 
exists between the two families. 



34 t§t Correct tfyiw 

It is the Correct Thing 

To use perfectly plain visiting-cards, of fine 
pasteboard, engraved in plain script. 1 

In an emergency, if obliged to use a written 
visiting-card, to write one's name with pencil, 
rather than with pen and ink, since the use of the 
latter would seem to imply deliberate purpose. 

For a gentleman to use a smaller card than 
a lady, and one narrower in proportion to its 
length. 

For a gentleman to prefix " Mr." to his name 
on a visiting-card. 

For an officer in the army or navy, a physician, 
a judge, or a minister of the gospel to use his 
title on a visiting-card. 

To use the full name on a visiting-card, as 
" Mrs. Joel Cotton Smith," " Miss Clara Howard 
Jameson." 

For a lady to prefix " Mrs." or " Miss," as the 
case may be, to her name on a visiting-card. 

1 Old English and Roman letters have again come into 
fashion, after a long period of disuse. 



<W0en Rafting Caffe 35 

It is not the Correct Thing 
To use glazed or enamelled visiting-cards. 

To use cards with any fancy device upon them, 
cards of irregular shape, or those with a border 
of any sort, — such as an embossed border or a 
gilt edge. 

To use visiting-cards that are printed or written 
by hand, instead of engraved. 

To use militia or other complimentary titles on 
a visiting-card. 

To use a nickname on a visiting-card, as " Miss 
Hatty Jones," H Mr. Tom Bridges." 

For an American citizen to use a coat-of-arms 
on a visiting-card. 

For a married man to have his address en- 
graved on his personal cards, left in connection 
with the joint card of his wife and himself. 

For a lady to have her name engraved "Mary 
Brown," without any prefix. 



36 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a married lady to use her husband's full 
name or last name and initials. 

For a gentleman, a married lady, or a young 
lady who has been for some time in society, to 
have his, or her, address engraved on a visiting- 
card. 

For a married couple to have a card engraved 
" Mr. and Mrs. John Smith " to be used for 
formal visiting. 

For a young or single gentleman to put the 
name of his club on his card, rather than his 
own residence, if more convenient or agreeable 
to do so. 

For a widow to use either her husband's or 
her own initials or name on her card. She has 
no legal right to use the former, but public senti- 
ment is in favor of allowing her to do so. 

For residents in a small suburban town to put 
the name of it on their cards, where these are to 
be used in a neighboring city, in order to avoid 
confusion. 



T20en (gtafting Caffs 37 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For a married lady to use her own Christian 
name or her own initials on a visiting-card. 

To put a college degree on a visiting-card as 
"A. B." "Ph. D.," etc. 

For a single woman who is a physician to have 
"Mary Brown, M. D." instead of "Dr. Mary 
Brown " on her visiting-card, although it is 
sometimes done. 

For a very young lady to have her address on 
a visiting-card. 

For the wife of a younger brother or of a 
younger member of a family to put " Mrs. Sum- 
ner" on her visiting-card. By doing so, she 
usurps a title which belongs only to the wife of 
the head of a family, or to a lady whose position 
is so distinguished that she can afford to dis- 
pense with initials. 

To have the name of a city or town engraved 
on a visiting-card. 



38 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a lady to have her reception-day engraved 
in the left-hand corner of the card. 

For a widow to use a card with " Mrs. John 
Smith, Sen.," on it, where she has a daughter-in- 
law who is also " Mrs. John Smith." 

For the eldest single woman belonging to the 
eldest branch of a family to use " Miss Esmond " 
on her card, or for the eldest daughter of a 
younger branch to do so, where there are no 
single women in the older branch. 

For a lady very prominent in society, or for 
the wife or widow of the eldest brother of a well- 
known family, to put simply " Mrs. Winthrop " 
on her card. 

For a young lady to have her name engraved 
below that of her mother on the same card ; as, — 

Mrs. Leonard Smith, 
Miss Smith. 

For husband and wife to have each a separate 
visiting-card in addition to their joint card. 



T2?0en (^tailing Caffs 39 



It is not the Correct Thing 



For the widow of Mr. John Smith to use a 
card with " Mrs. John Smith " on it, where she 
has a daughter-in-law who is also " Mrs. John 
Smith." 

For a single lady belonging to a cadet branch 
of a family to put " Miss Esmond " on her card, 
where there are single ladies in the older branches 
also. 



For a young lady to leave her own card with- 
out that of her mother or chaperone, when making 
formal calls during her first year in society. Ac- 
cording to strict etiquette, she does not need a 
separate card of her own during that time. 



40 £0e Correct £0tng 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a woman who is an ordained minister to 
have " Rev. Clara M. Scott " engraved on her 
card, instead of " Miss Scott" 

For a lady to leave her husband's cards, and 
those of her sons and daughters, in making the 
first call of the season. 1 

For a lady to leave her husband's cards, as 
well as her own, after a dinner-party. 

For a lady to leave two cards of her own, and 
two of her husband's, when calling at a house 
where there is more than one lady. 

For a lady to leave two of her husband's cards, 
when calling upon another married lady, — one 
for the latter, and one for her husband. 

For a lady to send up her card when calling 
upon a stranger. 

1 According to the latest usage, for a lady, in making a 
formal call, to leave one card*' Mr. and Mrs. Smith" for 
the lady of the house, a second of the same sort, if there 
are daughters or other ladies in the house, a card of her 
husband's, "Mr. Smith," for the lady of the house, and a 
second for the latter's husband. 



T»0en (gUfcing Caffs 41 



It is not the Correct Thing 



For a lady to leave two of her own cards when 
calling upon one lady. 



For a lady to leave more than three of her own 
cards at one house. 

For a lady to send up her card when calling on 
some one whom she already knows, instead of 
leaving it on the hall-table and sending up her 
name. It is constantly done, however, since few 
servants in this country are sufficiently well 
trained to remember the names of visitors, even 
for a few moments. 



4^ £tv Correct $0mg 

:::e;t Thing 

cards in calling upon 
l mothe: g own-up daughters, — one 

:he mother, and :he daughters. 

When caL. time upon se\ 

:s (who are not mother and da 
e a card for each. 

All, to le 
the cards of the gf v.mily on the 

hall-table. 

When calling upon a guest to leave a card for 
the hostess .. 

write on a c name of the person for 

whom it is intended, when leaving cai 

j« hotel, in order to prevent the possibili: 
a :v.:>:ake. 

call on ^ular reception-day : that 

> throughout 

the season for re; g 

r a married lady to leave two of : 
band's cards, when a gentleman is a member of 
the household v ' 5 c g 



T2?0en (Wafting Caffs 43 



It is not the Correct Thing 



To hand one's card to the hostess. 

To call upon a gueist without calling upon the 
lady of the house also, or at least leaving a card 
for her. 

To write on a card the name of the person for 
whom it is intended, when calling at a private 
residence. 

To leave cards at the door on a lady's regular 
weekly reception-day, without going in or asking 
to see her. 

For a person not especially invited to call on 
any one of a series of reception-days for which 
a lady has sent out special cards. 



44 £#e Correct ZfyinQ 

It is the Correct Thing 

To leave cards, without turning down either 
corners or ends. 

To leave or send cards on the day of a recep- 
tion to which one has been invited, but is unable 
to go on account of mourning, illness in the 
family, etc. 

To call within a week, and in person, after 
a dinner to which one has been invited. 

To call within a week after any entertainment 
to which one has been invited. ■ 

To show lenience toward young mothers with 
large families of little children, literary women, 
artists, and other professional women, as well 
as toward business men, if they fail to call as 
promptly or as frequently as strict etiquette 
would demand. 



1 Some ladies living in New York now drive to the 
door and leave cards, without asking whether the hostess 
is at home, except after an invitation to dinner or luncheon, 
or other " sit down " affair, which calls for a personal 
visit. 



T»0en (Wtafiing Caffs 45 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To leave cards bent up at one end, or turned 
down at the corners. It is no longer the fashion 
to do so. 



To send cards by mail after an invitation to 
dinner, or to omit to call promptly and in 
person. 

To omit calling or sending cards within a 
month after an entertainment to which one has 
been invited. 

In the opinion of many persons, to omit to 
call in person after any entertainment save an 
afternoon tea. 

For a young lady without special occupation, 
or for other persons of leisure, to neglect making 
the calls which custom prescribes. 

To make a practice of attending entertain- 
ments, and omitting to call afterward. 



46 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a lady, if admitted to make a call, to leave 
her card on the hall-table, and send her name up 
by the servant. 

Where one resides in a large city, to pay 
formal visits at least once a year, and in person 
if possible, upon all one's circle of visiting ac- 
quaintance, and to make additional calls where 
invitations are received. 

To give one or more receptions where one is 
unable to pay general calls. 

To enclose cards when inviting a new acquaint- 
ance upon whom one has never called, although 
it is better, — 

To call before sending out such an invitation. 

To call, after an engagement has been an- 
nounced, or a marriage has taken place, in the 
family of an acquaintance. 

For persons who are not intimate friends, to 
make inquiries at the door without asking for 
admission, and to leave cards for those who are 
in affliction. 



W0en (Staging Caffs 47 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To take offence where an acquaintance has 
omitted to call, but has sent an invitation, since 
it is a much greater compliment to invite a 
person to one's house, than it would be merely 
to make a call upon her. 

To pay formal calls in the morning. 

To wear a bicycle skirt, when paying formal 
calls. 



To Jail upon any one at an hour when he or 
she is usually engaged in household duties or in 
business or other vocations. 

To omit to call or send cards, after one has 
been invited to a wedding, or has received the 
announcement of one. 

For ordinary acquaintances to ask to see 
people who are in affliction, instead of simplv 
leaving their cards and making " kind inquiries " 
at the door. 



48 £0e Correct £0mg 

It is the Correct Thing 

To use a card with a black border when one 
is in mourning. 

To answer cards of condolence by enclosing 
mourning-cards in an envelope, and sending 
them to people who have called, after a proper 
lapse of time. 

To call upon an acquaintance who has recently 
returned from a prolonged absence in Europe or 
elsewhere. 

For the person who has been absent to make 
the first call, if she prefer to do so. 

To go in to the lunch-table if the frienc upon 
whom you are calling give you a cordial invita- 
tion to do so, or else to take your leave at once, 
in order that you may not play the part of dog 
in the manger. 

After a removal from one part of a city to 
another, to send out cards with one's new 
address upon them. This is now the custom in 
New York, but would of course be unnecessary 
in a small city. 



T2?0en (gluing Caffs 49 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To make formal calls when one is in deep 
mourning. 

To call early in the morning, late in the even- 
ing, or at any other unusual hour. 



To call at the lunch or dinner hour, unless 
specially invited to do so. 

When making a formal call, to say that you 
will wait until the person upon whom you are 
calling has finished dinner or lunch. 

For people who live at a distance from a city 
or town to expect the dwellers therein to come 
out to the country regularly for the purpose of 
making calls. 



50 £0e Correct Zfyim 

It is the Correct Thing 

To ascertain what are the prescribed hours 
for calling in the place where one is living, or 
making a visit, and to adhere to those hours. 
These are usually between three and six o'clock 
in large cities. Gentlemen call after five o'clock 
on their way home from business, in the evening, 
or on Sunday afternoon. 

To leave, or send by mail, cards with P. p. c. 
on them {Pour prendre conge, "to take one's 
leave") when one is about to leave a place 
either permanently or for quite a length of time. 

To send cards by mail (or by a messenger), 
to arrive on the day of the entertainment, where 
one is unable to attend an afternoon tea, recep- 
tion, or wedding, to which one has received an 
invitation. 

To send cards by mail, in lieu of making 
a personal visit, to acquaintances who live in a 
neighbouring town or suburb which is situated 
at such a distance as to render it inconvenient to 
make calls there. 



T»0en (Jtta&mg Caffe 51 



It is not the Correct Thing 



To write "P. P. C.," instead of " P. p. a," 
since capitalization is now used much less than 
formerly. 

To take no notice of cards for receptions, 
afternoon teas, etc. A person who fails to make 
his appearance at one of these occasions, to 
which he has been invited, and who also fails 
to call or send cards afterward, will naturally be 
considered as rude or culpably careless. 

To go to every one of a series of receptions 
for which one has received cards. This is not 
allowable, except for intimate friends. 



52 £0e Correct £#ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the older residents in a city or street to 
call first upon the new-comers to their neigh- 
borhood. 

To return a first call within a week, and in 
person. 

To call promptly and in person after a first 
invitation. 

To make the first call upon people in a higher 
social position if one is asked to do so, or if they 
are new-comers. 

For the caller who arrived first to leave first. 

For a gentleman to ask for the lady of the 
house as well as for the young ladies, and to 
leave cards for her as well as for the gentlemen 
of the family. 

To leave one's card on the hall-table, or to 
place it on a salver in the hands of the servant, 
when one attends an afternoon tea or reception. 
Cards thus left are intended to remind the 
hostess of the names of the visitors who have 
attended her reception. 



T2?0en (gtaftmg Caffs 53 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For one resident of a city or town to call upon 
another (not a new-comer) unless she has reason 
to suppose that her visit will be agreeable, or 
unless her social position is such that she con- 
fers a favor by the call. 

To return a first call by sending cards, or to 
return it tardily. In either case the lady who 
has made the first visit will feel that her friendly 
overtures have not been met in the proper spirit, 
and will infer that her acquaintance is not desired. 

Under ordinary circumstances, to call first 
upon people in a higher social position than 
one's own. 

For a gentleman to ask for the young ladies 
only, when making a formal call. 



For two gentlemen to endeavor to "sit each 
other out." 



54 £# e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the mother or chaperone to invite a gentle- 
man to call. 

For a gentleman to call upon a lady if she 
have invited him to do so, if he bring a letter of 
introduction, or if an intimate friend of the house 
introduce him. 

To make informal or friendly calls in the 
morning. 

For a gentleman to leave his umbrella, over- 
coat, and rubbers in the hall, but to bring his 
hat and cane into the drawing-room when making 
a morning call, and to keep them in his hand, or 
lay them on the floor beside him. Such was the 
old rule ; but the hat and cane are now usually 
left in the hall. 

For a lady to rise from her seat when visitors 
enter, and cross the room if she wish to do so. 
The latter is not imperative, however. 

For a visitor who has already made a call of 
sufficient length, to take his leave soon after the 
arrival of a second visitor. 






TEflen (gtafttng Caffs 55 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For a very young lady to invite a gentleman to 
call upon her. 

For a gentleman to call upon a lady unless he 
has first received permission to do so. 

To forget to wipe one's feet thoroughly on the 
door-mat. 



For a gentleman to wear his overshoes in the 
drawing-room. 

For a gentleman to deposit his hat or cane on 
a chair or table in the drawing-room. 



For a lady to pay great attention to some of 
her guests, and to neglect others. 

For a gentleman, when making a call, to enter 
the drawing-room without removing his gloves, 
or at least the right one. 

For a hostess to accompany a gentleman to 
the door, or bring him his hat or cane. 



56 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a hostess to accompany a lady to the door 
if she wish to do so, although this custom is fall- 
ing into desuetude. In a house where several 
servants are kept, for the lady of the house to 
ring the bell, on the departure of a visitor, in 
order that one of the servants shall open the 
door for him. This should always be done 
where a man-servant is employed. 

To remain about ten or fifteen minutes when 
making a formal call. 



T»0en (Rafting Cam 57 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For a hostess to go to the door with one 
visitor, to the neglect of those who remain. 

For a servant to leave a guest waiting in the 
drawing-room, without returning to say that her 
mistress will receive the caller. 

For a servant to permit a gentleman to enter 
the drawing-room, where members of the family 
are sitting, without announcing him. 

For a visitor to take his departure at the very 
moment when another is announced. 

To make a formal call of more than twenty 
minutes or half an hour's length. 



58 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that brevity is the soul of wit. 

To remember the ancient mariner, and avoid 
his ways. 

To talk in such a way as to amuse or enter- 
tain one's interlocutor, or better still, so that both 
parties may be amused or instructed, as the case 
may be. 

To avoid repetition in the matter of story- 
telling, personal reminiscences, and the like, 
repeating, like the newspapers, only once in ten 
years. 

To make the topic suit the time and place, 
avoiding sermons in ballrooms, and political or 
religious discussions in mixed assemblies. 

To sustain one's fair share of the burden of 
conversation, and to start new topics when the 
old ones become worn, or grow personal. 

To remember that every other parent con- 
siders that his children are prodigies also, and 
therefore will resent the claims to extraordinary 
genius made in behalf of your infant phenomenon. 



3n Conversation 59 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To try to shine too brilliantly. 

To talk too much. 

To be curt, brusque, or abrupt. 

To talk in order to show how good, clever, 
superior, or fashionable one is, or how much one 
knows. 

To talk constantly about money or other 
material things. 

To boast of one's rich friends, or worse still, 
of one's own wealth. 

To talk constantly about economizing or mak- 
ing bargains, or to speak of one's own poverty, 
particularly where it does not exist. 

To allow one's attention to wander while 
another person is speaking ; one thus appears un- 
civil, and wounds the vanity or the feelings of 
one's interlocutor. 

To repeat to Jones what Smith has said about 
him, unless it be something very complimentary. 
Much mischief results from the breaking of this 
rule. 



60 £0e Correct Zfyinq 

It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that the agreeable man is he 
who can and will listen attentively, intelligently, 
and sympathetically. 

To remember that it is better to be agreeable 
than to talk about one's own affairs. 

To think before you speak. 

To wait until another person has finished what 
he has to say, and then to say politely that you 
differ from him, or that you have heard the story 
told otherwise, where justice to the absent de- 
mands this course. 

To " sink the shop ; " that is, to avoid talking 
about one's business or profession. 

To talk about one's profession or calling with 
a person who has expressed a wish — sincere to 
all appearance — to hear about it. 

To remember that great men are sometimes 
modest, and may prefer to be worshipped in 
their absence rather than in their presence. 

To avoid joking in general society or with 
persons of a literal turn of mind. 



3n Conversation 61 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To talk constantly about one's self and one's 
own doings, about one's children, family, servants, 
or friends, or to rehearse domestic troubles or 
quarrels. 

To express doubts as to the truth of a harm- 
less story in the presence of the narrator. 

To interrupt, to say to a person "You have 
told me that before," or to set him right when 
he is telling a story. 

To wound the feelings of others by thoughtless 
remarks or allusions, or worse yet, by intentionally 
unkind speeches. 

To annoy poets and other great men with fool- 
ish questions about their inspiration or works, 
or with exaggerated expressions of admiration. 

To pay fulsome compliments or to indulge in 
gross flattery, thus indicating that you have a 
poor opinion of the intelligence and penetration 
of the person whom you are addressing. 

To repeat old jokes, or to tell " ancient and 
fish-like" tales. 



62 £0c Correct Zl)mc$ 

It is the Correct Thing 

To avoid riding a favorite hobby to death. 

To remember that frequent puns break up the 
thread of conversation, and that the habitual 
punster is apt to become tedious. 

To endeavor to "draw out" timid, shy, and 
silent people, and to induce them to talk on sub- 
jects that interest them. 

To remember that conversation should never 
turn into monologue. 

To preserve a certain moderation in the verv 
whirlwind of one's talk, watching carefully for 
signs oi fatigue or sleep in one's listeners, and 
never allowing that unruly little member, the 
tongue, to run away with its owner. 

To remember that the person who habitually 
says witty, but sharp things, is sure to be un- 
popular. 

To be generous, and to praise and admire 
when one can conscientiously do so. 

To remember that a fool may pass for a wise 
man if he know enough to hold his peace. 



3n Conversation 63 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To make personal remarks or jokes, — as 
about a man's appearance, age, etc. 

In general conversation to talk long about 
matters with which some of the company are 
wholly unacquainted, or in which they take no 
interest. 

To try to " pump " people, or to ask questions 
about their personal or private affairs. 

To ask a person's age, especially if that per- 
son be a woman. 

To discuss the age of friends or acquaintances, 
thus breaking the old rule which forbids talking 
of money, age, or marriage. 

To answer only in monosyllables. 

To assume a nil admirari or lofty critical tone. 

To talk gossip, or to indulge in slander or 
personalities. 

To criticize or find fault with objects which are 
displayed for one's admiration. 

To "cram" for any occasion, or to drag in a 
subject " by the head and ears." 



64 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that conversation is a fine art, 
from which base matter must necessarily be 
excluded. 

To remember Emerson's saying that " No one 
can be a master in conversation who has not 
learned much from women; their presence and 
inspiration are essential to its success." 

To remember that out of a man's own mouth 
he is judged, voice, language, and accent being 
far better criterions of a person's gentility than 
handsome or shabby garments. 

To remember that proper cultivation and use 
of the voice not only add to its beauty, but pre- 
vent it from becoming prematurely thin, worn, 
and cracked. 

To speak in chest-tones. 

To lower the voice and speak slowly when one 
wishes to enforce one's authority. 

To speak distinctly, but softly and slowly. 

To avoid coarseness and rudeness of speech 
and language, and harsh laughter. 



3n ^>peec0 65 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To show off one's little learning and small 
accomplishments before those who are truly 
learned (thus displaying vanity and showing 
one's own limitations), or before those whose 
education is defective, thus cruelly reminding 
them of what they lack. 

To speak in harsh nasal tones, after the man- 
ner of many New Englanders, and some other 
Americans. 

To scold in a high key or to scream to per- 
sons at a distance, thereby injuring the voice, as 
well as disturbing the public peace. 

To blur one's words so that the sound is as 
of a person who speaks with his mouth full of 
pudding. 

To speak from the head and throat. 

To speak in a loud voice, or in a slovenly or 
indistinct manner. 

To speak fast or to drawl. 

To affect " pretty" or "singular" pronuncia- 
tions. 



66 tfyc Correct Zfyinq 

It is the Correct Thing 

To avoid the over-delicacy of language and 
affectation of precision which belong to persons 
of narrow culture. 

To say <% A man fell and broke his leg," when 
he did so ; M It is time to go to bed ; " " I Sue in 
Rochester." 

To pronounce correctly, studying not only the 
dictionary, but the language of living speakers 
who are entitled to speak with authority. 

To use the words "man" and "woman" in 
many instances where formerly one would have 
said "lady" or "gentleman," the latter words 
having largely lost their significance from ex- 
cessive use or abuse. The phrase "Mrs. 
Ames is a charming woman " would now be pre- 
ferred to " Mrs. Ames is a charming lady." 

To train children carefully to read aloud, both 
for the sake of the voice and oi the pronunciation. 

To say "waistcoat" and "trousers," and (in 
speaking of the nether garments of little boys) 
" knickerbockers." 



3n J5peec0 67 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To be affected in one's manner of speech, or 
to copy the pronunciation of other persons or 
nations. 

To say " lie fell and sustained a fracture of his 
limb;" -retire" for frgo to bed;" " Where do 
you reside?" for "Where do you live?" These 
expressions, while not incorrect, are nevertheless 
seldom used by those who speak the best English. 

To affect a foreign accent. 

To speak incessantly of a person's "home" 
when you mean his "house." 

To hire an English butler, and copy his drawl, 
imagining that you will thus learn to speak like 
a cultivated Englishman, 

To use the " newspaper English" of mediocre 
newspaper writers, saying "transpire" for "hap- 
pen," " donate " for " give," " residential," etc. 

To say " lady friend " or " gentleman friend." 

To say " pants " or " vest." 

To say " garment " for u coat," " cloak," " man- 
tle," or other outside garment. 



68 £0e Correct Zfyinz 

It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that slang is unmeaning as well as 
inelegant, and that words like "jolly," "beastly," 
etc., used in season and out of season, soon lose 
all their meaning. 

For the ordinary purposes of every-day life, to 
use words of Saxon rather than of Latin origin 
whenever it is possible to do so, thus gaining 
terseness and vigor rather than a large number 
of syllables with diminished force. 

To pronounce " gentleman " as it is written, 
and with distinctness. 

To say " Grinnidge," " Norridge," " Bruns'ick," 
if one would follow the English pronunciation; 
also to pronounce Gower Gore, Salisbury Salz- 
bury, Cockburn Coburn, Brougham Broum, 
Geoghegan Gaygan, Cholmondely Chutnley, Mar- 
joribanks Marchbanks, Cavendish Ca?idish. 

To pronounce the o in " stone " like that in 
"go." 

To speak of " telegraphing" or of " sending a 
telegram" 



3n J§>peec0 69 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To use slang, especially where one does not 
know its derivation, many slang words having a 
secondary meaning and low origin. 

To say " female " for " woman " or " lady." 

To say "folks" for "family" or "people." 
Thus one should not say, " How are all your 
folks ? " 

To use the abbreviation " gents " under any 
circumstances. 

To say " genelman," " gempman," or " gehemp- 
man." 

To say Green-wich, Nor-wich, Brunswick. 

To pronounce " government " as if it were 
" goverment." 

To coin new and superfluous words, such as 
" walkist," " disconcertion," and other abomina- 
tions. 

To say "spoon" and "stone" with a short 
vowel sound, " av'noo " for " avenue," " chick'n," 
" N'Yawk," etc. 

To say " not-pepper " for " note-paper." 



Z$c Correct £#mg 



It is the Correct Thing 

To pronounce the letter r in words where it 
occurs, as in M arm,'* u girl/' M rubber.'' 

To be careful to give vowel-sounds correctly. 

To give each syllable its proper value or length, 
in pronouncing it, so that all have their fair share 
of accent and no one has too much. 

To remember that many so-called American- 
isms are in reality old English forms of spe 
and that we have altered the grand old English 
tongue of Shakespeare and the Bible less than 
our brothers across the water have done. 

s paringly from foreign Ian g i ges, 
especially those with the pronunciation of which 
one is not familiar. 

To say a memoranda*; " in the singular, and 
M memoranda n in the plural. 

To pronounce "polonaise" as if it ended in 



To pronou: >h fashion the names ;: 

foreign places or persons which have become 
Anglicized ; as Paris, Vienna, Napoleon. 



3n ^peec0 71 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To roll the r too much, or to add it at the end 
of words where it does not belong. 

To pronounce ue like oo± or 00 like uc. 

To flatten the a and say " bayth " for " bath," 
as is sometimes done in the Middle States and 
elsewhere, or to say i: dawg " for " dog." 

To say " coat " and " boat " with a short sound, 
as some New Englanders do. 

To say "jally" for " jelly." 

To say " paw and maw," or " payr and mayr," 
for " papa and mamma." 

To clip off final letters or syllables, or those 
that occur in the middle of a word, thus making 
a trisyllable into a dissyllable, as " gen'ally " for 
" generally." 

To say "kep'" for " kept," " clo'es " for 
" clothes," " mon's " for " months," or " fam'ly " 
for " family." 

To follow the inspiration of your own genius 
in forming the plural or singular of Greek or Latin 
words. 



72 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To say " It is I/f and " He went with Harry 
and rne." 

To remember that the expressions " Yes, sir," 
and " Yes, madam," are much less used than 
formerly. 

To teach children to say, "Yes, mother (or 
father)," and " No, mother ; " and to say " Yes, 
sir (or madam)," to old people or to those who 
adhere to the old ways of speech. 

For an inferior to say " sir " or " madam " in 
speaking to a superior. 

To say " sir " or " madam " if one have occa- 
sion to address a stranger, using the word 
" madam " for a single as well as for a married 
lady. 



3n ^peecfl 73 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To say " It is me" or " He went with Harry 
and /." 

To drop the A, as in "w'en" for "when," 
" w'ite " for " white," " w'ere » for " where/' 

To drop the g final, as in "goin'," "doin'," 
" sayin','' " dinin'-room," etc. 

To say " ya'as," " yeah," or " ye-up " for 
" yes." 

To use " don't " as an abbreviation of " does 
not." 

To say " ain't " or " hain't." 

To say " you was " for " you were." 

To address a young lady as " miss," or to say, 
" Yes, miss," " No, miss." 

To say "mum," " 'm," or "ma'am," unless 
when speaking to old or very conservative per- 
sons, to employers, or superiors. 

To use the word " elegant " as a general and 
indiscriminate term of praise, as " I had an ele- 
gant time ; " " That is perfectly elegant." 



74 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To be as polite at home as one is abroad. 

To have one's house always in good order, 
whether any guests are expected or not. 

To have a place at one's table, a room in one's 
house, and a welcome in one's heart for any 
friend who may unexpectedly arrive. 

To remember that punctuality is the hinge of 
business, and to insist that the whole household 
shall be " on time." 

To knock on the door before entering any one's 
private apartment. 

For the lady of the house to remember the 
saint who built her husband a smoking-room, and 
do likewise. 

To make home attractive, and to remember 
that over-severity makes young people deceitful, 
and drives them to seek amusements elsewhere, 
and in secret. 

To be attentive as well as respectful and polite 
to old people, remembering how few are their 
pleasures and opportunities for enjoyment. 



3n f0e Samifg Ctrcfe -5 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To be afraid to use one's good manners eve:; 
day. lest they should wear out. 

To have the parlor alone in order, and the rest 
of the house in confusion. 

To calculate the provisions for a meal so closely 
that the arrival of a guest will produce despair 
and confusion. 

To make one's family circle into a close cor- 
poration, debarring all outsiders therefrom, save 
on grand and ceremonious occasions. 

For the gentlemen of the house to smoke in 
all parts of it or to leave cigar-stumps, ashes, 
and burned matches on the tables and floors as 
pleasing mementos of their presence. 

To make unnecessary noise when one comes 
home late at night, thus disturbing the rest of 
the household. 

To sit between another person and the fire or 
light, or to sit still and allow one's parent to 
bring a chair without offering to assist him. 



76 £fic Correct &0tnj 

It is the Correct Thing 

To arise and offer one's own chair, or procure 
another and place it in a good position for an 
older person who enters the room. 

For parents to maintain their own dignity and 
proper position, treating their children with 
generosity, but not imitating the folly of King- 
Lear. 

For a voting man to remember that his mother's 
house is not a boarding-house, and that whether 
he pav for his own board or not. his behavior 
in his parents' house must always be that of a 
respectful and considerate son. 

For young people to allow their parents, elde 
or guests to precede them in entering or leaving 
a room, or in going up-stairs. 

To accustom ourselves early to the small acts 
of courtesy of daily life, which thus become 
in a measure automatic, to be performed easily, 
and almost unconsciously. 

For a son or daughter to vise when the mother 
of the family enters the room. 



** 



3n f0e Samtfg Circfe 77 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For children or young people to monopolize 
the most desirable positions and most comforta- 
ble chairs. 

For a young man to allow his father to carry 
heavy bundles or packages because he himself is 
too lazy or too "snobbish " to assist his parent. 

For young people to be selfish, expecting all 
the arrangements of the house to be made for 
their pleasure and convenience, and all the ex- 
penses to be incurred for their benefit. 

For a young man to refuse to help his parents 
after he begins to earn his own living, or for him 
to il give himself airs," order the servants about, 
or make unnecessary trouble in his father's house 
because he happens to pay his own way. 

To be profane, or to use doubtful slang. 



For a young man to remain seated when his 
mother enters the room. 



78 £§t Correct ZfyxtxQ 

It is the Correct Thing 

To wait at the head or foot of the stairway, as 
the case may demand, when an older person is 
about to ascend or descend it. 

Concerning Servants 

To be dignified but always courteous in one's 
demeanor toward servants. 

To treat them as if they were " human beings," 
caring properly for them when ill, and taking a 
kindly and sufficient interest in their affairs and 
their troubles. 

To systematize the work of one's household so 
far as possible, and to tell a servant when one 
first engages her just what duties will be expected 
of her, stipulating that she shall be willing to do 
other work if necessary. 

To take hold of work yourself occasionally, 
when the gods of the lower regions are tired or 
demoralized, thus helping to tide over an emer- 
gency, and showing that you respect the dignity 
of labor. 



3n f#e $amifg Citdc 79 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For young people to sit down to table without 
waiting for their parents, unless they have re- 
ceived permission to do so. 

Concerning Servants 

To be familiar with servants, or to joke and 
laugh with them. 

To treat servants as if they were " door-mats 
under one's feet," or to pet or spoil them. 

To talk gossip with servants or children, or to 
allow them to tell you about other people's 
affairs. 

To turn a servant into the street when he or 
she falls ill in your service. 

To bind heavy burdens upon their backs, and 
not raise one finger to lift them. 

To blame servants constantly, but to forget to 
give them due praise. 

To allow servants to be wasteful or careless, 
or to go out constantly without first asking 
leave. 



80 £0e Correct €§it\Q 

It is the Correct Thing 

To be the head of the house in fact as well as 
in name, keeping a watchful eye on the affairs of 
the household. 

To allow fair " privileges," religious and other. 

To be sometimes a little blind. 

To provide comfortable sleeping-rooms for 
them, and if possible, a separate bed for each 
one. 

For those whose means permit, to provide a 
sitting-room, and in summer, a porch or piazza 
for their use. 

To find fault when necessary, but to keep con- 
trol of one's temper. 

To insist that servants shall keep themselves 
neat and tidy, especially when waiting upon table 
or answering the door-bell. 

To teach servants to move about the house and 
wait upon the table as noiselessly as possible. 

To go and find the person to whom one wishes 
to speak, and to speak to him in the room where 
he is. 



3n (0e §amifg Citcfe 81 

It is' not the Correct Thing 

To allow a servant to dictate to her mistress, or 
refuse to obey the latter's bidding, saying " That 
isn't my place." 

To watch servants with a suspicious eye. 

To imagine that " angels go out to service." 

To rebuke or praise servants or children in the 
presence of other persons. 

To allow servants the use of the latch-key, 
unless under exceptional circumstances. 

To scold servants, or to " whip one over the 
shoulders of another." 

To expect that a cook can always look as 
neat as a waitress. 

To slam doors, or to laugh and scream, and 
make a great noise in the kitchen. 

To allow servants to join in the conversation 
or make any remarks while waiting on the table. 

To allow them to make a noise or clatter with 
the dishes in the dining-room. 

To allow servants, children, or any one else to 
scream or call up and down stairs. 



82 $0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To have the servant summon the different 
members of the family to their meals by knock- 
ing on the doors of their rooms. 

To have a foot-bell under the dining-table, in 
order to summon a servant from the kitchen 
without noise. 

To avoid giving orders to a servant in the 
presence of guests or other persons, except when 
it is necessary. 

At the dinner-table to summon the servant with 
a look, and to give her the order as quietly as 
possible. * 

For a waitress to remain in the dining-room, 
or within easy call, during the progress of a meal, 
until she is dismissed from attendance on the 
table. Her proper place is behind the chair of 
her mistress. 

For a servant to say " Yes, madam," or " No, 
sir," when given an order, or asked a question. 

To bid servants a civil good morning and good 
night. 



3n *0e Samifg Citdt 83 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To allow servants to scrape off the plates, or 
to remove the knives and forks from them, when 
clearing off the table for dessert. 

For a servant to build up a small Tower of 
Babel on her waiter, when clearing off the table. 

For a servant to lean over the table to get at 
some dish on the opposite side. 

To entice a servant, by promise of extra wages 
or other advantage, away from a service where 
she is satisfied and willing to stay. It is both 
unladylike and dishonorable to do so. 

To send orders to one servant by another, 
where this can be avoided. 

For those who keep only one or two maids 
to emulate the style of living of families who 
employ a large number of servants. 

For a servant to say, " Yes, Missis," or " Yes, 
Mister," or " All right," when asked to perform 
some service. 



84 Z$t Correct £0mg 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the butler to stand behind the chair of his 
mistress, although where there are two men, the 
butler sometimes stands behind his master's chair, 
the second man standing behind his mistress. 

To pay wages on the day when they are due. 
where a servant is hired by the month or year. 

To give warning the customary length of time 
in advance, before dismissing a servant from 
one's employment. 

Where their church is accessible, to allow 
them to attend it even' Sunday. 

To divide the work of the house as fairly as 
possible between the different servants. 

To speak of the cook, waitress, laundress, 
parlor maid, housemaid (or chambermaid in a 
hotel), lady's maid. 

To speak of the women servants collectively 
as "the maids." or where a maid-of-all-work only 
is kept, as " the maid." 

To speak of the butler, footman or second man, 
page, coachman, groom, gardener, etc. 



3tt f0e Samife Cirefe 85 



It is not the Correct Thing 



To dismiss a servant without due warning, 
unless for some very grave fault. 

To dismiss a servant before the end of the 
month, without paying the wages due when the 
month closes. 

To delude future employers by giving an over- 
flattering recommendation. 

To refuse to give a reference saying what can 
truly and fairly be said of a servant's worth. 

To speak of "the up-stairs girl," or of the 
" hired girls." 

For people of wealth to neglect to reprove 
their English servants or other imported domes- 
tics for the arrogant and even insolent demeanor 
often assumed toward all except the rich and 
their employees. 



86 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

For employers to provide the maids' caps, 
aprons, collars, and cuffs. They sometimes fur- 
nish the black gowns also. 

For the butler to wear full evening dress — 
dress coat, white tie, etc., for late dinner and the 
evening. Earlier in the day he wears dark morn- 
ing costume. 

For the butler's assistants or footmen to wear 
livery. 

For waitress and parlor maid to wear when 
waiting on table, black gown, deep turned-over 
linen collar and cuffs, white apron, preferably 
with bretelles, and dainty little white cap, with 
black velvet bow. 

For the waitress or footman to have a small 
silver salver, on which to receive the cards of 
visitors. 

To have a pad with pencil on the hall table, 
for visitors who desire to leave a message, and 
for the waitress to ask them to come in for that 
purpose. 



3n (0e $amife CitcU 87 



It is not the Correct Thing 



For a butler to wear livery. 

To send money to a lady, no matter how re- 
duced her circumstances may be, by the hands 
of a servant, unless it is enclosed in a sealed 
envelope, addressed to the recipient. 

To pay any employee, unless for strictly 
menial work, by the hands of a servant. 

To talk about family affairs, or those of one's 
friends or neighbors, in the presence of servants. 

For the lady of the house to omit to inform 
the waitress or butler, whether or not she will 
see visitors on that particular afternoon. 

For a waitress to admit those who refuse to 
tell their names or their business, since this is 
characteristic of the ubiquitous agent. 



88 £0e Correct t$it\Q 

It is the Correct Thing 

On the afternoon at home, or at a reception, 
for the butler or footman to lead the way to the 
drawing-room, and, having asked the visitor's 
name, to announce it to his mistress, as the lady 
enters. 

To have a waitress or footman at the door, 
ready to open it on the appearance of visitors, 
at a reception, or an afternoon at home. 

Where there is no separate provision made 
for the food on the servants' table, to allow them 
some share of the dainties used in the dining- 
room. 

Concerning Children 

To remember that children are the light and 
life of home, and the hope of the future. 

To decide in the first instance whether the 
children shall obey the parents, or the parents 
the children, and to adhere to the decision when 
once made. 

To break a rash promise rather than to do a 
cruel thing. 



3n f0e Sarnifg Circfe 89 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For a maid servant to call out the names of 
visitors. This is considered to be a masculine 
right or privilege. 

For the waitress to leave a visitor in the hall, 
while she ascertains whether he will be received, 
instead of showing him into the reception or 
drawing-room. 

For a mistress to allow her servants to be dila- 
tory in answering the door-bell. At some houses, 
when the mistress is out, servants keep callers 
waiting a long time on the doorsteps. 

Concerning Children 

To allow children to answer back, or to be 
pert. 

For parents to obey their children. 

To allow children to affect a blase, " slangy " 
tone, drawling out " What are you giving us ? " 
" Chestnuts ! " or other odious slang expressions. 



90 £0e Correct £0mg 

It is the Correct Thing 

For parents to consider the matter carefully 
before threatening to punish or promising to 
reward, but in either case to keep their word 
when it is once given. 

For parents to teach children to tell the truth, 
by doing so themselves. 

For children to be respectful and helpful to 
their parents, even in America. 

For parents to pay some attention to the com- 
ings and goings, the associations and occupations, 
of their children, — boys as well as girls, — re- 
membering that many a child has been ruined by 
perpetual running in the streets. 

To teach children to hang up their hats and 
coats when they come into the house. 

To remember the saying, " Whoso shall offend 
one of these little ones which believe in me, it 
were better for him that a millstone were hanged 
about his neck." 

To work while you work, and play while you 
play. 



3n f#e $amifg Circfe 91 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To rebuke or praise children before other 
people. 

To talk about children in their presence, thus 
making them self-conscious, if not conceited. 

To punish children cruelly, or when one is 
angry. 

To allow children to make personal remarks 
to visitors, or finger their clothes. 

For children to keep on ringing the door-bell 
till the servant opens the door, to whistle in the 
house, or to make needless dirt, noise, and 
confusion. 

To allow children too great freedom or too 
much pocket-money, or to permit them to go 
alone to restaurants, theatres, etc. 

To allow children to annoy neighbors by pass- 
ing through their grounds without permission, 
teasing their servants, breaking their windows, or 
throwing snowballs at them. 

To allow boys to keep their hats on in the 
house. 



92 £0e Comet £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To make the evening a time for pleasant and 
wholesome recreation and amusement, remember- 
ing that " All work and no play makes Jack a 
dull boy." 

To remember that children get a large part of 
their education from the conversation of their 
parents, and therefore, — 

To avoid gossip and idle talk. 

To remember that innocent fun hurts nobody, 
and helps to make the burden of life endurable. 

To bring up children to be polite, respectful, 
and well-mannered, but with manners and be- 
havior suited to their years. 

To teach little girls to curtsey, in accordance 
with the present fashion, when speaking to their 
elders. 

For children to be considerate in their be- 
havior toward servants, and to be civil to them 
and to each other. 



3n f0e §atnify CitcU 93 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To take offence if a neighbor states civilly 
that he would prefer your children should cease 
from breaking his windows. 

To allow girls to form a habit of giggling. 

To frighten children with stories of people 
who are coming after them, or to leave them too 
much in the care of servants. 

To force a nervous, timid child to stay alone 
in a dark room. 

For any person to put his feet on a chair, table, 
or mantelpiece, or anywhere save on a footstool 
or the floor. 

To allow children to consider their mother in 
the light of a hat-rack, bureau, or table, handing 
to her whatever article they wish to get rid of. 

To scold children for asking questions : this 
is about as reasonable as to scold them for 
breathing or thinking. 

To allow children to interrupt any one who is 
speaking, or to allow them to be rude or savage 
in their behavior. 



94 £0* Correct ZfyiwQ 

It is the Correct Thing 

To supervise the reading of children, and to 
interest them in the works of the best authors. 

To provide regular occupation for little folks, 
and plenty of healthy amusement. 

To teach them how to make things, thus sub- 
stituting constructive for destructive tendencies. 

To interest children in the study of birds, ani- 
mals, flowers, and of nature generally, substitu- 
ting the field-glass for the gun. 

To teach boys to take off their caps politely 
when they make a bow. 

To give them plenty of plain, wholesome, well- 
cooked food, and as they grow older, to teach 
them to eat a variety of dishes, rather than to 
indulge the childish tendency to dislike every- 
thing to which the boy or girl is not accustomed. 

To remember that a healthy, active child needs 
plenty of exercise, and needs also to make a 
noise during some part of the day, just as an 
engine must blow off steam. 



3n f0e Samifg Circfe 95 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For parents to discuss, in the presence of 
children, novels of doubtful morality, or to leave 
these lying about the house. 

To allow children to have nothing to do on 
holidays, or in vacation. 

To allow children when playing out-of-doors to 
annoy the neighbors, or to be rude to the 
passers-by. 

To bring up children at hotels or boarding- 
houses, if one can possibly avoid it. 

To allow them to make comments on the food 
set before them. 

To allow children to attend many dances or 
other entertainments. 

To allow them to mimic people. It is ex- 
tremely ill-bred to do so. 

To expect a normal child to sit perfectly quiet 
for a long period of time, or to forbid his enjoy- 
ing healthful, and even noisy sport, at the 
proper hour. 



96 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To dress children in pretty, but simple and 
childish fashion. 



When Laying the Table 

To use fine linen, napkins of generous size, 
pretty china and glassware, and well-polished 
silver. 

For those who can afford the necessary ex- 
pense to change the napkins at every meal, and 
the tablecloths very frequently. 

To use a large napkin spread over the cloth 
under the meat-platter if one desire to preserve 
the tablecloth from soil or stain. 

To use snowy white and clean, carefully ironed 
table-cloths, with an under-cloth of white Canton 
flannel. 

To use very large napkins for dinner and 
luncheon, and rather smaller ones for breakfast. 



3n f#e $amifg Circfe 97 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To dress them like grown persons, or in an 
elaborate style. 

To make a child wear a conspicuous or old- 
fashioned garment, or one it especially dislikes, 
thus causing the little one much unhappiness. 

When Laying the Table 

To have a very handsomely appointed table 
with insufficient food upon it. 

To spend a great deal of money for food, and 
none for suitable table-equipage. 

For those who live in a handsome and expen- 
sive style to use napkin-rings. 

To use silver that is dull for the want of clean 
hot suds, a clean towel, and frequent rubbing 
with chamois-skin. 

To use table mats where a tablecloth is used. 

To use a colored cloth for dinner. 

To use a soiled or spotted cloth. 

To put a cloth on crooked, or so that it humps 
up in the middle. 



98 Z$t Cotvut Ztyinz 

It is the Correct Thing 

For those who possess a handsome mahogany 
dining-table, to use a linen or lace centrepiece 
with small and dainty white or delicate colored 
mats, instead of a table-cloth, for luncheon or 
five o'clock tea. 

To use breakfast napkins for tea, or fringed 
doilies if one prefer them. 

To put a piece of bread or a roll on or in each 
napkin or beside each plate at dinner, and a dish 
with a reserve supply on the sideboard. 

To place miniature ornamental pepper-pots, 
usually of silver, at the four corners of the table. 

To place oil, vinegar and mustard on the side- 
board, or at an informal meal they may be set 
on the table in little ornamental bottles or jugs. 

To have on the sideboard a little silver or 
brass salver, on which the servant should hand 
all the dishes, and extra spoons or forks, should 
they by chance be desired. 

To provide each person with an individual 
butter-plate where butter is to be used at dinner. 



3n f0e §amifg Citcfe 99 



It is not the Correct Thing 



To place a plate of bread on table for dinner. 

To put on individual salt-cellars with which 
no salt-spoons have been used, unless one change 
the salt in them at every meal. 

To put old-fashioned casters on table, or 
spoon-tumblers, or stands of any sort. 



To place butter on the dinner table. 



ioo £0e Correct £0mg 

It is the Correct Thing 

To place a dish of butter upon the sideboard, 
and to have it passed around when sweet corn, 
sweet potatoes, etc., are served. 

To use a crumb-scraper or fresh napkin and 
plate for removing crumbs. 



3n f0e Samifg Circfe 101 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To put a pile of plates in front of the carver, 
instead of putting one plate before each person. 



To use a crumb-brush and tray, although 
some people do it. 



102 £0e Coned £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that for a perfect feast, brilliant 
and agreeable conversation is as indispensable 
as a handsome and well-furnished table. 

To pay great attention to the selection of the 
guests, choosing those who will be agreeable to 
one another, and remembering that while there 
may be variety, there must be harmony. 

To remember that the law of proportion is the 
law of beauty, and that guests will enjoy a com- 
paratively modest entertainment which is suited 
to the means of their host and the habits of his 
household, far more than a very ambitious feast, 
for the preparation of which it is evident that 
every nerve has been strained. 

To remember that a host should plan his 
dinner carefully beforehand, as a successful gen- 
eral plans a battle ; but that when the conflict 
begins he must, like the latter, have courage and 
calmness. 

For a host and hostess to sit at either end or 
in the middle of either side of the dining-table. 



(&t a ©inner 103 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To invite many very shy or taciturn persons. 

To invite many people who like to monopolize 
conversation ; one of this kind will be found 
amply sufficient. 

To invite people who do not speak to one an- 
other. 

To invite only those persons who see each 
other constantly, and hence are not likely to 
have any new or fresh subjects for conversation. 

To attempt to give a dinner which is more 
elaborate and ceremonious than one's establish- 
ment will warrant. 



For a hostess to look or feel worried. The 
guests will be very quick to observe this ; and 
while it may amuse those who are spiteful, it 
will tend to dampen the spirits of the company. 



104 £0e Correct Zfyinz 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the hostess to tell each gentleman which 
lady he is to take in to dinner, or to cause cards 
to be placed on the hall-table giving this infor- 
mation on any formal occasion. 

For a gentleman to ask to be presented to the 
lady whom he is to take in to dinner, where he 
is not already acquainted with her. 

For the host to go in to dinner first, taking in 
the lady in whose honor it is given. 

Where the dinner has not been given in honor 
of any particular guest or guests, for the host to 
take in the most distinguished or the eldest lady 
present, or the wife of the most distinguished 
man, or a stranger, or a bride. 

For the host to place the lady whom he takes 
in to dinner in the seat of honor, — that is, on his 
right hand, the place on his left being reserved 
for the lady whose position or age entitles her to 
the second highest room. 

To light the dining-room with white or colored 
candles or lamps. 



$f a linnet 105 



It is not the Correct Thing 

For a gentleman to go in to dinner with a lady, 
without offering her his arm. 

For a gentleman to neglect to draw out a lady's 
chair from the table, and to assist her in drawing 
it up again, where the servant does not perform 
this office. 

For the hostess to go into dinner first. 

To begin to eat or to talk on first sitting down 
at the table, without waiting to see whether grace 
is to be said. 

To have four, eight, or twelve persons, or any 
number divisible by four, sit down at the table 
where the host and hostess sit one at each end 
of it, since this arrangement will make two 
gentlemen and two ladies come next each other, 
and is therefore to be avoided if possible. 1 

1 With the modern fashion of using round or square 
tables, this difficulty is happily avoided. A connoisseur 
writes, "A small dinner of eight, at a square table, is 
about the most exquisite form of entertainment." 



106 £0e Correct £0mg 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the hostess to go in to dinner last with the 
husband of the lady whom the host is escorting, 
where the dinner is given for a married couple ; 
in other cases the hostess should go in with the 
most distinguished or with the eldest gentleman 
present, or with a stranger. 

For the hostess to assign the seat on her right 
to the gentleman who takes her in to dinner, and 
that on her left to the gentleman who is entitled 
to the next highest distinction. 

To have the servant enter the drawing-room 
and announce in a low tone that " Dinner is 
served," or merely bow when he catches his 
mistress's eye. 

To have part of the light come from above the 
table, or from side brackets or branches on the 
wall, and to have colored shades for the candles 
on the table. 1 

1 It is now thought desirable, as it is also artistic, to 
light by candles alone, instead of with two kinds of 
light. 



@t a ©inner 107 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To make a long prayer or say a long grace, and 
thus keep a hungry company waiting while the 
dinner cools. 

For the host to take advantage of the helpless 
position of his guests, and to retail to them all 
his old stories. 

To have a dining-room overwarm. 

To have it full of draughts. 

To announce any formal meal, and least of 
all a dinner, by ringing a bell. This is a relic 
of the Dark Ages. A Japanese dinner-gong, 
which has a pleasant musical sound, may be 
used when the family are alone, or in the coun- 
try, when guests are straying about the estate. 

To light a dining-room exclusively with gas, 
or to light it in such a way that there will be a 
glare of light in the eyes of the guests. 

To sit down before your host and hostess do, 
since in some households grace is said while all 
stand behind their chairs. 



108 £0e Correct Z$in$ 

It is the Correct Thing 

To have the table-cloth enriched with lace or 
embroidery if one prefer it so, but to have it 
plain white, of very fine quality, and ironed with 
perfect smoothness. Detached satin ribbons, 
which were in fashion at one time, have now 
gone out of favor in New York. 

To place carafes or water-bottles of cut or en- 
graved glass at each corner of the table, and for 
a large dinner, in the centre of the sides also. 

To remember that plain dishes well prepared 
are much better liked by every one than elabo- 
rate dishes made without the requisite skill. 

To use a profusion of flowers of delicate and 
agreeable perfume, or to use a handsome dish of 
fruit and flowers, or of fruit alone, for a centre- 
piece. Silver baskets or pots filled with growing 
ferns are also employed for this purpose. 1 

1 According to present fashion, little is placed on the 
table save flowers — a centrepiece alone, or accompanied 
by two or four vases of flowers. Fruit, bonbons, and 
little cakes are also placed on the table. 



$f a linnet 109 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To have the table-cloth consist wholly or in 
part of any material that does not wash, or of 
any colored material, such as satin ribbons. 

To have the dining-room or the table over- 
crowded. Nothing is more uncomfortable than 
a table so arranged that the attendants cannot 
pass by without pushing or crowding against 
some one. 



To use flowers with a very heavy fragrance, 
such as tuberoses, jasmine, etc. 
To use artificial flowers. 



For a host to praise or to depreciate his own 
banquet, or any of its details. 



no £0e Comet £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To arrange the decorations of the table high 
enough for the guests to be able to see under, or 
low enough for them to see over these orna- 
mentations. 

To remember that the display of good taste 
in the choice and arrangement of flowers, china, 
glass, or silver, is much more gratifying to 
guests of refinement than the mere display of 
wealth. 

To study gastronomy, whether for a large or a 
small feast, and to give things that are good of 
their kind and that go together harmoniously. 

To remember that while one thoroughly trained 
and efficient servant can attend to the wants of 
eight or ten people, it is still often necessary to 
employ a greater number, an attendant to every 
three or even to every two guests being some- 
times employed. 

To have the service good, and if one have not 
efficient attendants, to hire them from some re- 
sponsible caterer. 



(&t a ©inner in 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To arrange the ornaments in such a way as to 
interfere with conversation across the table, or to 
intercept the view of the guests. 

To make a display of plate or of flowers, grow- 
ing plants, etc., that may appear ostentatious. 
Display for the sake of display is always vul- 
gar ; while a display which is beautiful in itself, 
and is made to give pleasure to the guests, is 
perfectly legitimate, provided it does not border 
upon extravagance. 

To expect that servants who are not trained to 
wait properly on table every day, will be inspired 
to do so by the mere presence of a dozen critical 
strangers. 

To expect miracles of the household cook. A 
woman who is in the habit of preparing six or 
eight dishes for dinner every day, for six people, 
cannot be expected to prepare twenty dishes for 
fourteen people without assistance. 



ii2 £0e Correct £0tng 

It is the Correct Thing 

To place a card with the name of the guest 
upon it, beside each plate at a large or cere- 
monious dinner. 

To use menu-cards for public dinners, one 
being set at each place, or one for every two 
persons. 

To have a cover (that is, plate for each per- 
son) accompanied by one or two large knives, a 
silver knife for fish, when necessary, three forks, 
a soup or tablespoon, a small oyster-fork for 
eating raw oysters, a goblet for water, and where 
wine is used, to have glasses for claret, sherry, 
etc., placed around the water-goblet. 

To place the knives and oyster-fork on the 
right, and the other forks on the left of the 
plate. 

To place a napkin folded in some simple 
form, on the left side of each plate, with a roll 
or small thick piece of bread placed upon or 
tucked into it. 

To place the glasses on the right of each plate. 



(&t a ©inner 113 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To try new experiments culinary or otherwise, 
upon one's guests. 

To use menu-cards for a dinner in a private 
house. 

To place the forks with the tines turned down, 
or the soup-spoon with the bowl in that position. 

At a simple dinner consisting of only a few 
courses, to place beside each plate more knives 
and forks than each person will need. 

To place the knives at the top of the plate, 
instead of at the side. 

To cut the bread in thin slices for dinner. 

To place the napkin in the water-goblet. 

To make a napkin stiff with starch, to fold it 
into a fan or other shape savoring of hotel prac- 
tices, or to put it upon table while still damp or 
smelling of soap. 

To put the glasses on table with the stems up. 
To place the glasses on the left of the plate. 



ii4 £# e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

According to the present fashion, to drink 
little or no wine, for fear of gout, gentlemen 
sometimes substituting whiskey and soda water. 

For those who wish to do so, to place extra 
and very delicate wine-glasses, one for sherry or 
Madeira, and the other for claret or Burgundy, 
on table with the dessert. 1 

To put the more ordinary wines on table first, 
and the choicest brands with the dessert. 

To put an individual salt-cellar, with diminu- 
tive salt-spoon, beside each plate. 

To begin the dinner with raw oysters (or in 
summer, small raw clams) on the half-shell, 
served on the regulation oyster-plates, with a 
piece of lemon in the centre. 

To serve one or two soups simultaneously 
after the oysters, a white and a brown, or a white 
and a clear soup. 2 

1 This custom no longer prevails. 

2 Only one soup is served now, unless the occasion be a 
banquet. 



<&t a linnet 115 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To set the table in such a careless manner that 
the guests will be uncertain as to which is each 
person's glass of water or piece of bread. 

To give people sherry-glasses for champagne, 
claret-glasses for sherry, etc. 



To put on ordinary^ or poor wines with the 
dessert. 

To place tablespoons (other than those for 
soup) or other extra silver on the table. 1 

To serve raw oysters of whose antecedents one 
is doubtful, since typhoid fever may be the result 
of eating oysters grown where they are affected 
by sewage. 

At a formal dinner, to serve raw oysters on an 
ordinary plate. 

1 This is one of the new rules, and is not universally 
followed. At some houses where dinners are served with 
great elegance, extra silver, in the shape of ornamental 
spoons, etc., is still to be seen upon the tables. 



n6 £0e Correct Zfyinq 

It is the Correct Thing 

To serve the soup and all the rest of the 
dinner from the sideboard or the pantry in 
diner a la Russe. 

To serve fish after soup, and entries, or 
" those dishes which are served in the first course 
after the fish/' next. 

To serve two entries at once at an elaborate 
dinner. 1 

To serve the roast after the entrees, then the 
Roman punch 2 (which is properly an entremet, 
or " dish coming after the roast in the second 
course "), then the game and salad. 

To serve salad either with the game or as a 
separate course, accompanied by cheese and 
bread and butter. The bread may be cut very 
thin and nicely buttered, or the butter and bread 
may be served separately. 

1 It is now the fashion to abbreviate dinners so much, 
that a single entree suffices for a small dinner. Indeed some 
hostesses omit the entree entirely, except at a large dinner. 

2 This course (viz. Roman punch) is going out of fash- 
ion, doubtless for the reason stated above. 



$f a ©inner 1 1 7 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To serve two soups, one after the other, as if 
they constituted two courses. 

To serve soup on the table in dbier a la Russe. 

To serve any vegetable save potato (or a veg- 
etable salad, cucumber for instance) with fish. 

To serve dishes surrounded with gravy or 
sauce, which makes it difficult for a guest to 
help himself. 

To give Roman punch with a simple dinner, — 
where there is only one course of meat, for in- 
stance. 

To serve more than one or two vegetables 
with one course in diner a la Russe. 



To place cruets, casters, or butter dishes on 
table. 



n8 £#e Correct Zfyim 

It is the Correct Thing 

To serve some vegetables, as asparagus, sweet 
corn, or macaroni, as courses by themselves. 

To serve cheese as a course by itself. 

To serve the ices and sweet dishes after the 
salad and cheese, then the fruit, then the bon- 
bons. 

To serve after-dinner coffee (which should be 
strong and black, but not muddy) in diminutive 
cups, with tiny gold or silver coffee-spoons. 

To serve coffee in the drawing-room, or it may 
be served in the dining-room after a dinner where 
the guests have not sat very long at table. 

For the gentlemen to rise when the ladies leave 
the table, and for the one nearest the door to 
hold it open while the ladies pass out. The 
gentlemen then usually return to the table, where 
they stay a short time, discussing wine, cigars, 
and liqueurs. 1 

1 They now accompany the ladies to the drawing-room 
sometimes, returning to the dining-room themselves, after 
the ladies are seated. 



(&i a ©inner 119 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To carry to extremes the modern fashion of 
serving each dish by itself, and thus make an 
infinite number of courses and an overlong and 
tedious meal. 

To forget that the custom of drinking many 
wines is rapidly going out of fashion and favor. 

To forget that smart people now give shorter 
dinners, better viands, and fewer wines than for- 
merly, quality replacing quantity. 

To serve coffee in the dining-room where the 
guests have already sat at table for a long time. 

To serve after-dinner coffee with milk or cream. 
It is sometimes done, however, as many people 
prefer cafe au laitXo cafe noir. 



For young girls to take wine, unless they have 
been accustomed to its use at home, or in any 
case for them to take several kinds, or much of 
any kind. 



120 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To have after-dinner coffee poured out in the 
kitchen or butler's pantry, and passed around in 
cups on a salver, accompanied with lump-sugar. 

To place a fresh fork, or fork and knife, as the 
case may require, on the fresh plate which is 
handed to each person at every new course, after 
the knives and forks of the original cover have 
been exhausted. 1 

For the hostess to give the signal to leave the 
table when she sees that there is a lull in the 
conversation. 

To provide hot plates for hot-meat courses, 
entrees, etc. 

To put the finger-bowls on table for the fruit 
course. They are set on glass or handsome 
china plates, with an embroidered doily between, 
and accompanied by a silver dessert knife and 
fork. 

1 It is now thought better to have the fresh fork when 
required, laid at the guest's place, beside the fresh plate, 
but not upon it. 



$f a ©inner 121 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For the hostess to pour out after-dinner coffee, 
either in the dining-room or the drawing-room. 

For gentlemen to remain long at table after 
the ladies have left it, or for them to drink heavily. 
To do so would now be considered as very 
boorish. 

For any one to put to actual use the decorative 
and expensive little doilies now so fashionable. 

For the hostess to leave the table when some 
one is in the midst of relating a story. 

To provide hot plates for salads, cold meats, 
or hot puddings, which last keep their own heat 
without any outside aid. 

To fill finger-bowls more than half-full of water, 
or to put ice-water in them, since this would be 
unpleasantly cold to the fingers. 

To remove the table-cloth before the dessert. 
This was formerly the custom. 

To imitate the countryman in Punch, who 
said a propos of cordial, that he should " like to 
have some more of that in a mug." 



122 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To clear everything from the table, except the 
decorations and lights, before the dessert is set 
on, removing the crumbs with a silver crumb- 
scraper or a clean napkin and a plate. 

For the ices, to place a dessert-plate with an 
ice-spoon or a fork, at each place. 

To set on real fruit-napkins where peaches or 
other fruits that stain badly are to be eaten. 1 

To serve sherry with the soup ; Chablis, hock, 
or Sauterne with the fish-course ; claret and cham- 
pagne with the roast, or the latter may be opened 
at the game course. 

To substitute apollinaris water for wine if one 
wish to do so, or to give at a small dinner sherry 
and claret, or claret alone. 

To serve cordials or liqueurs after the dessert, 
poured out into tiny glasses (by the butler), and 
passed around the table on a small salver. 2 

x Fruit napkins are no longer used, save on the family 
dinner-table. 

* Or they may be handed around in the drawing-room. 



(&t a ©inner 123 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To retain one's knife and fork in one's hand or 
to lay them on the table when one's plate is 
removed at the end of a course, or when it is 
passed back to the carver for a second supply. 

In the opinion of some persons to give a heavy 
and elaborate dinner, without providing any wine 
to accompany it. According to the views of 
these persons, wine is needed with a heavy 
dinner to assist the digestion and prevent the 
guests from growing silent. As many physicians 
assert that wine impedes digestion, the question 
seems to be a difficult one to decide. As will 
be seen elsewhere, heavy dinners, and drinking 
wine at dinner, are both going out of fashion. 

To bring a champagne-bottle dripping with 
moisture to the table, or to allow the drops from 
it to fall on a lady's dress. 

To decant champagne or other sparkling 
wines. 



124 £0* Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To set champagne and other sparkling wines 
in an ice-pail to cool until just before they are 
served, and to pour them out as quickly as pos- 
sible after they are opened. 

To pass around a bowl of broken ice before 
the champagne is offered to the guests. 1 

To wrap a napkin about the champagne-bottle, 
as it is apt to be wet. 

To serve claret and Burgundy of about the 
same temperature as that of the room ; they are 
sometimes warmed slightly. 

To decant sherry, Madeira, and port, and 
usually claret. 

According to modern custom, for the servants 
to pour out wine for the guests at any formal 
meal. If the wine be on the table however, the 
host may offer it to his guests, and the gentle- 
men may help the ladies sitting next to them, 
passing the wine on to the nearest gentleman. 

For a servant to offer wine on the right hand. 
1 This has now gone out of fashion. 



(&t a linnet 125 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To put ice in any one's champagne-glass with- 
out first asking if he wish it. 

To ice claret or Burgundy. 

In the opinion of many people, to decant very 
old or rare wines. These are sometimes brought 
in — with the cobwebs left upon the bottle — as 
a proof of their age. 

To allow a stupid or untrained servant to pour 
out wine for the guests, since this task requires 
care, nicety, and a steady hand. 

To attempt to give an elaborate dinner of 
many courses without a large supply of china 
and plate. If one do so, the result will resemble 
that of Bob Sawyer's party. 



To offer wine on the left hand. 



126 £0e Coxxtti €§in% 

It is the Correct Thing 

To have the soiled dishes and silver promptly 
removed from the dining-room, by a special 
servant if necessary. 

For the guest to remove promptly the knife 
and fork, finger-bowl, etc., from his plate, in 
order not to delay the service of the next course. 

For the servant to pass the entrees to the 
guests in order that they may help themselves, 
holding the dish low, with a napkin under it, 
and flat on the hand. 

For a servant to have a small napkin wrapped 
around his hand, so that it shall not come in 
contact with the dishes. 

For one servant to offer each person the 
proper sauce or vegetables, following another 
who has just passed the meat or fish, etc. 

Where there are several servants, for one to 
begin at each side of the table, helping first the 
lady who sits next to the host, and the others in 
the order in which they sit, helping the gentle- 
men after all the ladies have been helped. 



(&t a ©inner 127 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To enliven the company with the cheerful 
sound of the washing of dishes in close proximity 
to the dining-room. 

For the servant to hand to the guests any- 
thing that requires carving, or that will be diffi- 
cult for them to remove from the dish. 

For the servant to hand to the guest platters 
large enough to be clumsy and to take up too 
much room. 

In the opinion of many persons for a servant 
to wear gloves in a private house. 

To allow a careless or inexperienced servant 
to pass dishes to the guests, in order that they 
may help themselves ; since he will be apt tc 
hold the dish too high or too low, to spill gravy, 
or to drop the spoon or fork on the floor. 

For the servant to omit the large tablespoon 
and fork when handing the entrees. 



128 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

(Where there is only one servant, he may, for 
the sake of convenience, help the guests in the 
order in which they sit, first of all, however, the 
lady on the host's right, next the one on his left, 
leaving the host to receive his plate last of all.) 

For a servant to offer all dishes on the left hand. 

For a butler to wear dark morning costume 
until the late dinner-hour, when he wears even- 
ing dress. 

According to English custom, for the second 
man to wear livery, — in fact, for all the men 
servants, save the first. Many persons, however, 
think that liveries are out of place in a republic 
like our own. 

When you wish to drink a person's health, to 
bow to him (the other person bowing in return) ; 
each one then drinks a few drops of wine, and 
sets down his glass, bowing again. 

To expedite, so far as is possible, the service 
of the table, the length prescribed for a dinner 
by modern usage being from one to two hours. 



(&f a ©inner 129 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To help the hostess first when other ladies are 
present. 

To help the host until after every one else has 
been helped. 

For a butler to wear evening dress before the 
late dinner-hour. 

For a butler to wear livery. 

Under ordinary circumstances, to drink toasts 
at private dinners. 

To drink a person's health in cold water, as 
this is thought to portend bad luck. 

To give dinners where the guests sit at table 
during three or four hours. Such long sessions 
are now thought to be wearisome, Edward the 
Seventh when Prince of Wales having intro- 
duced the fashion of remaining for a com- 
paratively short time at the table. 



130 



£0e Correct £0ing 



It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that the first law of the table is 
to do nothing that may be unpleasant to others. 

To speak of a person's "behavior at the 
table " or " manners at table." 

To arrive punctually at the hour named in the 
invitation for a dinner. 

To avoid leaning far back in one's chair, or 
sitting side wise, or on the edge of it. 

To eat soup with as little noise as possible, 
and to take it from the side of the spoon. 

To leave the soup on your plate if you par- 
ticularly dislike it. 

When helping to soup, to give each person 
half a ladleful, or a ladleful at a family dinner. 

To take hold of the knife by the handle, 
allowing the forefinger to rest on the upper part 
of the blade only. 

To use a silver fish-knife in addition to the 
fork when eating fish of a kind that requires 
this, and to help to it with a silver fish-knife or 
slice and fork. 



$f tafife 131 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To make one's self disagreeable in any way 
to one's neighbors. 

To use the expression " Table manners." 

To come more than five minutes before, or 
more than five minutes after the hour named 
for a dinner. 

To lean too much over the table, or to place 
one's elbows on it. 

To ask for a second helping of soup or fish. 

To put a spoon into the mouth point fore- 
most. 

To refuse soup. 

To fill the plate when helping to soup. 

To hold the knife or fork in any fancy way. 
They should be held in the simplest manner. 



To use a steel knife for helping to fish, or for 
eating it. 

To eat with one's knife. 



132 Z$i Coned £0mg 






It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that " hurry was made for 
slaves." 

For every one, for every gentleman certainly, 
to learn how to carve. 

For the butler to do the carving on the side- 
board or in the pantry at all ceremonious meals. 

To use a fork for breaking up and eating 
potatoes. 

To use a fork alone for eating croquettes, pat- 
ties, and most of the made-dishes now so fash- 
ionable, for vegetables, puddings not too soft, 
many fruits, soft cheese, etc. 

To use either spoon or fork for eating ice- 
cream. 1 

To use both knife and fork for salad which 
has not been previously cut up. 2 

To eat asparagus with the fingers, holding it 
by the butt, or it may be cut up with the knife 
and fork, and eaten with the aid of the latter. 

1 The fork is now usually preferred for eating ices. 

2 It is better to use a fork with a piece of bread. 



@f tam 133 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To eat rapidly. 

To raise and spread out the elbows when cut- 
ting up one's food, or to cut it all up at once, as 
if for a child. 

To display too much vigor in grasping one's 
knife and fork. 

To cut potato, or touch it with a knife. 

To use a spoon where one can conveniently 
use a fork. 

To cut salad into little pieces on one's plate, 
so that it looks like mince-meat. This should 
be done in the kitchen if at all. 

To leave a spoon standing in a teacup instead 
of laying it in the saucer. 

To take asparagus in one's fingers when it is 
covered with sauce. 

To drink tea out of the saucer, or to pour it 
into the saucer to cool. 



134 £0 e Correct Zfyinci 

It is the Correct Thing 

To eat celery and olives with the fingers. 

To use a fork for conveying back to one's 
plate as quietly as possible, fish bones, scraps 
of gristle, etc. 

To use a spoon for soup, puddings, tea, coffee 
and chocolate, preserves, berries (especially 
where milk or cream is served with them), cus- 
tards, or for any dishes too soft to be managed 
conveniently with a fork. 

To use a silver knife for fruit where one is 
required. 

To prepare and eat fruit with special nicety 
and care. 

To remove fruit stones and seeds from the 
mouth with the thumb and fingers, or with a fork. 

To remove the skins and stones of grapes 
from the mouth with the thumb and fingers. 

To use a fork as well as a knife with any 
juicy fruit, such as a juicy pear or a pineapple. 

To peel and slice bananas with a knife and 
fork, and then eat them with a fork. 



®f £afife 135 

It is not the Correct Thing 

When pouring out tea, to fill the cup so full 
that it runs over. 

To put sugar, cream, or lemon in the tea with- 
out first ascertaining whether any of these are 
desired, and in what quantity. 

To leave the spoon in the cup while drinking. 



To use a steel knife with fruit of any sort. 

To eat fruit in a mussy or unpleasant manner, 
getting one's fingers or mouth covered with juice. 

To spit the stones, seeds or skins of fruit into 
one's plate. 

To eat pineapples with the fingers. 

To eat bananas with the fingers, except at a 
very informal meal. 

To peel a pear or peach, and take up the 
juicy pieces in one's fingers, instead of using a 
fork. 



136 £0e Correct Zfyim 

It is the Correct Thing 

To peel an orange with a knife or spoon, 
divide it into pegs, and eat it with the aid of 
the fingers, or to cut it up nicely with a knife 
and fork, and eat it with the latter. 1 

To use a finger-bowl after eating fruit, — dip- 
ping the tips of the fingers in it, and passing 
them nicely over the mouth, then wiping both 
fingers and mouth on the napkin. 

To hold the fork in the right hand, when eat- 
ing with it, with the tines curving down in the 
middle so as to form a bowl, that is to say, in 
the reverse position from that in which the fork 
is held for carving. 

To use a second plate of about the same size 
as a tea plate for salad, where it is served at the 
same time with vegetables and meat or fish, 
This is in order to prevent the salad dressing 
from mixing with the vegetables. 

1 Oranges are now often cut in two with a sharp knife, 
and the pulp eaten with an orange-spoon, or with an ordi- 
nary teaspoon. 



$f ZckQU 137 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To suck an orange, or to eat it in public at all, 
if one cannot do so in a delicate way. 



To dip the whole hand in the finger-bowl. 

To open the mouth unduly wide in eating. 

To double up a large slice of meat or cake, or 
to " bolt " the same. 

To pack food on the back of the fork, thus 
necessitating the use of the fork wrong side up. 

To put the skins of potato, orange-peel, etc., 
on the table-cloth. 

To place the plate from which one has finished 
eating at one side instead of waiting for the wait- 
ress to remove it. 

To tip the plate in order to secure the last 
drops of soup. 

To tuck the feet up on the rounds of one's 
chair, or to place them on the stand of the 
table. 



138 £#e Correct £0tng 

It is the Correct Thing 

To put on only one plate where the fish or 
meat is served with salad and no other accom- 
paniment. 

" To raise the fork to the mouth laterally with 
the right hand," so that the fork will be nearly 
parallel with the mouth. 

To lay the knife and fork side by side on the 
plate, with the handles together, when sending it 
back for a second helping. This is the modern 
custom. 

To eat a boiled egg out of the shell with an 
egg-spoon. 

For the host to see that the wants of his guests 
are properly attended to, unless he have well- 
trained servants to whom he can safely depute 
this duty. 

For grown people to break bread in pieces 
before buttering it or eating it. 

To break open hot rolls, muffins, and gems. 

To ask the servant quietly for what you wish, 
after waiting for a suitable length of time. 






(&t £afife 139 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To use separate plates or " sauce " plates for 
vegetables or sauce. 

To crook the elbow in eating, so as to bring 
the hand round at a right angle, or the fork 
directly opposite the mouth. 

To rub spoon, fork, or knife on one's napkin 
before beginning to eat. This is a restaurant 
habit. 

To take a boiled egg out of the shell into a 
saucer or cup, or to eat it with a teaspoon, un- 
less in cases where no egg-spoon has been pro- 
vided. 

For adults to take " bites " out of a whole slice 
of bread. 

To cut open biscuits or other hot bread or 
cake. 

For the guest to starve instead of asking for 
what he needs. 



140 £#e Correct £§inci 

It is the Correct Thing 

To ask the hostess, or your neighbor, to pass 
you what you wish, where no servant is present 
to hand the dishes. 

To take the last piece on the dish if it be 
offered you. This shows your faith in the re- 
serve supplies of your host's larder. 

To keep a plate which has been handed to you 
by the servant, thus acquiescing in the arrange- 
ments of your host. 

To hold a wine-glass by the stem. 

To refuse wine if you wish to do so. 

To be calm and unruffled, even if you upset 
anything on the cloth, or drop anything on the 
floor. 

When in doubt, to observe what your neigh- 
bors do. 

To attend to the wants of one's neighbors, 
offering to pass them dishes, helping them to 
butter,, etc., where there is no waitress. 

To remember that no one is thinking about 
what you do half so much as you yourself are. 



$f £a6fe 141 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To trouble your neighbor to pass you the 
dishes where there is a servant present. 

To be or to appear greedy or in haste. 

For the lady of the house to allow her plate to 
be removed while her guests are still eating. 

To pass on a plate which the servant has 
handed to you. By doing so you create confu- 
sion and delay. 

To hold a wine-glass by the bowl, or to turn 
it up on one's nose in order to get the last drops 
of wine. 

To allow the servant to fill one's glass where 
one does not intend to drink the wine, — although 
one need not feel obliged to drink it merely from 
the fact that it has been poured out. 

To apologize save very briefly, if you break 
anything, or to offer to replace it. 

To be too precise and prim. 

To be flurried or nervous. This would only 
attract the attention which otherwise would not 
be bestowed upon you. 



142 £0e Coxxtct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the conversation to become general during 
part of the time at a small dinner. 

To refuse one or more courses at a long and 
elaborate dinner if you wish to do so. 

When dinner is served in the old-fashioned 
way, for the gentleman who sits next the hostess 
to offer to do the carving for her. 

If one have occasion to pass anything, to lay 
down one's knife or fork, and to hand the dish 
carefully. 

In handing a plate back to the carver for a 
second supply, to hold it in such a position that 
the carver can readily put the meat on it. 

To speak of " eating " soup. 

To help all the ladies, including those of the 
household, before any gentleman is helped, no 
matter how distinguished a person he may be. 

To take off your gloves as soon as you sit 
down at the table. 

To help the lady of the house first when no 
guests are present. 



$f tafife 143 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To neglect those who sit next you, in order to 
listen to some more witty and agreeable person. 

To talk across people, or to turn your back to 
those who sit next you. 

To make comments of any sort, but especially 
unfavourable ones, upon the food. 

To feed cats, dogs or any animals, at table, 
or what is still worse, to drop pieces of food or 
bones on the floor for their behoof. 

To ask a person to "dish out" food of any 
description. 

To reach in front of another person. 

To shove the dishes along the table. 

To speak of " drinking " soup. 

To pass a plate while holding fork, knife, 
bread or anything else in one's hand, or while 
masticating one's food. 

To tuck gloves in at the wrist, instead of 
removing them altogether, or to put them on the 
table or in a wine-glass. 

To use toothpicks either natural or artificial. 



144 £# e Correct €§it\Q 

It is the Correct Thing 

To spread the napkin upon the knees, unfold- 
ing it half-way, and in the case of little children 
to fasten it around the neck. 

To leave one's napkin unfolded on rising from 
table, especially at a formal meal. 

To fold one's napkin, where the hostess folds 
hers. 

To sit with the lower part of the back against 
that of the chair. This tends to prevent a slouch- 
ing attitude, and also lessens the danger of drop- 
ping food on the front of the dress. 

For Children j 

To wash the hands and if necessary the face, 
and to smooth the hair before coming to any 
meal. 

To wipe the mouth both before and after 
drinking, and to swallow what they are eating 
before beginning to drink. 

1 These rules, although especially intended for children, 
will apply with equal force to their elders. 



(&t taBfe 145 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For adults to tuck a napkin into a button-hole, 
or to fasten it at the neck. 

To leave one's napkin unfolded at an ordinary 
meal when the hostess folds up hers. 

For the host or hostess to urge a guest to eat 
more than he wishes. This old-time form of 
hospitality has now gone out of fashion. 

To place toothpicks on the table at a private 
house. 



For Children 

To come to table at any very long or cere- 
monious meal. 

To make playthings of the napkin-rings or 
silver, or to crumble up or play with bread. 

To arrange the food on the fork with the help 
of their fingers or of the knife. 

To turn the spoon over in the mouth, or to 
put it in wrong side up. 



146 £0e Correct Zfyins 

It is the Correct Thing 

To keep the chair on all its four legs. 

To use a piece of bread, or "bread-fork" to 
assist them in getting their food upon the fork. 1 

To ask for a clean fork, knife or spoon where 
their own has fallen upon the floor. 

To help themselves to a dish with the knife, 
fork or spoon provided for the purpose ; or if 
these implements have been forgotten, to ask 
the servant to bring them. 

To provide children with dessert-spoons for 
eating soup. 

To take just enough on the fork for a proper- 
sized mouthful. 

To have as an ordinary thing, a plain and 
wholesome diet. 

When they are old enough, to learn to eat 
what other people do. 

To eat bread and butter with the butter side 
up. 

1 Silver " pushers " ma) now be purchased for chil- 
dren to use, instead of the bread-fork. 



<&t £afife 147 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To wriggle and jump about on their chairs, or 
to lean too far over the table. 

To put the spoon or fork so far into the mouth 
that the bystanders are doubtful of its return to 
the light. 

To help themselves to any dish with their own 
knife, fork or spoon. 

To turn up the glass or mug on the nose, or 
to look at people while drinking, either over 
or through the glass. 

To wave about the spoon, knife, fork or 
napkin. 

To fill the fork with food along the whole 
length of the tines, and then to "eat off" part 
at a time. 

To drop more than a certain percentage of 
food on their bibs or napkins. 

To be overfastidious, asking questions about 
and making comments upon the food. 

To eat very rich or indigestible food. 

To eat too much. 



148 £0e Correct Z$inq> 

It is the Correct Thing 

To eat the pudding and the plums in it at the 
same time. 

To take the top slice of bread or cake, and to 
take the first piece that they touch. 

To lay the knife and fork side by side on the 
plate, with the handles together, when they have 
finished eating. 

To help girls before boys, and in the opinion 
of many persons, to help very little children first, 
when no guests are present. 

To hand a pitcher with the handle toward the 
recipient, and to hold spoons and forks by 
the middle, and a knife by the lower part of the 
shaft, the handle being turned toward the per- 
son to whom it is passed. 

To keep the mouth shut while eating. 

To teach children to come punctually to all 
meals. 

To see in their parents' behavior an example 
of good breeding. 

To preserve the public and private peace. 



<&t £afife 149 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To say they " love " any article of food, or 
to find fault with it. 

To ask for any article of food which is not 
upon the table. 

To force a child to eat what it especially dis- 
likes. The result is sometimes unexpected and 
disastrous. 

To allow children to be careless in their be- 
havior every day, and then scold them if they 
behave in the same manner before strangers. 

To allow them to have the " scrapings " of jam 
or jelly, unless it be in the privacy of the kitchen. 

To dip bread or cake into a glass of water. 

To dip bread into any sauce or gravy. 

To drain off a whole goblet at a draught. 

To speak while eating. 

To read at table. 

To hand a thing without looking to see what 
they are doing. Some unpleasant accidents have 
occurred in this way. 

To forbid children to speak at all. 



150 t§t Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To turn away the head when they are about 
to cough or sneeze, putting the handkerchief to 
the face at the same time. 

To make it a rule that children shall not settle 
their quarrels at table. 

To forbid them to make strange combinations 
of food on their plates. 









Qt ZaMt 151 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To allow children to talk constantly, thereby 
annoying one's guests. 

To hurry and worry their parents and other 
people by their anxiety to have a meal finished. 

To yawn or stretch themselves. 

To spoil every one's pleasure and contentment 
by being cross or quarrelsome. 

To tell tales about unpleasant or "bluggy" 
subjects. 



15 2 £*te Correct Zfyinq 

It is the Correct Thing 

To have a good parquet floor, smooth, but not 
too slippery, and to remove all rugs therefrom. 

To have plenty of good music. 

To have a handsome supper, brilliant lights, 
and beautiful decorations for a ball. 

To decorate assembly rooms with handsome 
hangings, old furniture, tapestry, etc., as well as 
with flowers and potted plants. 

To provide chairs for the german. 

For every lady to wear her handsomest robes, 
her richest jewelry, at a ball. 

For young girls to wear white or light colors, 
soft transparent materials, and costumes that 
have a youthful effect. 

For the hostess to provide a dressing-room for 
the ladies, and one for the gentlemen, together 
with one or more attendants to assist the former 
in taking off their wraps and overshoes, and to 
make necessary repairs to their dresses, in case 
these become torn in dancing, in the course of 
the evening. 



@t a <G)Mct 153 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To cover carpets with crash. This unwhole- 
some custom has gone out of fashion. 1 

For a hostess whose drawing-rooms are small, 
to employ so many musicians as to make the 
music unpleasantly loud. 

To leave much furniture in a ballroom at a 
private house, thereby incommoding the dancers. 

To leave neither chairs nor sofas for the 
chaperones. 

For debutantes or other young girls to wear 
much jewelry, dark silks or velvets, or rich laces. 

For women with ugly scraggy necks, shoul- 
ders and arms, to display them in a way that is 
painful to the beholders. 

For any woman to wear a corsage cut so low 
as to cause general and unfavorable comment. 

1 Almost every one now uses large rugs, which can 
easily be taken up for dancing. Those who have carpets 
nailed to the floor do sometimes use crash — but it is an 
unwholesome practice, the fine particles of linen getting 
into the lungs. 



154 £0 e Correct £§inz 

It is the Correct Thing 

At a ball, to serve supper throughout the 
evening, or to serve it at a stated hour ; in 
the latter case, a second supper of some sort will 
be needed for those who dance the cotillon. 

To have the cloak-bundles numbered at a 
public or assembly-room ball. 

For the giver of a large dance or ball to cause 
an awning to be placed at the entrance to his 
dwelling, together with a carpet on the steps or 
sidewalk; he should also employ a policeman 
or private servant to open the doors of the car- 
riages and help the ladies to get out. 

To have the carriages numbered at a ball 
given in an assembly room or public hall. 

For a lady to enter the room first, her husband 
following. 

For the eldest of several ladies to enter 
the room first, married ladies preceding single 
ones. 

For the hostess at a ball to receive her guests 
with a bow alone, if she wish to do so. 



(&t a Wtxnct 155 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To give a ball or dance and provide meagre 
or insufficient refreshments. The hostess who 
should do so would excite the wrath of dowagers 
and dancers alike, since dancing makes people 
very hungry, and the lookers-on — from sym- 
pathy no doubt — usually become hungry also. 

For all the attendants to leave the dressing- 
room at once, in order to see the dancing. 

To have careless people in attendance, who do 
not put each lady's wraps carefully away in 
a separate bundle. 

To have any delay in opening the street-door 
for the guests. 

For a lady to enter a room leaning on the arm 
of her husband or other escort. 

For gentlemen to neglect to speak to the 
young ladies of the house, or neglect to invite 
them to dance. 

For a gentleman who is not acquainted with 
the young ladies of the house, to neglect to be 
presented to them. 



156 Zfyt Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the guests to shake hands with or make 
their bow to the hostess as soon as they arrive. 

For young gentlemen to invite the young 
ladies of the house to dance. 

For the patronesses at a subscription ball to 
receive the guests with a bow at once gracious 
and graceful. 

For a lady to recognize or not, as she chooses, 
a gentleman whom she has met at a ball. 

For a gentleman to send a bouquet to a lady 
whom he has engaged beforehand to dance 
the cotillon with him, although this is not ob- 
ligatory. 

For a gentleman, when he asks a young lady to 
dance with him, to do so in a definite and polite 
way. 1 

For a gentleman to ask his partner where he 
shall leave her at the conclusion of a dance or 
promenade. 

1 Thus he may say, " May I have the pleasure ? " or 
" May I have the next dance, Miss ? " 



($t a ©ance 157 



It is not the Correct Thing 

For gentlemen to neglect to find and shake 
hands with the host, after speaking to the 
hostess. 

For a gentleman to ask a lady whom he does 
not know, to dance with him. In this country it 
is not permissible to do so. 

For a lady to pass without recognition a gen- 
tleman with whom she has danced the cotillon, 
or with whom she has had much conversation 
at a ball, where he is a young man of good 
character. 

For a gentleman to sit down in the supper- 
room or elsewhere at supper-time, where there 
are not seats enough for all, and where ladies 
are standing. Young men otherwise well-bred 
are sometimes guilty of this surprising breach of 
good manners. 

For a young lady to ask a gentleman to dance 
with her, to hint in any way that she should like 
to be asked to dance, or to make it difficult for a 
partner to leave her after a dance. 



158 £0e Correct tfyinq 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a young lady to ask her partner to leave 
her with her mother or chaperone at the con- 
clusion of a dance. 

To remember that the waltz-step changes 
every few years, and that a blunder in dancing 
is very like a crime. 

To remember that with perseverance, practice 
and correct instruction, any young person who is 
not deformed can learn how to dance. 

For a gentleman to bow to a lady when asking 
her, or claiming her for a dance, and for both of 
them to bow and say " Thank you," when the 
dance is over. 

For a good waltzer to dance the germ an, even 
if he do not know its figures. In this case he 
should sit near the foot, and watch carefully the 
evolutions of those who precede him. 

For gentlemen to dance who know how to do 
so, and for young ladies to look pleasant and 
good-natured, whether they are asked to dance 
or not. 



(&t a Wanct 159 



It is not the Correct Thing 

For a gentleman to say to a lady, " Are you 
engaged for the polka ? " This is a very impo- 
lite form of invitation. 

For a gentleman to ask a lady to dance with 
him a certain dance which he knows will not be 
given, — as " the first waltz after supper," when 
the cotillon is to succeed the supper. 

For man or woman, but especially man, to 
endeavor to waltz in public unless he knows the 
current ballroom step. 

For people to dance in the germ an when it is 
not their turn, particularly where the leader 
requests that this shall not be done. 

For a gentleman who is not an expert dancer, 
or who is not thoroughly acquainted with the 
figures of the german, to undertake to lead the 
cotillon. 

To introduce a gentleman to a lady without 
first asking her permission. 

For gentlemen (?) to refuse to dance when 
their hostess requests them to do so. 



160 £$e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a hostess to provide favors and bouquets 
for the cotillon. Three to six sets of favors are 
ordinarily used. 

For a gentleman to ask the hostess or a mutual 
friend to introduce him to a young lady with 
whom he wishes to dance. 

For a lady to refuse to dance if she wish to 
do so. taking care in this case to sit through- 
out the entire waltz, or whatever the dance may 
be. 

For a hostess to endeavor to provide all her 
guests with dancing partners, especially for the 
cotillon. 

For the hostess to have the assistance of one 
or two young men in the matter of making intro- 
ductions. 

^Where a gentleman has forgotten a dance en- 
gagement, to apologize and show regret for his 
carelessness, at the same time asking the young 
lady to give him another dance at the next 
opportunity. 



<$& a fatxnce 161 



It is not the Correct Thing 

For gentlemen to stand around the doorways, 
in dismal, black-coated groups, refusing to dance 
because they are too lazy to do so, or because 
their favorite partners are dancing with other 
persons. 

For a lady to refuse the invitation of one gen- 
tleman, and then accept that of another for the 
same dance. Duels have been fought for smaller 
matters than this. 

In the opinion of many persons, for husband 
and wife, or for an engaged couple, to dance to- 
gether throughout an entire evening. 



To forget dancing engagements, or to become 
engaged to two persons for the same dance. 



1 62 £0e Correct ZfyinQ 

It is the Correct Thing 

Where a gentleman has by mistake become 
engaged to two persons for the same dance, to 
endeavor to provide another partner for one of 
the ladies, especially where the dance in question 
is the cotillon. 

Where a lady has made this mistake she 
should apologize and release one of the gentle- 
men, preferably the one who asked her last. Or, 
where they ask her to do so, she may divide the 
dance between the two claimants, giving each 
half. 

For the host to lead the way to supper, taking 
in with him the most distinguished or the eldest 
lady present, and for the hostess to come last. 

For a gentleman to take in to supper the lady 
with whom he is talking when it is announced ; 
or — 

For a gentleman to invite a lady beforehand 
to go in to supper with him, if he wish to do so. 



($t a <E)anct 163 



It is not the Correct Thing 

For young girls to remain unreasonably late 
at balls, having mercy neither upon their mothers 
nor upon their german-partners, who may per- 
haps be obliged to get up early and go to busi- 
ness next day. 

To go away without taking leave of one's host- 
ess, if she is standing near the door of exit, and 
sees that one is about to leave. 

For two gentlemen who have collided in the 
waltz, or who have caused their partners to do 
so, to glare silently and wrathfully at each other. 

For a gentleman to dance " stag/' that is to 
say, dance alone, during a cotillon where some 
of the ladies have no partners. 

For a young girl to go to a subscription or 
public ball without a chaperone. 

For a gentleman who is talking to a young 
lady and her chaperone when supper is an- 
nounced, to offer his arm to the young lady, to 
take tier to the supper-room, leaving the elder 
to follow as she best may. 



1 64 £# e Correct Z$im 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a gentleman to ask any lady to whose 
wants no one seems to be attending, whether he 
may not bring her some refreshment. He should 
make a bow and withdraw at once, however, 
where he has been waiting upon a stranger. 

For a hostess to employ professional waiters 
at any large dance. 

For a gentleman to fill his own wine-glass and 
those of the ladies upon whom he is attending, 
and then to replace the bottle upon the table. 

To avoid even the appearance of greediness 
at the supper-table. 

For young girls to be accompanied by their 
maids, where they attend dances at private 
houses, to which their mothers have not been 
invited. 

For a gentleman to try in every possible way 
to prevent his partner in a round dance from fall- 
ing — holding her up if she slip, but releasing 
his hold upon her, if he finds that he himself is 
going down. 



(£t a fame* 165 



It is not the Correct Thing 

For a gentleman to attempt to enter into con- 
versation with a lady whom he does not know, 
using as a pretext for his behavior the fact that 
he has waited upon her at supper-time. 

For a gentleman to remain with a lady after 
supper is announced, when he is engaged to take 
another person in to supper, thus preventing the 
first lady from going in to the dining-room with 
some one else. 

For gentlemen to stand around the supper- 
table in such a way as to bar the approach of 
others, or for them to take more than their fair 
share of good things. 

For a gentleman to keep a bottle of wine under 
his arm, or hide it away from other people. 

For a gentleman to keep hold of his partner, 
where he finds himself falling. 

For young men to carry plates and dishes care- 
lessly through a crowded supper-room, spilling 
their contents on the clothes of the guests. 



1 66 ZQt Correct Zfyim 

It is the Correct Thing 

To go away from a ball without taking leave 
of the hostess, where one leaves early, or where 
the crowd makes it difficult to find her. 

For a gentleman to apologize where he has 
stepped on the foot or dress of his partner, or of 
another lady, where he has himself come into 
collision with others, or has caused his partner 
to do so. 

To serve supper from a large table, or to have 
the guests seated at small tables, with room for 
four or six persons at each, when the service is 
in courses. 

To have the favors arranged on two tables, 
one for the gentlemen, and one for the ladies. 

To have the favors given out by the patron- 
esses, by the hostess and one or two friends, or 
by the leader and his partner. 

For a gentleman who comes up to speak to a 
lady while she is talking to another man, to bow 
to the latter as a matter of courtesy, and by way 
of apology for speaking to his partner. 



®t a Wanct 167 



It is not the Correct Thing 

For a gentleman who goes to a dance with one 
or more ladies, to neglect them at supper-time. 
Even if he has engaged another partner for the 
supper-hour, he must also see that those under 
his charge are attended to. 



To serve supper at small tables, where there 
are not enough waiters to attend properly to the 
wants of the guests. 

To neglect your partner in the cotillon, in 
order to talk with some one else. 

For a gentleman to hesitate, or to rise slowly, 
when a lady offers him a favor in the cotillon, 
or holds out her hand, showing that she wishes 
to take him out. 

For a gentleman to neglect to escort to her 
seat, a lady with whom he has been dancing in 
the cotillon, or to forget to thank her, at the 
beginning and again at the end of the " turn." 



1 68 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To have the day and hour of an afternoon tea 
engraved on one's visiting-card, or written if one 
prefer it so. 

To use an " At Home " card for an afternoon 
reception if one wish to do so. 1 

To give simple refreshments at an afternoon 
tea. One need only provide tea, with thin slices 
of bread and butter or sandwiches, fancy biscuits 
or cake, coffee or chocolate ; ice cream and bouil- 
lon may be added to the list, also punch or 
lemonade. 

To remember that a large afternoon tea and a 
reception are very much alike, the latter being 
usually more formal in character. 



x The " At Home " is usually omitted, according to re- 
cent fashion, the card for one or more receptions con- 
taining, in addition to the names of the hostess and her 
daughter, and their address, the day or days at home, and 
sometimes the hour, using letters instead of figures, for 
date and hour. 



(&f (Afternoon £ea ox (Reception 169 

It is not the Correct Thing 

According to the newest fashion, to put the 
day of the month or the hour in figures in an 
engraved invitation. 

To use the letters a. m. or p. m. in an invita- 
tion, instead of o'clock. 

To give champagne or much wine of any sort 
at an afternoon tea. 

To have the rooms over or under heated. 



To give a handsome supper where the guests 
have been invited to afternoon tea. 

To use a low five-o'clock tea-table where a 
number of guests are expected, thus obliging the 
hostess to jump up constantly to receive her 
friends, and sit down as often to pour out tea. 



170 Zfyt Correct Zfyinq 

It is the Correct Thing 

For those who wish to do so, to have several 
varieties of delicate and pretty cakes, and several 
kinds of sandwiches and bread and butter, 
also salted almonds, candies, litchi-nuts, or other 
dainty trifles on the afternoon tea-table. 1 

To give oysters, salads, pates, boned turkey, 
ice cream, coffee, bonbons, etc., at an afternoon 
reception, if one wish to do so. 2 

For the hostess to pour out tea at a very small 
and informal occasion, or at a larger one to de- 
pute her daughters or other young ladies to pour 
out tea and coffee in the dining-room or the 
drawing-room. 

1 Some hostesses now give a great variety of sand- 
wiches, either made into a roll, or flat, and rilled with let- 
tuce or other salad, pate-de-foies-gras, cheese, nuts of 
various kinds, jelly, marmalade, caviare, etc., and bread 
and butter of different sorts. 

2 It is now the fashion to omit these more solid articles 
of food at afternoon occasions. Bouillon is always given 
at large teas in New York, in cold weather, also candies and 
chocolate. Ice cream in individual shapes may be added, 
also chocolate, coffee or punch (not made too strong). 



(&t Afternoon £ea or (gecepfton 171 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To allow the tea to stand on the leaves, since 
this renders it unwholesome. It should be made 
in an earthenware teapot, and transferred quickly 
to a silver one, or with a tea-ball immersed for a 
moment in each cup. 



To have tea poured out in the drawing-room 
when many persons are expected, because the 
arrangement would be an inconvenient one, and 
would crowd the guests. 



For guests to deposit their cups or plates in 
the drawing-room in a careless or awkward man- 
ner, setting them on varnished surfaces or on 
silken cloths, or too near the edge of a table, so 
that they will be likely to fail upon the floor. 



172 Z§* Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To have the tea poured out in the butler's 
pantry if more convenient to do so, and to have 
it passed around on a waiter by a servant, 
although it is "better form'' to have it poured 
out by the hostess or her deputy. 

To be sure that the simple refreshments are 
the very best of their kind, — using the " best of 
butter," tea of superior quality accompanied 
by cream, cut white sugar and slices of lemon 
for those who like tea made in Russian fash- 
ion; also bread cut very thin and spread very 
daintily, with the crusts trimmed off. 

To have the tea and coffee kept hot by means 
of urns with alcohol lamps beneath them. 

To serve iced tea in summer, flavored with 
lemon. 

To remember that cheap English breakfast tea 
is not fit to drink ; while cheap Oolong tea is 
sometimes pretty good. 1 

1 Ceylon teas are now thought very good. 



($t (Afternoon £ea or (Reception 173 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To use powdered or granulated sugar for the 
tea and coffee, or lump sugar with chocolate. 

To use cheap baker's, or poor or stale home- 
made cake. 

To prepare iced tea in such a way that it has 
a bitter taste. 



To have the tea cold or lukewarm. 

To have the tea "boiled," as this ruins its 
flavor. 

To use tea of an inferior quality. 

To give an afternoon tea (calling it by that 
name), and provide coffee as the only drink, or 
to give a " kaffee-klatsch," and provide only tea. 

To make the tea with water which is not abso- 
lutely boiling at the moment when it is poured 
upon the tea-leaves. 



174 £# e C°i* ec f £0W3 

It is the Correct Thing 

To provide whipped cream with chocolate. 

For the hostess to shake hands with her 
guests, and receive them with cordiality. 

For the hostess, at a large occasion, to have 
the assistance of other ladies in receiving her 
friends. These assistant hostesses should move 
about the rooms, entertaining the guests, asking 
them to go in and take some refreshment, and 
making the necessary introductions. 

For the hostess to remain near the door (but 
out of the draught) at a large reception, in order 
that the guests may find her easily. 

For the ladies who receive to wear a hand- 
some demi- toilette, — made of silk, satin, velvet, 
lace or some pretty woollen material, cut down at 
the neck if the wearer choose, and light or dark 
in color. 1 

1 It is now thought better style to wear a high-necked 
gown. Young girls when receiving wear white or light- 
colored dresses of chiffon or some pretty thin material, 
made high in the neck, with long sleeves. 



$f (Afternoon £ea or (gecejrfion 175 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For the hostess to be stiff and formal in her 
manner and greetings to her guests, since an 
afternoon tea is an informal occasion. 

For the hostess at a large reception to receive 
her friends without the assistance of some other 
person who can share the burden of hospitality 
with her. 

To invite guests to meet some distinguished 
person, and then neglect to introduce them to 
him. 

To introduce such a multitude of persons to a 
distinguished guest that he becomes wearied and 
confused. 

For the hostess to wear full evening-dress. 

For the guests to take off their bonnets when 
not specially invited to do so. 



176 Zfy* Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the hostess to move about the rooms, at a 
small or informal occasion, conversing with her 
guests and attending to their wants. 

For ladies who are guests to wear plain tailor- 
made costumes, or handsome reception-dresses if 
they prefer, retaining their hats, but taking off 
their outer wraps or leaving them on, at will. 
White or light gloves complete the visitor's 
costume. 

For gentlemen to wear formal morning-dress ; 
namely, black or dark frock-coat or cutaway, 
with high waistcoat to match, dark striped 
trousers, and scarf or necktie. 1 

To provide a dressing-room for the ladies 
and for gentlemen also, when they are invited. 

To remain at an afternoon reception half an 
hour or longer, if one choose to do so, and find 
friends with whom to converse. 

1 Present fashion permits gentlemen to wear at in- 
formal receptions in summer, ordinary sack suits, with 
white trousers if they like. 



<$t (Afternoon £ea or (Reception 177 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To detain the hostess in conversation in such 
a way as to prevent her from attending to other 
guests. 

For gentlemen to come into the drawing-room 
wearing their overcoats, or bringing their um- 
brellas with them. Young ladies who are asked 
to assist in receiving or in waiting on the guests 
should not wear dark street costume, nor retain 
their hats. They may, however, wear silk waists 
and dark skirts on informal occasions. 

For gentlemen to wear evening-dress at an 
afternoon occasion. 

To go to a lady's house to a tea or to a card 
reception (that is, reception for which cards of 
invitation have been issued) when one has not 
been invited. 

To go to every one of a series of receptions 
for which one has received cards. Thus if Mrs. 
Brown sent out cards for " Fridays in January," 
the same persons would not attend more than 
one or two of these receptions. 



178 £0e Correct £$in<z 

It is the Correct Thing 

To darken the windows and light the rooms 
by artificial light at a large and handsome recep- 
tion, also to decorate the house with iiowers and 
to hire a band of musicians, if the hostess wish 
to do so. 

To have a small informal dance succeed an 
afternoon tea or reception, notifying beforehand 
the guests who are to remain and take part in it, 
and perhaps asking others to remain, on the 
spur of the moment. 

For the hostess to wear gloves or go without 
them, as she prefers. 

For the daughter of the house and her friends 
to pass the tea, sandwiches, etc., and to attend 
to the wants of the guests at an informal after- 
noon tea. 

To use a " curate's assistant " or tall stand 
made with several shelves, to hold the bread and 
butter and cake for an informal tea. Afternoon 
tea-tables with two stories are also useful. 



(&t Afternoon £ea or (gecepfion 179 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To handle costly bric-a-brac, or to finger cur- 
tains and scarves as if one were in an uphol- 
sterer's shop. 

To give even a simple afternoon tea without 
providing sufficient service for the comfort and 
convenience of the guests. Hostesses who live 
in the country, and have only one maid-servant, 
should either hire a waitress for the afternoon, or 
depute a daughter or some young friend to bring 
fresh supplies of hot water, tea-cups and saucers 
as they are needed, since the maid-of- all-work 
will have her hands full attending to the door. 



: : : 



Z^c CcTccd 



It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that lunch, or luncheon, is prima- 
rily an informal meaL 

J:r 2 d:s:es5 :: —: :z.::- it: r_ies:5 t ::.-.: i 
sizirde md : --- — .-.' ;: t!t_i:~-: i~i expensive 
::.:: .: -s: i: de: ns:e 

as the size and nature of the occasion would 
nvts: :: Lemr_d. 

To remember that there is very little difference 
between a formal luncheon and a dinner 

On a ceremonious occasion, to set 1 
~_:l is :: ~:_:!d de irri" red ::: i dim 
!dzd:= id :~e ~sd :: d: s: is: i ;::: 
d: t:s silver, reiumd mni zm r! 
:iv::: the dishes >ert: ::;:v ±e sir: : 
handed around by the servants. 

To seat the guests at one large tab 
seven! !:rdt n: !ee i: en 

T: :se s:~;!e rnne-nrds "n ±e ~ 
:: ide d:s:es5. :: r-erfenv vim. 

For ladies to wear their bonnets or 1 
srrtr: :: :e:e;:::r. dress. 



: 



-d 



:: i: 



$f &,unc$ton 181 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To invite people who are in the habit of din- 
ing in the middle of the day, to take lunch with 
you, — unless you provide something substantial 
for them to eat, such as meat or fish in some 
form. 

To have the dishes as substantial in character 
as they would be at a dinner. 

In the opinion of many people, to give ladies' 
luncheons consisting of so many and such heavy 
courses as to cause the guests to have headaches 
on the following day. 

To have the floral arrangements as formal or 
as extensive as in the case of a dinner. 



For ladies to remove their hats unless especially 
requested to do so by the hostess. 



182 £#e Correct £0mg 

It is the Correct Thing 

To use an embroidered linen or lace centre- 
piece, preferably round in shape, and to place 
also in the middle of the table, a dish of fruit or 
growing ferns, or flowers in a bowl, vase or low, 
shallow receptacle of silver, glass or china. 
Loving-cups are much used for this purpose. 

For the guests to enter the dining-room sepa- 
rately, instead of arm in arm, the ladies going 
first, and the gentlemen following them. 

For a club luncheon or other special occasion, 
to have quotations or appropriate devices on 
the cards. 

For lunch-clubs to give luncheons where the 
hostess is limited to a small expenditure, as fifty 
or twenty-five cents for each person, or five 
dollars for the entire repast. 

To fold the bread in the napkin, as at dinner. 

To have the first course consist of fruit or of 
raw oysters (or clams in summer), or of bouillon 
or chicken consomme served in cups set on 
plates, and accompanied with large teaspoons. 






@t &unc§ton 183 



It is not the Correct Thing 

For ladies or gentlemen to wear evening dress 
or to keep their gloves on at table. 



For ladies and gentlemen to enter the dining- 
room arm in arm. 

To arrange small tables in such a way that 
the butler or waitress cannot conveniently pass 
around them to wait upon the guests. 

At a formal luncheon to place food on. the 
table, with the exception of the fruit, bonbons, 
olives, salted almonds, small fancy cakes or 
similar trifles. 

To use menu-cards at a private house. 

To serve bouillon in soup-plates at a formal 
lunch. 

According to English custom, to use finger- 
bowls at luncheon, although they are often thus 
used in this country. 



184 £0e Correct £#ing 



It is the Correct Thing 

For each plate or " cover " to be accompanied 
by two knives, two forks, one or two spoons, a 
water-goblet, and (where wine is given) a sherry 
glass or a claret glass or both. At an elaborate 
luncheon, three knives and forks, a raw^OtfsSr 
fork, etc. r ag' £& rr JJ£a ? 

JTj have Apollinaris or other effervescent 

waters take the place of wine at ladies' lunches. 

To have wine set on table in decanters, or 

offered by the servants. Sherry and claret are 

the wines usually preferred, or " cup." 

To use bouillon cups with a cover and two 
handles, and saucers to match. 

To have tea or coffee, or both, poured out by 
the hostess at an informal occasion, or poured 
out in the pantry and handed around in small 
cups on a waiter by the servant, at a formal one. 
At an informal lunch to place the dessert on 
table in the first instance if one wish to do so, 
and to serve the vegetables from the sideboard, 
the hostess helping to the chops, cold meats, etc. 



<&t feunc^eon 185 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To give many wines, especially at a ladies' 
lunch. 

For ladies who are unaccustomed to wine to 
drink champagne, eat Roman punch, and finish 
off with a tiny glass of liqueur. A headache or 
worse may be the consequence. 

To serve wine at a luncheon for young girls. 

To serve champagne at luncheon, though 
" cup," which is weaker than punch, may be 
given. 

To attempt to make any distinction between 
" lunch " and " luncheon," the words having be- 
come practically synonymous. 

To serve grapefruit without removing the 
seeds. The fruit should be cut in half, the 
seeds removed from the centre, and replaced by 
powdered sugar, and a little maraschino poured 
in. Other fruit should be used when in season, 
as strawberries, peaches, or cantelopes cut in 
half, with ice in the cavity. 



1 86 £0e Correct Zfynq 

It is the Correct Thing 

To have tea and coffee served in the dining- 
room, or drawing-room if preferred. 

To allow great latitude in the bill of fare at an 
informal occasion, — cold meats and salads, 
oysters in various forms, croquettes, French 
chops, fish, beefsteak or omelette being espe- 
cially suitable. 

To change the plates for dessert and for each 
course where there are several courses. 

At an elegant lunch-party to provide bouquets 
for all the ladies, placing them either beside 
each person's plate, or else grouped together so 
as to form a large centrepiece. 1 

To serve butter at luncheon in small balls 
placed on individual butter-plates, or to have a 
separate plate for the bread and butter, and to 
have the latter passed from the sideboard. 

1 It is now more customary to give one or two flowers 
or a bunch of violets. A rose with long stem, a chrys- 
anthemum or a few carnation pinks may be laid at each 
place, though the fashion of giving flowers in this way is 
on the wane. 



(&f &une0eon 187 

Is is not the Correct Thing 

According to English custom, to give tea or 
coffee at lunch. 

To give more than half a grapefruit or melon 
to each person. 

At a private luncheon to place vegetables on 
the table as at dinner. 

For a person to take her leave before the 
luncheon is over, and while the guests are still 
sitting at table. This procedure has been called 
— with more wit than elegance — " To Grab, 
Gobble, and Go." As the duration of a lunch- 
party is very uncertain however, a lady may 
sometimes be compelled to leave early, espe- 
cially where she has been invited to an " informal 
lunch " which proves to be a formal one. 

For a guest in her zeal for trophies to carry 
off cards or other decorations that the other 
ladies have omitted to take, or that are not 
intended for distribution. 1 

1 It has now ceased to be the fashion to give favors at 
luncheons. 



1 88 Z$t Correct Z$inz 

It is the Correct Thing 

According to English custom, to have the ser- 
vants leave the dining-room at an informal 
lunch, after helping the guests to the joint, vege- 
tables and wine, leaving the host and hostess to 
help to the entrees and sweets. 

To provide each guest with a bonbonniere or 
other pretty trifle if the hostess like to do so. 1 

To use a white cloth, or one richly ornamented 
with drawn- work and embroidery. 2 

To issue formal or informal invitations to 
lunch, according to the nature of the occasion. 
Usually such invitations are written in the first 
person, or are given by word of mouth. 

To send word to the hostess at once if pre- 
vented from going to a formal luncheon, after 
having accepted the invitation. 



1 See note on preceding page. 

2 It is now fashionable to use a polished mahogany 
table with no cloth, and dainty mats under the dishes. 
(See ante.) It is now possible to have a table finished 
in such a way that hot dishes leave no mark upon it. 



(&t &unc$ton 189 



It is not the Correct Thing 

For guests to remain long after luncheon, as 
the hostess may have other engagements. 

At a formal luncheon, to omit to provide each 
person with a silver knife for spreading butter 
on the bread. 

To serve chocolate alone after an elaborate 
luncheon, owing to its heavy and rather indigest- 
ible character. 

To introduce a novelty unsuited to the occa- 
sion simply because it is a novelty. 

To use a cloth which will not wash. 



To delay in answering an invitation to a 
formal lunch, thus incommoding the hostess. 

To stay away from a formal luncheon after 
accepting an invitation to attend one. 

To criticise, behind her back, the hostess who 
has been kind enough to entertain you, or to 
find fault with the entertainment itself. 



190 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the butler to wear dark morning costume. 

For the guests to arrive punctually. 

For those who wish to do so to invite guests 
to late or French breakfast (dijeuner a la four- 
chette), which does not differ materially from our 
luncheon, taking place rather earlier, however, — 
say at twelve or one o'clock. 

To have luncheon at one, or half-past one 
o'clock, and to send out the invitations one or 
two weeks in advance. 

According to recent fashion, a formal luncheon 
begins with fruit (in winter, grapefruit) followed 
by clam broth with whipped cream on top, or 
bouillon. The fish comes next — succeeded by 
an entree if desired. French chops with French 
pease or string beans, or filet of beef represents 
the " solid course," followed by salad, with birds 
if desired. Ices, candies and coffee complete 
the bill of fare unless fruit also is offered. 



<&t feunc^eon 191 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For the butler to wear evening dress (although 
it is often done). 

For the hostess to be disappointed or troubled 
if her guests fail to do justice to an elaborate 
lunch, since ■" dieting " has become so general 
that it bids fair to overthrow the elaborate and 
indigestible ladies' lunch. 

To talk gossip or scandal at a ladies' luncheon. 



[9 2 <£# e Correct £0mg 

It is the Correct Thing 

Far the parents and other relatives of a young 
man to treat his fiancte with cordiality. 

E6r parents to remember that they were once 

young themselves, and that those birds who are not 
allowed to mate in youth often do not mate at all. 

For a young gin] to remember that the parents 

of her fiance may be very punctilious people, in 
which ease they will certainly expect her to fol- 
low the strut laws prescribed by etiquette for 
her behavior. 

For a young lady to go out to walk or drive in 
a quiet way alter her wedding cards have been 
issued. Formerly this would have been thought 
extremely improper; but public opinion is no 
longer so foolishly rigorous as it was forty years 
ago, when brides (that were to be) went abroad 
only after nightfall. 1 

For a young lady to drive alone with \\qx fiance 
in frequented places, or on country roads with a 
groom or footman. 

1 See opposite page. 



3n (tltamage ^ (Engagements 193 

It is not the Correct Thin^ 

For the parents of a young woman to treat her 
fiance as if he were a robber chief who intended 
to break up their family and carry off the favorite 
of the flock. 

For the parents of young people who are en- 
gaged to allow the latter to do exactly as they 
please, without paying any attention to the laws 
laid down by etiquette for their behavior. 

For a young lady who wishes to adhere closely 
to the laws of etiquette to accept any invitations 
after her weddiii have been issued. 1 

For a young lady f o travel alone with her 
fiance, or to stay at the same hotel with him. 

According to the strict rules of etiquette, for a 
young lady to go to theatres, concerts or parties, 
alone with her fiance, or to drive alone with him 
in the evening, or on unfrequented roads. 

1 Much greater liberty is now allowed in this respect. 
A few quiet days before the bustle and excitement of the 
wedding are certainly in good taste, and restful to the 
bride-elect. 



194 £§* Cottect Zfyinz 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a young lady to write to all her intimate 
friends and tell them that her engagement will 
be announced on a certain near day, when her 
friends accordingly call, or send a congratulatory 
note. 1 

To call upon a young lady whose engagement 
is just announced, and send her flowers, or write 
her a congratulatory note. 2 

For a young man to present his fiancee with an 
engagement ring, the price of which is suited 
to his worldly means. A diamond solitaire ring 
is usually preferred by young men of wealth. 

For a bride to write a note expressing her 
thanks to each person who has sent her a wed- 
ding present. This should be done without per- 
adventure, either before or after the wedding. 

1 Her mother should assist her by writing similar notes 
to the relatives and to the older members of the family 
connection. 

*Itis now the fashion to send a cup and saucer, a 
spoon or some pretty trifle. 



3n (gtatriase * (Engagements 195 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To forget to write and announce one's mar- 
riage-engagement to the intimate friends of one's 
family, especially where these are elderly peo- 
ple. Deep offence is sometimes given by this 
omission. 

For young people to keep their engagement a 
secret from their parents. 

For a poor young man to present his ftanc'ee 
with a diamond or other expensive ring, thus 
causing other people to make remarks upon his 
folly and extravagance. 

To ask the near relatives or intimate friends 
of persons who are reported to be engaged to be 
married, whether such report be true, thus caus- 
ing said friends and relatives embarrassment, 
and perhaps making them tell a falsehood. 

To ask the family of a young man or woman 
whether they are pleased with his or her engage- 
ment. This question is only permissible in the 
case of relatives or intimate friends. 



196 Z$t Correct Zfyins 

It is the Correct Thing 

To congratulate a gentleman upon his engage- 
ment after it is formally announced. 

To remember that premature congratulations 
and untimely jokes have frightened more than 
one timid man out of his matrimonial intentions. 

For a young man to ask leave of the young 
lady's father, before paying his addresses to her, 
or to ask the latter' s consent, so soon as he has 
won that of the daughter. 

For a young man to ask the consent of the 
mother, where the father of his beloved is dead, 
or living elsewhere. 

For the parents of the groom to call first on 
the bride and her family, and for the two families 
to exchange hospitalities. 

For friends and relatives to invite the young 
couple to dinners and other entertainments. 






3n (tttarriage * (Engagements 197 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To fire off a congratulation at a young lady as 
if it were a shot out of a gun, showing more 
anxiety to perform your task than to spare the 
feelings of the young fiancee, who may not relish 
being congratulated in such an inconsiderate 
manner. Thus it would not be polite to con- 
gratulate a young lady across the table at a large 
dinner. 

To use the word " congratulate " or " congrat- 
ulations," in speaking to a young lady of her en- 
gagement. One should however express one's 
interest and pleasure in hearing the news, and 
wish her all possible happiness. 



i9 8 Zfc Cottut tfyinci 

It is the Correct Thing 

For prospective brides to be moderate in their 
demands upon the paternal purse for the ex- 
penses of the trousseau and wedding. 

For the bride to name the wedding-day. 

To have the invitations engraved on white 
note-paper of the best quality. 

To send invitations to all the friends of the 
families of both bride and groom, in the case of a 
large church-wedding. 

To invite only relatives and a limited number 
of friends to a house-wedding or wedding-recep- 
tion, or to invite all one's acquaintance if one's 
house be sufficiently large. 

To issue wedding-invitations in the name of 
the bride's father and mother ; the cards of the 
bride and groom elect are sometimes enclosed, but 
not as often as they formerly were. 1 

To send out supplementary cards announcing 
the marriage, in cases where only a limited num- 
ber of persons have been invited to the wedding. 
1 The bride and groom seldom send cards. 



$or a Webbing 199 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To celebrate a wedding with a parade and 
show that are out of proportion to one's means. 

To omit to invite any relative to a wedding, 
whether one be intimate with him or not. 

For friends to take offence because they are 
not all invited to a small house-wedding. 

To put " no cards " in the newspaper announce- 
ment of a wedding. 

For a bride to overtask her strength in prepar- 
ing the various articles of her trousseau, or for 
her to overweary herself by innumerable shop- 
ping expeditions and long visits to the dress- 
maker and milliner. Many a bride comes to 
the altar looking thin, pale and miserable from 
these causes, — thus destroying the very object 
that she has in view ; namely, that of looking her 
prettiest as a bride. 

To use the form " Lieutenant Jones." Lieu- 
tenants and officers of lower rank are designated 
as " Mr.," the rank being given beneath the 
name. 



200 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the bridegroom's family to make out a list 
of the persons whom they wish to have invited. 

The usual form of invitation is as follows : 
Mr. and Mrs. John Smith request the honor of 
's presence (at a home wedding, the pleas- 
ure of 's company) at the marriage of their 

daughter Susan Ames, to Mr. Timothy Jones, on 
Wednesday, April the eighth, at twelve o'clock, 
at St. Peter's Church, Brookfield. 

For the bridegroom to pay the clergyman's fee 
and provide the wedding-ring and the bride's 
bouquet, also a wedding present for the bride. 1 

For the bridegroom to give scarf-pins or other 
little gifts to the ushers, and for the bride to 
give bouquets or some little trinkets to the 
bridesmaids. The bridegroom sometimes gives 
the presents to the latter, or the bride may, if she 
please, provide the presents for the ushers. 2 

1 See also note on page 206. 

2 The groom may also send gloves and a tie to each usher, 
and to his best man, and bouquets to the bridesmaids. 



Sor a Weeing 201 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To use militia or complimentary titles in a 
wedding invitation. 

To tie up wedding-cards with white ribbon, — 
this custom having gone out of fashion. 

To use " Miss " before the bride's name, in the 
invitation to the wedding, or to omit " Mr." before 
that of the groom, unless it be replaced by Doctor, 
Reverend, Captain for an officer in the regular 
army or navy), or whatever his title may be. 

For the bridegroom or best man to forget to 
fee the officiating clergyman. The fee which 
the law awards the latter for performing the 
marriage-ceremony is a very small one ; custom 
has therefore decreed that the bridegroom shall 
pay to the clergyman a sum of money propor- 
tionate to his means. This may vary from five 
to one hundred dollars. 

In Massachusetts and some other States, for 
the bridegroom to forget to obtain a wedding- 
license in due season, since he cannot be mar- 
ried without one. 



202 £0e Correct Z§in$ 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the family of the bride to pay for the wed- 
ding-cards, the bride's trousseau, and the ex- 
penses of the wedding and reception. 

To answer an invitation to " a sit-down " wed- 
ding-breakfast or to a small house-wedding. 

For those who live at a distance, or who for 
any reason are not able to attend a wedding, 
to enclose their cards to the bride's father and 
mother, or the person in whose name the invita- 
tions are given, sending them so that they will 
arrive on the wedding-day. 

Where there is to be a reception after a church- 
wedding, to enclose cards for the reception in 
the same envelope with those for the church. 

To have from two to six or eight bridesmaids, 
chosen from the near relatives of the bride and 
groom, and from the bride's intimate friends. 
A maid of honor is now a feature in wedding 
processions. Except in name however and in 
the fact that she walks alone, a maid of honor 
is virtually a first bridesmaid. 



$ot a Webbing 203 



It is not the Correct Thing 



To send answers to invitations to a church- 
wedding or to a large wedding-reception where 
no answer is requested. 

To send an answer to a wedding-invitation to 
the bride or to the bridegroom's family because 
one does not happen to know those persons in 
whose name the invitation is sent. 

To feel hurt because one is not invited to a 
wedding-reception if one have received cards for 
the ceremony in the church, or if one receive 
supplementary cards announcing the marriage. 

For a married woman to act as bridesmaid. 

To have the bridesmaids follow the bride. 

According to the present fashion, to have 
groomsmen at a wedding. 

To use wedding-bells, or other stiff floral 
decorations. 



204 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the bridesmaids to wear white or light col- 
ors and hats, at morning or afternoon weddings, 
their costume being decided upon by the bride. 

For the best man to accompany the bride- 
groom to the church, to stand at his right hand, 
and a little behind him during the ceremony, 
administering moral support if necessary, to 
hold his hat, fee the clergyman, and assist the 
ushers in presenting guests at the wedding- * 
reception. 1 

For the bridegroom and all the gentlemen at a 
morning wedding to wear morning dress. 2 

1 The hat is now often left in the vestry. The best 
man takes care of the wedding-ring, producing it at the 
proper moment in the marriage service. He also is at 
the bridegroom's right hand on the day of the ceremony, 
assisting him to make all necessary arrangements, and 
relieving him of care, so far as possible. 

2 That is to say, formal morning dress, called by some 
authorities afternoon dress. It consists of frock coat 
with waistcoat to match (or of white duck if preferred), 
dark-striped trousers, four-in-hand or Ascot tie of white or 
pearl-colored silk, and patent leather shoes. At an even- 



Sot a TEetoing 205 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To have the bridesmaids dressed in sombre 
colors or heavy materials. 

For the best man to drive away from the 
church in the carriage with the bride and groom. 



For a bridegroom to wear evening dress at a 
morning or afternoon wedding. 

For a bridegroom to wear morning dress (that 
is, frock or cutaway coat) at an evening wedding. 

For a bridegroom to wear a white lawn neck- 
tie at a morning wedding. 

For the bride and bridegroom to drive to 
church in the same carriage. 

ing wedding, the groom, best man and ushers, all wear 
evening dress — that is, swallow-tailed coat, low-cut waist- 
coat (to match coat and trousers, or of white duck), and 
narrow white lawn tie. 



206 £0e Correct £0ms 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the bridegroom to drive to church with 
his best man, and wait for the bride at the altar. 1 

For the ushers to be at church in good season, 
and for them to place a ribbon or a rope of 
flowers across the church in such a way as to 
reserve plenty of room for the invited guests. 2 

For the ushers to escort the wedding-guests to 
their seats, placing the relatives of the groom on 
the right of the altar, — that is, next the bride- 
groom, — and those of the bride on the left, the 
near relatives sitting in the seats nearest to the 
altar. Guests may, if they prefer, seat them- 
selves, without waiting for the ushers, provided 
they do not take seats reserved for other 
persons. 

1 The groom provides this carriage, in which the best 
man may drive to the bride's house for the reception, the 
groom going with the bride. The groom also provides 
the carriage in which the bridal pair start for their honey- 
moon, after the reception. 

2 This dividing ribbon is not used so much as formerly, 
as it makes a somewhat invidious distinction. 



;§or a TEetoing 



207 



It is not the Correct Thing 

According to the present fashion, for the 
bride's mother or any lady, save those of the 
wedding procession, to go to a church wedding 
in the morning or afternoon, without a hat or 
bonnet. The guests should wear reception- 
dress. 

For persons who are not invited guests to 
press forward at a church wedding and take the 
seats that have been reserved for the friends of 
the bridal party. 



For the ushers to allow invited guests or other 
persons to take seats not intended for their use. 



208 £0e Correct ZfyitiQ 

It is the Correct Thing 

At a church-wedding, for the ushers to ask 
guests whether they are relatives, and if so, 
whether of the bride or groom. 

For the mother of the bride to come in shortly 
before the bridal cortege, escorted by some near 
relative or one of the ushers, and take her seat 
in the front pew. 

When the wedding procession enters the 
church, to have the ushers go up the aisle in 
pairs, followed by the bridesmaids in pairs. The 
bride comes last, leaning on the right arm of her 
father or nearest and eldest male relative. 

For the procession to divide when it reaches 
the altar, half the ushers and bridesmaids turn- 
ing to the right, and the other half to the left. 

To have the maid of honor walk alone, after 
the bridesmaids but before the bride. Her dress 
is usually unlike that of the bridesmaids. 

For the bridegroom to advance when the bride 
has come near to the altar, and lead her before 
it, taking her right hand. 



Sot a T2?eb&mg 209 



It is not the Correct Thing 



For the mother of the bride to form a part of 
the bridal cortege. 1 



To have the wedding procession go up the 
aisle of the church in a straggling manner, some 
of the couples walking fast and others going 
slowly. 

To have them proceed so slowly as to suggest 
a funeral march. 



1 Widows now sometimes give away their daughters. 



210 $0e Correct tfyitiQ 

It is the Correct Thing 

According to the new custom, for the father 
to " give away the bride " by bowing at the 
proper time in the service. 1 

For the father to stand a little behind the 
bride, and take his seat beside the bride's 
mother after he has performed his part of the 
service. 

For the first bridesmaid or the maid of honor, 
to stand near the bride, hold her bouquet dur- 
ing the ceremony, and assist her if necessary, in 
removing her left glove, — although it is now 
usual for brides to have the ring-finger of the 
glove cut off, so that it can be readily removed 
without taking off the whole glove. 

For the bridal couple to go down the aisle 
first, the bride taking the groom's right arm. 
They then leave the church immediately, and 
drive away together. 



1 Or he may come forward and place the bride's hand 
in that of the bridegroom or of the clergyman. 



Sot a Weeing 211 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For the bride to be late in arriving at the 
church. 

For the clergyman to kiss the bride, — al- 
though it was formerly customary for him to 
do so. 

For the bridegroom to provide a wedding-ring 
that is so large as to look vulgar. 

For the bridegroom to forget to provide the 
ring, or to drop it on the floor. 

For the bride to bow and smile, or look at 
people, as she enters or leaves the church. 

For the bride to wear a decollete costume at a 
wedding in a Roman Catholic church. 1 



x It is now the custom for brides to wear high-necked 
and long-sleeved gowns. Decollete dresses are no longer 
seen, unless occasionally at an evening wedding. 



212 £0e Correct Z$in$ 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the rest of the bridal procession to leave 
the church in the inverse order from that in 
which they entered it. 

At the conclusion of the marriage service, for 
the maid of honor or first bridesmaid to remove 
the veil from the bride's face, (a separate piece 
of tulle, easily detachable, is generally used for 
this purpose), and to arrange the bride's train, as 
she turns to leave the altar. 

For half the bridesmaids to stand near the 
bride, and the other half near the groom, at a 
wedding-reception. l 

For the ushers to remain near the door of the 
drawing-room at a wedding-reception, escorting 
the guests as fast as they arrive, to the bridal 
party, presenting them by name to the bride and 
groom, and then to the parents. Or the guests 
may walk in by themselves if they prefer to 
do so. 

x Or they may all stand together. 






Sot a TEe&fcing 213 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For the bride to scold the spectators in or 
around the entrance of the church, even should 
they be so thoughtless as to crowd about her in 
a disagreeable manner. 

For the father to say aloud " Her father " when 
asked who gives the bride away, — or for him to 
bow in an exaggerated way. 

For the guests to leave the pews before the 
families of the bride and bridegroom have passed 
down the aisle. White satin ribbons are often 
stretched down the aisle, to act as barriers, be- 
fore the entrance of the bridal party. They are 
removed after the bridal cortege and the families 
of the bride and groom have passed out. 



214 £# e Correct £§in$ 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the ushers to see that all the ladies are 
provided with refreshments. 

For the bride to retire from the reception after 
an hour and a half or more, and put on her trav- 
elling-dress, intimate friends and relatives re- 
maining to see her departure. 

For a bride to dance a square dance, if she 
wish to do so, at her own wedding, although 
usually she does not dance at all. 

To exhibit the presents privately to intimate 
friends before or after the wedding. 1 

For the friends of the groom to give presents to 
him as well as to the bride, if they wish to do so. 

To give articles of silver or jewelry, pictures, 
fine engravings, bric-a-brac, handsome lamps, 
books, china or glass ware, or other articles of 
ornament or use to a bride, marked (if at all) 
with her maiden name or initials. 

1 It is now usual to show the presents at the time of 
the wedding, in an up-stairs room, or one somewhat apart 
from the rooms where the guests are received. 






Sor a TJJei&tng 215 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For enthusiastic friends to throw old shoes 
with such force as to break the carriage windows 
or frighten the horses. 

According to the present fashion, to dance at 
a wedding, though occasionally there is dancing 
at an evening wedding. 

For a bride to dance waltzes or other round 
dances, or to dance much at her own wedding. 

To make the departure of the bridal pair an ex- 
cuse for rowdyism, the ringing of bells and the like. 

In the opinion of some persons, to exhibit the 
wedding-presents on the day of the marriage ; 
because this custom leads to an ostentatious dis- 
play of wealth and a rivalry in the purchase of 
expensive gifts which threaten to vulgarize the 
sending of wedding-presents, and to change into 
a mere mercenary matter that which should be 
an affair of real sentiment. 1 

In the opinion of some persons, to leave cards 
on wedding presents, when they are displayed. 

1 See note on opposite page. 



216 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that articles of the givers own 
handiwork are appropriate and acceptable wed- 
ding-gifts, however simple they may be, since 
they show a real sentiment. 

To be married in the morning rather than the 
evening, although some persons still prefer the 
latter. 1 

To have the boxes of wedding-cake piled on a 
table at the reception, that each guest may take 
a box away with him. Or a servant may stand 
at the door, and hand a box to each person as he 
departs. 

At a house-wedding for the clergyman to enter 
first and face the company, the bridal pair enter- 
ing together and facing him. After the cere- 
mony is over, the clergyman retires, and the 
bridal couple turn round in their places and re- 
ceive their friends, near relatives and very dear 
friends kissing the bride. 

1 Many weddings now take place in the afternoon. 



fox a Wetoing 217 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To give presents to the groom instead of to 
the bride. 

To have wedding-presents marked with the 
bride's future name or initials, as this is consid- 
ered unlucky. 



To send out boxes of wedding-cake to all one's 
acquaintance. 

For a guest at a reception to take more than 
one box of cake, unless requested to do so. 



According to modern custom for the guests in 
general to kiss the bride. 



218 £0e Correct Zfyins 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a bride to be married in travelling-dress 
and to omit the reception if she wish, inviting all 
her friends or only a very few persons to the 
church. 

According to recent fashion, the bridegroom 
may have a best man at a house-wedding. They 
take their places on the left of the clergyman. 
An aisle is marked off with white satin ribbon, 
usually by the ushers. The ushers then head 
the bridal cortege, followed in some cases by 
one bridesmaid or by several bridesmaidens, the 
bride entering last with her father. 

For a widow to wear a light-colored silk or a 
travelling-dress and bonnet on the occasion of 
her second marriage. 

For the bride to drop her middle name and 
retain her family name in its place, if she wish to 
do so. 

For those who have been invited to a wedding, 
to entertain the bridal pair in the course of the 
ensuing season. 



Jor a ^WtbbinQ 219 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For the guests to drink too much wine at a 
wedding reception, as young men, and perhaps 
others, sometimes do. 

To make a house-wedding as formal as one 
that takes place at church. Best man and 
bridesmaids do not often appear at the former. 



For a widow to continue to wear her first wed- 
ding-ring after her second marriage. 

For a widow to wear a bridal veil, orange- 
blossoms or white attire at her second wedding. 

To expect that newly married people will 
entertain extensively or expensively. 

For a bride to wear her bridal veil or orange- 
blossoms on any occasion subsequent to her 
marriage. 



220 tfyi Correct $0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a young married couple to hold one or 
two receptions after the marriage, or for the 
bride to issue cards for one or more afternoon 
teas, or for the parents of the bride or groom to 
give a reception in honor of the young couple. 

For those who choose to do so, to omit the 
wedding-tour and to make the retirement of the 
honeymoon extremely short. 1 

To word the announcement of a marriage in 
this way : Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Newcome an- 
nounce 2 the marriage of their daughter Mary 
Louisa to Mr. Timothy Titcomb, on Friday 
morning, October eighteenth, at Trinity Church, 
New York. 

1 It is now fashionable to spend the honeymoon at the 
country-house of a friend, the latter being of course absent. 
* Or better, " have the honor to announce." 






§or a TEefc&ing 2 2 1 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To neglect to send cards in acknowledgment 
of the receipt of a wedding-announcement. To 
neglect to call upon the bride and her parents, 
when one has been invited to the wedding. 

For a woman who believes herself a man's 
equal, to promise to obey him, as if she were a 
child or an inferior. 

For a bride to neglect to return promptly the 
calls made upon her. especially where she is 
living among those who are strangers to her. 

To word the announcement of a marriage like 
a wedding- nonce in a newspaper. 



222 £0e Correct t^im 

It is the Correct Thing 

To wear a costume appropriate to the occa- 
sion. 

To make the expenditure for one's clothing 
proportionate to one's income. 

To dress becomingly. 

To avoid wearing showy or striking costumes, 
especially in the street. 

To dress in such a way that the clothes appear 
of less consequence than the wearer. 

To remember that a dress which is intended 
to do long and constant service should be of a 
color that does not soil readily, and should be 
made plainly. Elaborate trimmings soon become 
shabby. 

To remember that it is far more desirable to 
have a dress made to fit the figure of the wearer, 
and the draperies made to hang in a graceful 
manner, than to have elaborate trimmings upon 
one's gown. 

To remember that each material has its own 
appropriate and proper style. 






jn staffers of ©rees 223 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To appear in a costume which is more or less 
handsome than the occasion warrants. To cio 
the former seems to show an undue vanity ; to 
do the latter implies a lack of respect for the 
hostess and her guests. 

To carry all one's worldly possessions on one's 
back, like a snail. No one who dresses more 
expensively than he can afford is respected for 
doing so. 



To imitate the style and make-up of a Worth 
costume in a home-made calico dress. The 
style which is appropriate to a silk dress is not 
usually suitable for a cheap material. 

To put handsome and expensive trimmings on 
a cheap material. 



224 £#e Cottut Zfyins 

It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that it is for the interest of the 
dressmaker to make a costume as elaborate as 
possible, and for the interest of the client to 
prune the exuberant fancy of the tailor. 

To remember that a woman who is pinched in 
at the waist with tight corsets, throttled around 
the neck with a tight collar, and cramped as to 
her feet with tight, high-heeled shoes, will walk 
about as gracefully as a swan on a turnpike- 
road. 

For every woman who can afford it to have 
a full-length mirror, in which she can see her 
whole figure at once. 

To consider carefully what colors, styles and 
materials are suitable and becoming to the figure, 
height, age and complexion of the person who is 
to wear them. 

To remember that a person who has not a 
good figure should endeavor to dress in such 
a way as to soften its defects rather than to dis- 
play them. 



3n QJiafters of ©ress 225 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To be the blind slave of any dressmaker or 
tailor. 



To endeavor to make over the human form 
divine into a poor imitation of a very inferior 
animal, — the wasp. 

To sacrifice ease, comfort, health and beauty 
to the momentary demand of an ugly and unbe- 
coming fashion. 

To study the effect of a costume in front only, 
forgetting to take into consideration the side and 
rear views of the same. 

For a tall woman to copy the dress of a short 
one, a fat woman that of a thin one, a pale 
woman that of a florid one, — in a word, for any 
person thoughtlessly to imitate the dress of 
another, the style of which may be wholly un- 
suited to the imitator. 

For women with arms like drum sticks to wear 
skin-tight sleeves. 



226 £0e Correct ZfyitXQ 

It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that grace is more pleasing than 
beauty. 

To remember that a very tall woman should 
wear a long, plain skirt, especially if she have a 
short waist. The lines of the skirt should be 
broken by trimming in order to make them 
appear shorter, wherever the tyranny of fashion 
permits. 

For a short woman to make the lines of the 
skirt as long as possible. To produce this effect 
the trimming should be placed up and down the 
breadths instead of across them, or put near 
the bottom of the dress. A short person should 
also avoid basques, except very short ones. 

For a very stout person to wear dark colors 
(which make one look smaller), and fine, closely 
woven materials. 

To dress in a style suited to one's age. 

To remember that good, well-fitting gloves and 
shoes, and a fresh hat or bonnet, are very im- 
portant items in one's costume. 



3n (JJtafters of ©ress 227 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For people with ugly, angular and high-shoul- 
dered or very stout figures to display them with- 
out any effort at softening or concealment. 

For a very tall, slender woman to wear a 
broad, flaring round hat, or a very high hat. 

For a short woman to wear much trimming on 
a skirt, thus making her height appear less than 
it really is. 

For a small person to wear large plaids or 
broad stripes. 

For a tall woman to wear a short dress. 

For a short-waisted woman to wear a belt. 

For a very stout person to wear loose rough 
cloth, which makes the wearer look larger than 
she really is. 



To wear boots, gloves or any garment from 
which one or more buttons are missing. 



228 £0e Comet €§in$ 

It is the Correct Thing 

To take off one's gloves at a dinner, luncheon 
or breakfast party, or at any " sit-down " meal. 

To wear garments that harmonize with one 
another in color and style, as well as in quality. 

To remember that a person's age is shown by 
the lines about the throat and neck, and that 
bonnets with strings fastening under the chin 
are therefore more becoming to middle-aged or 
elderly women than round hats or stringless 
bonnets, although at the present moment, 
strings are out of fashion. 

For middle-aged or elderly women to wear 
soft and becoming colors, and to remember that 
while beauty may be denied to them, they should 
nevertheless be able to present a tasteful, and 
harmonious and therefore agreeable appearance. 

To use white face-powder with a very sparing 
hand, if one be minded to do so. Many people 
do not approve of the use of powder, but it is 
not thought to be in " bad form," like the use of 
rouge. 



3n staffers of ©ress 229 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To take off one's gloves at a ball-supper 
afternoon tea or at any M stand-up " collation. 

To wear a very handsome and expensive 
bonnet with a cheap dress or mantle. 

To wear when one is forty years of age the 
colors which were becoming at sixteen, forget 
ting that the tints of the complexion necessarily 
change as one grows older. 



For middle-aged or elderly women to suppose 
that no one cares how they look, and to cease to 
pay any attention to the aesthetics of dress. 



To use hair-oil of any description. 
To dye the hair of a golden or any other color, 
or to use red. black or white paint. 

To dress in a loud, fast or flashy style. 



230 £0e Correct tfyinq 

It is the Correct Thing 

To use a very little perfume of the best 
quality, if one desire to do so. 

For gentlemen to wear evening-dress at a late , 
dinner and in the evening, at home or when 
calling. 

For gentlemen always to wear a narrow tie of 
white lawn or some similar material with even- 
ing-dress. 

To remember that clean linen covers a multi- 
tude of sins, and that a linen collar should never 
see a second sun. 

To remember that it is now extremely fashion- 
able to have clean, soft and well-cared-for hands 
and nails, and to employ a manicure or be one's 
own manicure. 

To wear a short skirt for shopping and gen- 
eral street wear, also for paying informal visits 
in the morning. 

To wear a clean, fresh shirt-waist, of washable 
material, in the morning. White is the color 
most in favor. 






3n QUaftet* of ©ress 231 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To use a quantity of perfumery. 

For a gentleman, under any circumstances, to 
wear evening-dress before the hour for late 
dinner (six o'clock). 

For a gentleman to wear white cravats or ties 
in winter, except with evening-dress. 1 

To wear any clothing that is soiled, espe- 
cially soiled collars or cuffs. The sight of these 
is peculiarly offensive to fastidious people. 

To economize in the matter of fresh pocket- 
handkerchiefs. 

To wear a " made-up" white lawn string tie. 
This is considered " bad form " and indeed all 
made-up ties are objected to by those who are 
exact in matters of dress. 

1 The reference in the text is to narrow ties. White 
silk four-in-hand ties are worn with formal morning-dress. 



232 £0e Correct C0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To wear a short tailor-made skirt of cloth or 
other heavy material, when riding the bicycle, 
or playing golf. 

To wear, when riding on horseback, a habit 
of black or dark cloth, made very simply, and 
much shorter than formerly. Habit skirts are 
now made to fit the figure, and just cover the 
foot when the lady is in the saddle. A derby 
hat and riding-boots or shoes complete the 
costume. 

For short and stout women to eschew shirt- 
waists, especially those of a different color from 
the skirt. 

Owing to the frequent changes of fashion, to 
have a comparatively small wardrobe, each cos- 
tume being well selected and kept in perfect 
repair. 

To be dressed tastefully, but in a quiet and 
simple manner. 

For men to wear in the daytime, where formal 
dress is not called for, informal morning-dress, 



3n (^tatters of ©ress 233 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To wear a bicycle or rainy-day skirt when 
making a formal call. 

To wear an excessively short skirt at any time. 

To wear a long skirt in the street, without 
holding it up. One who lets her dress sweep 
the sidewalk presents a very untidy and un- 
pleasant appearance, and collects disease germs 
as well. 

To wear in the street a waist made of such thin 
material as to show the neck and arms of the 
wearer. 

To wear ill-fitting, baggy, untidy or faded 
looking shirt-waists at any time. 

To have the hair present the appearance of 
never having been brushed or combed. 



234 £# e Correct Zfyinq 

It is the Correct Thing 

that is to say, sack or cutaway coat, with waist- 
coat and trousers to match, black, tan or russet 
shoes as preferred, white or colored shirt, tie and 
hat of almost any style in fashion, save the high 
silk hat. The black cutaway coat is more 
formal, and calls for striped trousers, black 
enamel or patent leather shoes, derby or silk 
hat. The black cutaway is a convenient coat, 
and may be worn to church. It is not worn so 
much now as formerly, but is used as a substi- 
tute for a frock coat, by those who do not pos- 
sess the latter. 

For men to wear, on any occasion calling for 
formal dress in the daytime (7. e. before six or 
seven o'clock in the evening), such as a wedding, 
an afternoon reception, at church, etc., formal 
morning-dress, or as it is often called, afternoon- 
dress, namely, black frock coat and waistcoat, 
striped trousers of quiet color, white shirt, silk 
hat, patent or enamelled leather shoes, buttoned or 
laced, four-in-hand or ascot tie, kid or dog-skin 



3n (JJtatfers of ©ress 235 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To wear a silk hat with a sack coat or, in the 
opinion of some persons, with any tailless coat, 
such as a Tuxedo. 

To wear a colored shirt with a frock coat. 

To wear a bow or string tie with a frock 
coat. 

To wear russet shoes with a frock coat. 



236 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

gloves of dark gray, tan or whatever color may be 
in fashion. Evening shades should not be worn. 
For men to wear for late dinner and all even- 
ing occasions, evening-dress, namely, swallow- 
tail coat, with trousers and low-cut waistcoat of 
the same material, narrow white lawn tie 
(" string " tie), white dress shirt, black silk stock- 
ings and patent leather shoes, button or Con- 
gress, or pumps. The Tuxedo tailless dinner- 
coat or dinner-jacket, is much used as a sub- 
stitute for the swallow-tail, for informal occasions 
in the evening, i. e. for men's dinners, the theatre 
(save at a theatre party), informal dinners at the 
house of a friend, on Sunday evening, etc. A 
white shirt, narrow black silk tie, trousers and 
low-cut waist-coat of the same material as the 
coat, go with it, also patent leather shoes. 






3n Qttafters of ©ress 237 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For men to wear white gloves in the daytime, 
unless possibly at a wedding. 

For an usher at a wedding in the daytime to 
wear any other coat than a frock coat, except 
on a very informal occasion. 



238 Zfyt Correct Zfyins 

It is the Correct Thing 

To return the salutations of all who greet you, 
servants and tradespeople included. 

To move the whole head and not the eyebrows 
alone, when making a bow. 

To bow in a courteous as well as decided 
manner. 

To bow respectfully to an elder or a superior. 

To bow once only to the same person on a 
public drive or promenade where people con- 
stantly pass and repass each other. 

To keep to the right, as the law directs. 

To refrain from staring at the passers-by, 
good-looking or the reverse. 

When in doubt to apply to a policeman for 
any necessary directions. 

For a gentleman to turn aside for a lady whom 
he meets when crossing, etc., and for a younger 
person to give the path to an older one. 1 

1 This custom, almost universal in America, does not 
prevail to the same extent on the continent of Europe. A 
German officer yields to no one, it is said. 



3n *0e J^reef 239 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To " cut " any person, unless for very grave 
causes. 

To nod in a familiar manner, unless it be to 
an intimate friend. 1 

To turn and look after any one who has 
passed by. 

To obstruct the sidewalk by standing and 
talking in the middle of it 

To gaze up into the sky or down into the 
gutter, and in consequence, run against other 
pedestrians. 

To carry a cane, umbrella or other object so 
that it will rest in the small of your neighbor's 
back. 

To call to another person on the opposite side 
of the street. 

To be dressed in a showy manner or in a way 
calculated to attract special attention. 

To talk or laugh loud. 

1 There is at the present time a regrettable tendency 
to substitute the nod for the bow. 



240 Zfyt Correct Zfyinq 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a gentleman walking with a lady to fall 
back on meeting another gentleman with a lady, 
where there is not room enough for all four to 
pass abreast. Parties of ladies meeting each 
other should follow the same rule. 



3n f0e JJfreef 241 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For three or four persons to walk abreast in 
a crowded street, thus inconveniencing other 
people. 

To eat candy, peanuts or anything else. 

To wear much jewelry. A lady should wear 
neither bracelet nor necklace when walking in 
the street. 

To crowd those whom you meet off the curb- 
stone or in a rural locality, off the plank-walk 
or flagstone on to the unpaved part of the walk. 

For the young college athlete to be so jealous 
of his right to a certain share of the sidewalk as to 
bump against the men who refuse to turn out, or 
to give them a " shoulder-lift " in football style. 



242 Z§t Coned £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 
For a Lady 

* To take a gentleman's arm in the evening un- 
less her hands should be fully occupied with her 
muff, or in holding up her dress. 

To bow first to a gentleman*^ 

Where two ladies are under the escort of one 
gentleman, for one of them only to take his arm, 
the other lady walking by her side. 



3n f0e §itxut 243 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For a Lady 

To wear a breastpin on a coat or other outside 
garment. 

To take a gentleman's arm in the daytime, 
unless it be in a crowded thoroughfare, on a 
slippery pavement, or under any other circum- 
stances where it may be necessary for protection 
or support. 

For two ladies to take each an arm of the same 
gentleman. 

For one lady to take the arms of two gentle- 
men, unless she be learning to skate. 



244 £# e Correct <£0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 
* For a Gentleman 

To offer his arm to a lady whom he is escort- 
ing in the evening. 

To offer his arm to an elderly or infirm lady 
at any time when he is walking with her. 

To offer his arm to a lady when the street or 
road is slippery, when they are passing through 
a crowd, or wherever it may be necessary to do 
so for her protection or support. 

To take the curbstone side of the street when 
walking with a lady, or — 

To take the left side in a crowded thorough- 
fare, that he may shield the lady from the 
elbows of the passers-by. 

When walking with a lady, to carry all her 
parcels, especially if they be heavy ones. 

If he wish to speak to a lady, to ask her per- 
mission to turn round and walk with her in the 
direction in which she is going. 









3n fl}e ^tttet 245 

It is not the Correct Thing 
For a Gentleman 

To allow a lady with whom he is walking to 
be jostled by the elbows of the passers-by. 

To allow a lady to pick up a parcel which she 
has dropped, without making any effort to assist 
her. 

To keep a lady standing in the street while 
he talks with her. 

To bow first to a lady. 1 

To cut a lady under any circumstances. 

To keep his hands in his pockets, especially if 
he is about to bow to a lady. 

To use profane language, especially within the 
hearing of ladies. 

To be unduly quarrelsome or to take offence 
unnecessarily at some imaginary insult to the 
ladies under his escort, since such conduct 
would bring the latter into a publicity most dis- 
tasteful to women of refinement. 

1 As a matter of practice, friends bow simultaneously. 



246 £0e Correct £0tng 

It is the Correct Thing 

To raise his hat, — 
First, When he bows to a lady or an elderly 

gentleman or a clergyman. 
Second, When he is with a lady who bows to 

any person, even if such person be a 

total stranger to him. 
Third, When he salutes a gentleman who is in 

the company of ladies. 
Fourth, When he is in the company of another 

gentleman who bows to a lady. 
Fifth, When he is with a lady and meets a 

gentleman whom he knows. 
Sixth, When he offers any civility to a lady who 

is a stranger to him. 
Seventh, When he parts with a lady after speak- 
ing to her, or after driving or walking 

with her, etc. 1 

x The removal or raising of the hat is one of the im- 
portant trifles distinguishing a gentleman. He raises it 
when presented to a lady, when she first speaks to him 
or he addresses her, when he passes her on a stairway 



3n f0e JJfreef 247 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To neglect to apologize if he has by accident 
stepped upon a lady's dress or brushed against 
her, in passing by. 

To put letters or parcels in his hat, — since 
they will be liable to drop out when he re- 
moves it. 

To smoke in a frequented thoroughfare or 
promenade. 

To smoke while walking, riding or driving 
with a lady, or while speaking to her in the 
street. 

For a lady to omit to ask a gentleman to re- 
sume his hat, if he keep it off, when speaking to 
her at the door of her carriage, in the street, 
etc. 

For a gentleman to neglect to give a lady 
whom he knows an opportunity to bow to him. 

or elsewhere where apology is due, when she thanks him 
for any little service. Where a lady fails to recognize a 
young man whom she has recently invited to her house, he 
may remove his hat, without looking at her. 



248 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To remove his hat with his left hand when 
bowing to a lady who will be likely to shake 
hands with him; otherwise, — 

To remove it with the hand farthest from her. 

To keep his hat on in a shop, at the entrance 
of a theatre, or in the corridors of a hotel, if he 
wish to do so. 

To take off his hat when he enters a private 
office. 

When escorting a lady to her house, to wait 
until she is admitted before taking his departure. 

To throw away his cigar or at least remove it 
from his mouth, when bowing to a lady. 



For a gentleman to remove his hat in an ele- 
vator or in the corridors of a hotel, where there 
are ladies. 



3n i$t Street 249 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To omit to raise his hat when introduced to a 
gentleman or when acknowledging a service 
done by the latter to the lady whom he is 
escorting. 

To leave a lady whom he is escorting at the 
foot of the steps of her house. It would be 
especially impolite for him to do so in the 
evening. 

To keep a cigar in his mouth when bowing to 
a lady. 

To hold a cigar in his hand when talking with 
a lady, unless he apologize for doing so. 

To keep his hat on in Memorial Hall, Cam- 
bridge. Harvard students especially resent this 
lack of respect for the illustrious dead. 

To force a bowing acquaintance on a person 
whom one knows slightly where the latter ap- 
pears not to desire it. 

To keep his hat on in an elevator where there 
are ladies, or in the upper or more private corri- 
dors of a hotel, apartment house or theatre. 



250 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that Louis Quatorze was in the 
habit of expressing twelve or more grades of 
respect or cordiality by the form of his salute. 
Following this illustrious example, one may return 
by a formal but polite bow the salutation of a 
person whom one knows slightly. 






3n (0e J^reef 251 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To bow first to a person of higher social posi- 
tion and exclusive views, where only a slight 
acquaintance exists. 

To be quick to take offence where one is not 
recognized, since elderly, near-sighted or absent- 
minded people often fail to observe those whom 
they meet. 



252 Z$t Correct C0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To be well dressed in garments of quiet 
colors and made of woollen or some other suit- 
able material. 

To remember that travelling is one of the 
severest tests of good breeding, and that a 
gentleman who is worthy of the name will be- 
have as well abroad as at home. 

If one bring his own luncheon, to have it 
neatly put up in a napkin, and to have the food 
arranged so that it can be eaten conveniently 
and with nicety. 

To be very careful in carrying bundles and 
umbrellas through a crowded car to hold them 
in such a way that they will not discommode 
one's fellow passengers. 

For a lady to carry as little luggage by hand 
as possible, especially when travelling with a 
gentleman. 

To attend to the checking of one's own luggage 
or to go with the person who does so, in order to 
avoid the possibility of mistake. 



W0en £ra*>effmg 253 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To be dressed in a showy manner or to wear 
garments of light .and delicate colors or made 
of rich materials. 

To think that any clothes, no matter how 
shabby they may be, are good enough to wear 
while one is travelling. 

To assume airs of superiority over one's fellow 
travellers, or to talk for their benefit. 

To talk or laugh loud or to giggle. 

To eat at short and frequent intervals during a 
journey or to leave the debris of one's food on 
the window-ledge, seat or floor of the car or boat. 

To carry bandboxes, bird-cages, newspaper 
bundles, growing plants, more than one basket 
or numerous packages of any sort. 

For ladies travelling with gentlemen to annoy 
the latter with unpunctuality or unreasonable 
and unnecessary requests, or for gentlemen to 
" harry " those under their charge by constantly 
worrying lest they should lose the train. 



254 &$* Comet C0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To have one's trunk marked with the owner's 
name. 

For a gentleman to offer to attend to a lady's 
luggage, leaving her meantime in the ladies' 
room. 

For a gentleman to buy the tickets and assist 
in checking the luggage of a lady who is under 
his charge; he should also give her her choice 
of seats, put her bundles in the rack, offer to 
get her refreshments, newspapers or books, and 
ask her, in the course of a journey of several 
hours, whether she would not like to walk up 
and down the platform at the stations. 

For a gentleman to accompany to her final 
destination a young or inexperienced woman 
who is under his charge, where no friend comes 
to meet her at the dock or station ; he should do 
the same thing for an elderly woman, if the hour 
of arrival be late at night, or if any other circum- 
stance render it unfit for her to travel without 
his protection. 









W^en Ztofodlinq, 255 



It is not the Correct Thing 



For a gentleman to leave a lady standing 
alone in a crowded station while he attends to 
her luggage. 

To insist upon being at each station an hour 
before the train or boat starts. 

For men who can read the sign " Ladies' 
Cabin," calmly to take their seats in a part of 
the ferry-boat which does not belong to them, 
allowing the rightful occupants to stand up. 



To expect a gentleman other than an intimate 
friend, to accompany a lady who has been casu- 
ally put under his charge, beyond the railroad 
station at the end of her journey, unless circum- 
stances render this imperative. 



256 %$i Correct Z$in<$ 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a lady to repay a gentleman for her travel- 
ling expenses. 

For a young lady or an inexperienced one, to 
have her friends meet her in the station at the 
end of a railroad journey. 

To refrain from swearing at the employes of a 
railroad, and from quarrelling with them. 

For a gentleman to offer to help a lady who 
appears to be in need of assistance, even though 
she be a stranger to him. Thus if a lady should 
be burdened with many packages, or should have 
several children under her care, it might be diffi- 
cult for her to change cars or go on shore from 
a steamboat, alone and unaided. 

For a gentleman to offer to open or shut the 
window for any lady. 

For one gentleman to talk with another who 
is a stranger to him, if this be mutually agree- 
able. 

To remember that the reporter also travelleth, 
and to be wary of what one says to strangers. 



T3?0en £rafceffing 257 



It is not the Correct Thing 



For a young lady travelling alone to take a 
hack at a railroad station in New York or any 
other large city with which she is not thoroughly 
acquainted. 

For women to consider that their privileges 
are their rights, or to forget to bow graciously 
and thank courteously and audibly any one who 
may have shown them any politeness. 

To force your conversation upon any one who 
evidently does not desire to hear it. 

To talk about one's own private affairs or 
those of anybody else, with a stranger. 

For gentlemen (?) to try to enter into conver- 
sation with young ladies who are unknown to 
them. 

For young ladies to enter into conversation 
with or accept favors from strangers, especially 
if these be young men. 



258 Z§* Correct C0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

For married or elderly ladies who are making 
a long journey, to converse with their fellow 
travellers in moderation, — if this should be 
agreeable to both parties. 

To remember that in ordinary cases, a travel- 
ling acquaintance is considered to end with the 
day's journey. 

Where a number of people are waiting to enter 
a railway car or public conveyance of any sort, 
for the men to stand aside and allow the ladies 
to pass in first. This elementary law of good 
breeding is sometimes broken by those who 
know better. 

To ask a person sitting in the same seat with 
yourself if he would like to look at your news- 
paper. 

To turn over a car-seat (which has been re- 
versed to form a resting-place for bundles, etc.) 
where it is the only unoccupied one in the car, 
after inquiring politely whether it be engaged or 
not. 






T#0en £rafceffing 259 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To be on familiar terms with one's fellow 
passengers on a sea-voyage or a long over- 
land journey, and then treat them as strangers at 
a subsequent meeting. 

To weary a travelling companion with a con- 
stant and uninterrupted flow of conversation. 

To call upon a person whom one has met in 
travelling, unless especially invited to do so. 

To sit down in the same seat with a stranger 
in a railroad-car without any preface or apology. 
It is especially rude for a gentleman to treat a 
lady in this way. 

To expect to take up more than one place in a 
seat when the car is full, or to turn over a seat 
and then look daggers at a person who dares to 
take an unoccupied place in it. 

To intrude one's self on a party of people who 
have turned over a seat, when there are other 
vacant places in the same car. 

To crush or crowd or jostle against people in 
getting on or off cars or ferry-boats. 



260 £# e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To reply politely if any one speak to you. 

To read part of the time, when travelling in 
company with another person, after having 
offered him (or her) a book or paper. 

To behave at a hotel table as one would at a 
table in a private house ; that is, in a quiet and 
gentlemanly or ladylike manner. 

In a railway-carriage, to ask a person whether 
the vacant half of his seat be engaged, before 
sitting down in it. 

To be quiet and courageous in the presence of 
danger. 

For a gentleman to offer his seat to a lady 
who is standing in a railway-carriage. It may 
not perhaps be considered obligatory to do this, 
but it would certainly be polite. 

To wait till the passengers who wish to leave, 
have had a chance to get off a train, boat or 
car, before attempting to get on board one's self. 

To say "sir," or "madam," when speaking to 
or thanking a stranger. 



OJ?^en £rafceff it\Q 261 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To put one's feet on the seats. 

For a person, not the owner of an accident 
policy, to put his head, arms or feet out of the 
car window. 

To imagine that it is necessary to eat every- 
thing within reach at table d'hote dinner, in 
order to get one's money's worth. 

To sing or talk loud on the deck of a steam- 
boat or outside the staterooms, after the rest of 
the passengers have gone to bed. 

To scream or shriek or behave with selfish- 
ness or brutality in time of danger, or to imagine 
that all women are cowards and all men brave. 

To take a chair which another person has just 
vacated, without waiting to see whether he means 
to return to it. 

To allow the porter to brush you off in such a 
way as to throw dust on other people. 

To take more than one's fair share of time for 
dressing in a sleeping-car, thus keeping other 
ladies out of the dressing-room. 



262 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that the world is very small and 
that it is very unsafe to behave ill in a foreign 
country, imagining that the news of one's be- 
havior will never reach home. 

To remember that the partition-walls on 
steamers and ships and even in hotels, are very 
thin, and to avoid reciting one's family history 
loud enough for the occupant of the next state- 
room or chamber to hear it. 

To accept cheerfully the small, inevitable ills 
of any unpleasant situation. 

To keep the American eagle very quiet when 
one is travelling in foreign countries. 

Where the employes of a railroad company do 
not carry out the rules or where the service is 
not as advertised, to call the matter to their atten- 
tion courteously but firmly, and if the occasion 
warrant, to complain to the proper officials, not 
from spite or a spirit of revenge, but in order to 
maintain the rights and comfort of the travelling 
public. 



T2?0en £rafceffing 263 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To say, in case of a slight squall at sea, 
" Captain, is there any hope left? " 

To instruct the ignorant foreigner about his 
own country or customs, since he probably will 
not value the information. 

To treat the natives of a foreign country in a 
condescending or supercilious manner. 

To pull up a window-shade in a car, where 
this will throw the sun into your neighbors eyes, 
or to pull it down in such a way as to deprive 
him of light, when he is reading. 

To grumble constantly at the accommodations 
for travellers or at the lack of the same. 

To make unfavorable comparisons between 
one's own town or country and the locality where 
one happens to be. 



264 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that swearing at foreign officials 
is a dangerous game, and that those who play at 
it often find themselves in prison. 

To remember that those who are in the seat 
behind feel the draught from an open window 
more strongly than the person who is sitting 
beside it. 

In approaching a ticket office or at the cus- 
tom-house, to keep in line and not seize a place 
to which one has no right. 

To show proper respect to the worshippers 
when one is within the precincts of any religious 
edifice, taking off one's hat, moving about quietly, 
if at all, and avoiding anything that might offend 
the belief or prejudices of others. 

To remember that the traveller is the natural 
prey of the landlord. 

To ask one's relatives or intimate friends when 
they are about to visit other cities or countries, if 
they can conveniently execute a few small com- 
missions, and to give them the money therefor. 



T2?0en ^rafceffing 265 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To fee employe's extravagantly, thus making 
a vulgar ostentation of wealth, and forcing people 
of moderate means to pay an exorbitant tariff or 
suffer from neglect. 

To open a window in a railroad-car without 
asking those who are sitting within reach of the 
draught whether they object to it. 

To talk out loud or (for a gentleman) to keep 
his hat on in a religious edifice. 

To smoke in cars or in public places in the 
presence of ladies. 

To spit on the floors of public conveyances, 
waiting-rooms, railway stations, etc. 1 

To ask any one to execute a shopping com- 
mission abroad without giving him the money 
necessary to pay for it. 

To ask acquaintances or persons who are not 

one's intimate friends, to execute commissions 

while they are travelling in Europe or elsewhere. 

1 This nuisance has been abated in recent years and an 
effort is being made to prevent spitting on the sidewalks 
also, as tending to communicate disease. 



266 £0e Correct C#mg 

It is the Correct Thing 

To tell the truth at the custom-house. 

To remember that it is neither customary nor 
safe for a lady to walk abroad alone in the cities 
of Continental Europe. 1 

For older ladies to give friendly advice in a 
kindly spirit, to young ladies travelling alone, if 
they see occasion for so doing. 

Where one is obliged to occupy a stateroom 
or cabin with other persons, to be courteous to 
and considerate of them, whether they be friends 
or strangers. 

For a lady to take off her hat at the opera 
or theatre, lest it obstruct the view of those 
sitting behind her. 

1 This state of affairs has been somewhat modified, 
since so many Americans have travelled in Europe. 
Young ladies should, if possible, be accompanied by an 
older person. 






T3?0en £ra&eff ing 267 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To leave the door of a railroad-car open. 

For commuters to occupy an entire seat for 
each person, allowing parties of ladies to look in 
vain for an unoccupied seat, and not offering 
them a chance to sit together. 

To be disobliging in the smoking-car, prevent- 
ing other men from playing whist because one is 
too selfish to change his seat. 

To accept a " light " from another passenger 
and omit to thank him for this or any other 
civility. 

To insist upon another passenger's changing 
his seat in the smoker when he is unwilling to 
do so. 



268 Zfyt Correct C0ing 

-- 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a gentleman who wishes to surrender his 
seat to a lady to rise before making the offer, 
and make it in a courteous manner. 

For a gentleman to give up his seat to a 
lady. 

For a lady to bow courteously to a gentleman 
who offers her his seat, at the same time thank- 
ing him audibly. 

Tor all passengers to be prompt and obliging 
about moving up and making room for other 
persons. 

For a gentleman to offer to pass up the ladies' 
fares in a car or stage where there is no con- 
ductor. 

For a lady who feels ill or very much fatigued, 
to say courteously to a gentleman that she does 
not feel at all well, and ask whether he will be 
so kind as to give her his seat for this reason. 

To avoid crowding or pushing against other 
persons or sitting on their clothing, when one 
takes a seat. 



T£0en £ra&effmg in Jlf reef * Cars 269 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For a gentleman who wishes to offer a lady 
his seat, to sit still and beckon to her to 
approach. 

For a gentleman to remain seated while an old 
or lame woman, or a woman with a baby in her 
arms, stands up. 

For a lady to seem in any way to demand the 
seat occupied by a gentleman, or to hint that he 
ought to vacate it. 

For a gentleman to take a seat that has been 
vacated, while there are ladies standing up. 

For passengers to sit sidewise or take up 
more than their fair share of the seat in a 
crowded car. 

For a young and strong woman to expect an 
elderly man to give her his seat. 

For a man to be so absorbed in reading the 
newspaper that he fails to observe ladies are 
standing. 

To tread on other people's feet or deposit 
baskets or bundles on them. 



270 ZQt Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

For gentlemen to get off the steps of a 
crowded car platform when a lady is about to 
leave the car. 

For a lady to avoid, if possible, taking a seat 
on one of the three rear benches of the open car, 
usually devoted to smokers. 






T5?^en £rafceff itiQ in ^f reef * Cars 2 7 1 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For a man to carry a lighted cigar in a railway 
station, or in any public conveyance save a 
smoking-car or compartment. 

For gentlemen to remain standing on the 
platform in* such a way that a lady will be 
obliged to crowd past them in order to get off 
the car. 

For a lady to step off a car facing in any 
other direction than that in which the car is 
going. She should also, if possible, take hold of 
the front rail of the car platform. 

To leave the car by the front platform. 



272 Zfyz Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that " time is money " to some 
one, if not to yourself. 

To remember that " short accounts make long 
friends." 

To make an agreement as to all particulars 
whenever it is possible to do so, before closing a 
transaction. 

To remember that a contract can be broken 
only by consent of both or all the parties to 
it. 

To remember that the solvent debtors pay in 
reality for the debts of the insolvent. 

To remember that one failure makes many. 

To be righteously indignant if a bill which has 
been already paid is sent in a second time. 

To pay washerwomen, seamstresses and other 
persons employed by the day very promptly. 
They should be paid at the end of each day or 
week. 

For employes to improve their spare time and 
for employers to encourage them in doing so. 



3n ftje (gmintBB Worft 273 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To become surety for another person or to 
indorse notes for him unless one be prepared 
and able to pay them if he fail to do so. 

To dun a debtor in a persistent and unpleas- 
ant manner. 

To run up bills without keeping any account 
of them. 

To buy what one does not need, merely be- 
cause it is "cheap." 

To buy goods on credit without knowing their 
precise cost, or without fixing the time for pay- 
ment. 

To be angry at the presentation of an unpaid 
bill. 

To allow washerwomen or other persons who 
are day-laborers and dependent on their daily 
wages for their means of subsistence, to call 
several times for their pay, thus wasting time 
precious to them, and perhaps causing them 
suffering and privation. 



274 £# e Correct Zfyinq 

It is the Correct Thing 

To beware of false pride and an affectation of 
gentility in business, as in social relations. 

To remember that it is no child's play to suc- 
ceed in business of any kind. 

To remember that in the midst of the battle of 
life there is no time to learn its tactics, which 
must be mastered beforehand by every soldier, 
lawyer, business or professional man. 

To be willing to work hard and concentrate 
one's whole attention upon whatever one is doing. 

To remember that the knowledge of a trade 
or profession is in itself a capital. 

To remember that many college-bred and 
other well-educated men now work with their 
hands at farming and in technical callings, thus 
proving that they do not consider manual labor 
degrading, while the sons of small farmers 
desert their farms and refuse to work with their 
hands. 

To remember that where one knave succeeds, 
a hundred fail. 



3n flje (§\xsintBB TEorft 275 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To be " above one's business " or to imagine 
that work is degrading. 

To be unwilling to learn a trade or business 
thoroughly or to imagine that one can succeed in 
a business, trade or profession without a thor- 
ough training for it. 

To purchase on credit where one can as easily 
pay cash. 

To fill one's office or counting-room with 
tobacco smoke. 

To neglect or despise a fraction of a cent. 

To sew good cloth with cotton thread. 

For young men and women to leave comfort- 
able homes in the country and crowd to the 
cities, forcing down the price of labor, and then 
grumble because they do not succeed in their 
undertakings. 

To think it more genteel to be a counter- 
jumper at another man's beck and call, than a 
farmer or a tradesman and "one's own master." 

To imagine that all rascals succeed in life. 



276 %$z Correct Zfyinq 

It is the Correct Thing 

To make a business letter intelligible, express- 
ing the exact meaning of the writer, and to make 
it also legible and brief. 

To remember that a business letter should be 
extremely courteous in tone. 

To put the full date, address and signature in 
a business letter, and to answer all the questions 
of one's correspondent. 

To put the full address of one's correspondent 
on the envelope of a business letter — giving the 
name of the county and that of the State. 

To address a letter to a firm, " Messrs. R. H. 
Macy & Co." 

To begin a letter to a firm in this way : 
Messrs. R. H. Macy & Co. 

Gentlemen (or Dear Sirs) : x 



1 Or : The Misses Bacon. 
Mesdames : 

Some people avoid the use of the French plural by 
addressing one of the ladies, as: Miss Bacon. Dear 
Madam. 



3n *0e (jBusiness TEorffc 277 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To write a letter on a matter of business in an 
ambiguous or rambling style. 

To make unnecessary repetitions or to be un- 
duly curt in a business letter. 



To sign a letter with "Messrs." prefixed to the 
signature. 

To begin a letter : 
The Misses Bacon. 
Dear Madams: 

To omit " Messrs." when writing to a firm. 

To omit to give a person his or her proper 
title, as " Mrs." or " Esq." because he or she hap- 
pens to be a distinguished person. 

To gamble or speculate with money which 
one cannot afford to lose. 



278 Zfyt Correct Zfyinq 

It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that a character for probity is a 
capital one need never lose. 

To enclose stamps sufficient to cover the 
weight of the manuscript when sending to an 
editor a manuscript which is to be returned if 
not used. 

For an editor of a magazine or weekly paper 
to send cheques to the contributors when their 
articles are published, and to send also to each 
of them a copy of the magazine containing his 
article. 

For a contributor to write to the editor of a 
newspaper and ask to have a cheque sent to him, 
after the publication of one of his articles or a 
series of them. It is customary however, in 
some of our large cities, for the contributors to 
the great dailies to call at the newspaper offices, 
and get the pay due to them. 

To remember that editors and publishers are 
very busy people, and to make one's visits to 
them as brief as possible. 



3n f0e (J&usiness TEorfo 279 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To be impolite to an editor or to annoy him 
with frequent letters or unreasonable requests. 

For the editor of a weekly or monthly publica- 
tion to refuse to return a manuscript to the 
sender where stamps are enclosed and address 
given. 

For an editor of a magazine to accept an 
article and publish it, and then compel the writer 
of it to dun him repeatedly for his pay. 

To expect that communications to a daily 
paper in a large city will be returned if not used. 

To send a manuscript to an author upon 
whom one has no real claim, and to ask him 
to read it over and give his opinion of it. 

To treat a lady employed as governess, secre- 
tary or in any other capacity, as if she were a 
menial. This shows a lack of good breeding, as 
well as innate vulgarity. 

To force one's way into an editorial or other 
sanctum, or to insist upon seeing busy people on 
one's own business. 



280 Z$t Cotxtct Zfyinq 

It is the Correct Thing 

To be uniformly polite in business relations, 
and to remember that a pleasant manner is 
almost always a passport to success. 

To avoid as far as possible a " professional 
manner," such as one sometimes observes among 
doctors, clergymen, lawyers and others. 

To pay a teacher, artist, lecturer or other 
professional person, by means of a cheque or 
money enclosed in an envelope. 



3n f0e (gusiness Wotfb 281 

Is is not the Correct Thing 

To be gruff or disobliging in business rela- 
tions, or to be too diffusive or over-zealous. 

For a self-made man to boast continually of 
his own work; namely, himself. 

To abuse or not to take proper care of a hired 
house or horse, or any article belonging to an- 
other person. 

For a lady employed in a business capacity 
to expect or claim social recognition at the hands 
of her employers. 

For Croesus to adopt a tone of hauteur or con- 
descension to men of standing in the profes- 
sional or business world. 

To send money, unenclosed, to a lady or 
gentleman, by the hands of a servant. 



282 £#e Correct Zfying; 

It is the Correct Thing 

For employes to be patient, cheerful and 
obliging. 

For employes to remember that it is their busi- 
ness to wait upon customers, and to be civil to 
them. 

For a salesman to prove that he respects him- 
self by showing due respect to others. 

For a salesman to advise a customer or assist 
her in making a choice, if asked to do so. 

For a shopkeeper to be as polite to a poor 
customer as to a rich one. 

For salesmen to remember that customers can- 
not always know just what they want until they 
have seen the new fabrics of the season, and that 
a customer has a right to walk through a shop, 
looking at articles for a reasonable length of 
time, without being compelled to purchase any- 
thing. 

When one intends only to look at articles and 
not to buy till another day, to say so in the first 
instance. 



3n popping 283 



It is not the Correct Thing 

For employes to be uncivil or cross to cus- 
tomers because the shop is crowded, or because 
they are tired. 

For employes to talk to each other while cus- 
tomers are awaiting their attention. 

For employes to be impertinent to customers, 
or to make remarks upon them in the hearing of 
other customers. 

For a salesman to advise a customer when he 
has not been asked to do so. 

For a salesman to be sulky if a customer do 
not purchase his goods. 

For employers to be harsh or arbitrary in their 
treatment of employes, especially where these are 
children. 

For customers to look over goods and take up 
the time of the salesman, without any real inten- 
tion of making a purchase, because they wish 
to see the new styles in order to copy them in 
their home dressmaking. 



284 £0e Correct Zfyinz 

It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that the feminine for " man " is 
" woman ; " for " salesman" " saleswoMAN ; " and 
that while a saleswoman, like any other person 
of her sex, may or may not be a lady, she is still 
a woman, and if she be engaged in selling, a 
saleswoman. 

For a customer to know beforehand as nearly 
as possible what she wishes to buy. 

To hold the door open for a person who is 
entering or coming out of a shop just behind one. 
The second comer should in her turn take hold of 
the door as she passes through the doorway. 

To shut the door ! 

For purchasers to do their Christmas shopping 
in good season, before December so far as pos- 
sible, thus avoiding a crush themselves, and 
saving the employes in shops from much extra 
fatigue and hardship. 

If one wish to see a piece of goods nearer the 
light, to ask the clerk politely if he cannot bring 
or send the material to the desired spot. 



3n popping 285 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To use the expression "sales-lady," which is 
quite as absurd as to say " a sales-GENTLEMAN." 

For customers to speak sharply to employes, 
or be rude to them. 

For gentlemen (?) to try to flirt with sales- 
women and annoy them with foolish speeches. 



To let the door of a shop slam in the face of 
another person, or to allow a stranger to hold the 
door open while one passes through the doorway 
without making any attempt to hold the door open 
for one's self. 



For customers to expect to be allowed to carry 
valuable dress goods or other articles to the door 
of a shop, or to scold and make an outcry be- 
cause such an unreasonable request is refused. 



286 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

When buying white goods, to ask for those 
bearing the label of the Consumers' League, 
since this certifies to the fact that they have been 
made under humane and sanitary conditions. 

To patronize shops on the White League list, 
remembering that in a Christian land, it con- 
cerns the consumer, under what circumstances 
the goods which he purchases are made, and 
how the employes who wait on him are treated. 

For salesman and customer both to say 
" Thank you ! " when a sale is completed, and 
the package, or change, handed to the latter. 

To assist in the movement for a Saturday half- 
holiday among shopkeepers, and in other humane 
movements for the benefit of employes in shops. 

To join the Audubon Society, which seeks to 
preserve our birds, and to save them as well as 
animals from cruel and inhuman treatment. 

To receive with some caution the assurance of 
the milliner, that feathers of all sorts and kinds 
are grown by chickens or pigeons. 



3n J^ojxping 287 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To buy very cheap goods presumably made 
up in sweat shops, thus endangering one's own 
health or even life, as well as helping to perpet- 
uate a cruel system of human slavery. 

For sales men or women to insist that an 
article matches another perfectly, or that it is 
"just what the customer wants," when the cus- 
tomer expresses a contrary opinion. 

To allow a person to buy damaged goods with- 
out knowing their real condition. 



To buy aigrets, the procuring of which has 
nearly exterminated, under circumstances of 
great cruelty, a very beautiful bird. 

To buy or wear any feathers save those of the 
ostrich, domestic fowls or game birds. 

To buy Persian lamb coats, muffs or other 
articles involving the cruel treatment and threat- 
ening the extermination of animals. 



288 Z$t totnct Zfyins 

It is the Correct Thing 

To wear mourning dress after the death of a 
near relative. It is not now considered obliga- 
tory to do so however, many persons objecting 
on principle to this custom. Some persons 
merely avoid wearing colored garments, and 
wear black materials of any sort, instead of the 
regulation mourning dress. 

To remember that all children, and almost all 
men, greatly dislike mourning dress. 

To wear plain lustreless black woollen stuffs 
and crape when one is in deep mourning. 1 

For a lady who is in deep mourning to have 
her garments made up in a very simple manner. 
She can, if she please, select expensive materials 
of fine texture for her wardrobe. 

To wear lustreless black silk trimmed with 
crape in the secondary stages of mourning. 2 

1 Waists of lustreless silk, to go under the tailor-made 
jacket, may now be worn in deep mourning. A widow 
may also, if she please, relieve the sombre black by wear- 
ing white collars and cuffs of delicate muslin. 

2 Crape is now usually left off, in secondary mourning. 



3n QUouming 289 

It is not the Correct Thing 

In the opinion of most people to wear mourn- 
ing dress for as great a length of time after the 
death of a relation as it was formerly the fashion 
to do. 

To wear mourning dress, and especially crape 
veils, for an excessive length of time, forgetting 
that the long-continued sight of such gloomy gar- 
ments will be apt to depress the spirits of a 
whole household. 

To dress children in mourning, according to 
the prevailing sentiment in this country. 

To wear mourning dress of an ostentatiously 
sombre character. It is especially inappropriate 
to do so in cases where the mourner is not in 
reality in deep sorrow. 

For a lady who is wearing deep mourning 
dress to have it trimmed in an elaborate manner, 
or over-loaded with crape. 



290 £#e Correct £§inz 

It is the Correct Thing 

To wear black woollen materials trimmed with 
lustreless silk or black braid, and bonnets made 
of or trimmed with silk, in ordinary mourning. 

To wear in deep mourning a veil of nun's veiling 
or crape, thrown back over the bonnet, with a veil 
of black lace net edged with crape over the face. 

To wear a crape veil over the face at a funeral, 
and perhaps for a short time thereafter, if the 
wearer crave its protection. 

To wear black silk without crape, for compli- 
mentary mourning. 1 

To remember that there are in this country no 
general laws laying down the exact length of 
time during which mourning should be worn. 

For a widow to leave off her weeds when she 
has become " reconciled " to the death of her 
first husband, if a decent length of time have 
elapsed since the event. 

"This form of mourning is not worn for more than 
three months, and consists simply of black, excluding 
however, velvet and ostrich feathers. 



3n (gtoutning 291 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To wear bright jet trimmings when in deep 
mourning. 

To wear velvet when one is in deep mourning. 
Thus a crape hat and veil and a mantle of 
velvet would present an incongruous appear- 
ance if worn together. 

To wear a crape veil over the face, thus per- 
petuating a barbarous and very unwholesome 
custom which is rapidly falling into desuetude. 

To ask a person who is dressed in deep mourn- 
ing what relative he has lost. 



For any one save a widow to wear a widow's 
cap either under a bonnet or without it. 

In the opinion of most persons, for the mother 
or other relations to wear crape after the death 
of a young child, or to wear mourning for it 
during more than a year. 1 

1 For an infant, it suffices to wear black, with touches 
of white or gray, for three months. 



292 £0e Cottut £0tng 

It is the Correct Thing 

For widows to wear deep mourning includ- 
ing crape veil, during two years, some widows 
retaining a deep mourning costume during 
life. 1 

To wear deep mourning for a parent during 
one year, and lighter or ordinary mourning, 
during a second year; some persons continue 
to wear deep mourning dress, with crape veil, 
for two years. 

To wear mourning for a brother or sister 
during one or two years, — deep mourning at 
first, and lighter mourning afterward. 3 

1 No one, not even a widow, need wear full deep 
mourning for more than a year. Widows and mourning 
mothers and daughters wear much slighter mourning after 
the first year. This can be distinguished at sight from 
the first year's mourning. Thus a widow discards her 
cap and shortens her veil, in the second year. She need 
not wear black, unless she choose, for more than two 
years, but many widows wear it (not however the deepest 
mourning) for many years, or for life. 

* It is now usual for sisters to wear mourning for only 
one year. 



3n (Jttourmng 293 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For a widow who is still wearing her weeds, to 
carry on flirtations or angle for a second husband. 



To wear deep mourning dress during long 
periods of time for one's husband's relatives, or 
for persons whom one has never seen, or has 
never known intimately. 1 

To go into society, to receive or to pay formal 
visits, when one is in deep mourning. 

To continue to darken the windows of a house 
after a funeral has taken place, thus rendering it 
damp and unwholesome. 

1 While an affectionate wife desires to do what will be 
agreeable to her husband's feelings, it is repugnant to her 
good taste to assume deep mourning garb, where deep 
sorrow does not exist, in these days when mourning is 
worn less and less. She should 'however show proper re- 
spect to the memory of his relations, and especially of his 
parents, by refraining from going into society, and by wear- 
ing, if he desire it, moderate mourning, or at least black, 
for a time. 



294 £0 e Coned Z$in§ 

It is the Correct Thing 

To wear ordinary mourning during three or 
six months for an uncle, aunt or grandparent ; 
many persons do not put on mourning at all 
however, except for very near relatives. 1 

For parents to wear mourning for grown-up 
sons or daughters during one or two years. 

To remember that the idea of paying proper 
respect to the dead enters into all our theories 
of mourning, and that this respect is especially 
due to older persons. 

To remember that the strictest and most 
formal observance of mourning customs is not 
necessarily the concomitant of the most sincere 
grief, and that to some persons long periods of 
strict seclusion are extremely depressing, as well 
as unwholesome and injurious. 

1 Black may be substituted for formal mourning, al- 
though something will depend on the degree of intimacy 
and affection that had existed, between aunt and niece, 
for instance. It is not now considered obligatory to 
wear mourning for uncles, aunts or grandparents. 



3n QUouming 295 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For older persons to expect younger ones to 
remain for long periods of time in strict seclusion, 
shrouding sensitive youth in perpetual gloom. 

For young people to be unwilling to pay proper 
respect to- the dead during a suitable period of 
time. 

For a young girl to wear a bonnet and crape veil. 
She should wear a hat of crape or chiffon, or a 
black straw hat, trimmed with one or the other. 

To go to a concert within three months, or to 

the theatre or other public place of amusement 

within six months after the death of a near 

relative. 1 

1 More latitude is now allowed to persons in mourning, 
as it is now seen to be cruel to condemn those in sorrow 
to strict seclusion, shutting them up in a gloomy prison of 
grief, as it were. Hence mourners may, in a quiet way, 
go to concerts, lectures or readings, or even to mat- 
inees at the theatre or opera, should they desire to do 
so. Some people think however that it is in question- 
able taste to appear at the theatre or at a concert while 
wearing crape. The difficulty is sometimes avoided by 
hiring a box and sitting somewhat in the rear of it. 



296 £0e Cottcct £0mg 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a gentleman to wear a weed on his hat 
after the death of a near relative. Some gentle- 
men put on complete suits of mourning ; but the 
majority, especially in the Eastern States, do not 
do so. 1 

For men to remain in seclusion after the death 
of relatives during a shorter period than women, 
since the business and affairs of the former neces- 
sarily call them abroad. 

For a widower to wear mourning during two 
years, if he remain single so long. 2 

To wear black or quiet colors at a funeral, 
especially that of a relative or intimate friend. 

To use all possible tact when making a visit 
of condolence, carefully avoiding the introduc- 
tion of any subject which might cause additional 
distress to those who are in sorrow, and showing 
one's sympathy more by manner than in words. 

1 Very wide weeds or hat-bands have now gone out of 
fashion, narrower ones being worn. 

2 One year or eighteen months is now thought sufficient. 



3n QUourning 297 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To be unkind or uncharitable in one's judg- 
ment of the conduct of those persons who do not 
believe in a very formal observance of mourning 
customs. 

For a man to appear in gay society shortly 
after the death of a near relative or of his wife. 

To ask or expect young people to wear mourn- 
ing for uncle, aunt or grandparent, whom they 
have known slightly, or not at all. 



To gratify one's curiosity at the expense of the 
feelings of those who are in sorrow. 



For any one to feel hurt because a mourner, 
in the first prostration of grief, refuses to see 
him. 



298 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To call within a month at the house of a 
friend or acquaintance where there has been a 
death ; intimate friends call before or after the 
funeral. 

To call upon strangers, or in the country upon 
neighbors, who are in affliction. Some sad cases 
have occurred where people were entirely neg- 
lected by their neighbors, each person supposing 
that some one else had called and offered assist- 
ance or sympathy. 

To give a person who is in deep sorrow an 
opportunity to speak of what lies nearest his 
heart, rather than to mention the subject one's 
self. 

For intimate or old friends to send brief letters 
of condolence to those who are in affliction, 
offering affectionate sympathy and religious com- 
fort, if they feel sincerely moved to do so. 

To lay aside mourning dress, and to appear in 
white, gray or purple at the wedding of a rela- 
tive or intimate friend. 



3n (JJlourning 299 



It is not the Correct Thing 

For ordinary acquaintances to expect to be 
admitted, when calling upon persons who are in 
affliction. 

To appear intrusive or seem indifferent when 
calling upon a person in affliction. 

To express one's sympathy toward a person in 
affliction if one meet him in the street or other 
public place. 



When making a visit of condolence to express 
a wish to hear the details of a person's last illness 
and death, forgetting how painful these subjects 
must be to a near and dear relative of the 
deceased. 



To wear mourning at a wedding. 
For persons in deep mourning to go to large 
or gay weddings. 



300 £0e Cornet £0mg 

It is the Correct Thing 

To send letters of condolence promptly, if at 
all. 

To abstain from giving or attending an enter- 
tainment on the day of the funeral of a cousin 
or other relation, or within a short time after his 
death, since to do otherwise would show a lack 
of family feeling and of respect for the dead. 

To show all possible kindness toward those 
who are in deep sorrow, writing brief but sym- 
pathetic letters of condolence, calling to see the 
mourner, and doing all that one can, without 
being officious, to lighten the heavy burden of 
real grief. 



3n (Wtoumtng 301 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To write long or formal letters of condolence, 
or to preach to persons in affliction, telling them 
they must be resigned to the will of Providence. 

To give an entertainment or to attend one, on 
the day of the funeral of a relation or near con- 
nection by marriage, even where a family quarrel 
exists. Public opinion is outraged by such a 
display of bad feeling. 

To make sympathy the cloak for garrulity, 
troubling those who are in sorrow with an end- 
less amount of talk. 

To make the affliction of your neighbor in the 
country an excuse for indulging your curiosity 
about her affairs, by prying about her house. 



302 



£0e Cotttct £0mg 



It is the Correct Thing 

For members to make themselves familiar 
with the rules and regulations of the organiza- 
tion to which they belong, and to obey these 
laws. 

For a member of a small social club — such 
as a dining-club — to object to the admission of 
any person whose society is not congenial to 
him. The reason of this rule is evident. It 
would destroy the very object of the existence 
of a club of this sort, — namely, mutual good- 
fellowship and common social enjoyment, — if a 
member whose society was unacceptable to some 
of his fellows, should be thrust into the circle to 
mar its harmony. 1 



* It is now customary ti have the question of admission 
settled by a committee on membership. Where their 
decision is favorable the Board of Governors ratify it by 
a purely formal vote. Where a candidate is thought to 
be persona non grata, the committee quietly ask the 
proposer and seconder to withdraw his name. Thus 
blackballing — an ugly word in clubdom — is avoided. 



&t a CtuQ 303 



It is not the Correct Thing 



For a member of a small social club to persist 
in proposing for membership a person who has 
been repeatedly proposed without success. In 
some organizations it is provided by law that no 
person shall be a candidate for election within a 
specified period of time after admission has been 
refused him ; but in those clubs where no such 
provision exists, members should be very careful 
not to force upon their associates a person who 
may be uncongenial to them, since those who 
have objected to such a candidate several times 
will in many cases ultimately relinquish their 
opposition, not because they are convinced that 
they have been in error, but because they do not 
wish to appear disobliging. 



304 £0e Correct tfyinq 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the governing committee or other mem- 
bers of a large club, to lay aside personal preju- 
dice when voting upon the admission of a new 
member, and for them to take into consideration 
these questions only : Is the record of the can- 
didate in question a clear one? Is he in all 
respects eligible to form one of an assembly of 
gentlemen ? (This rule does not militate with 
the foregoing, because the circumstances of the 
two cases are entirely different. A large club 
forms a little world in itself, and the members 
of it are not necessarily on intimate terms with 
one another, — indeed, many of the members 
do not even know each other. Therefore it 
is not essential that they should all be con- 
genial.) 

For the members of a club to make themselves 
agreeable, or at least not disagreeable, to their 
fellow members. A gentleman is supposed to 
behave at his club-house as he would at his own 
home ; it is therefore evident that he should be 



Qt ft £f«6 305 



It is not the Correct Thing 

For one of the governing committee or other 
member of a large club to blackball from spite or 
any personal motive a candidate who has been 
proposed as a new member. If the latter have a 
good record, and if he be in other respects 
eligible as a member of the club, he ought not 
to be kept out of it to gratify the personal pique 
or whim of those in power. 



To appear selfish or greedy ; to monopolize al- 
ways the best armchair, or the most favorable 
position in the favorite bow-window or elsewhere. 



306 £0e Correct €§it\Q 

It is the Correct Thing 

courteous, and show a spirit of tolerance toward 
others. 

To respect the rights and comfort of others, 
and speak only in a low tone of voice in the 
reading-rooms or library. 

To remember that the law which forbids 
giving fees to servants, is strictly enforced in 
most club-houses, and is not by any means a 
dead letter. 

For gentlemen to wear evening dress when 
they take late dinner at a club, if they wish to 
do so, but not otherwise. As it is now the cus- 
tom for gentlemen to wear evening dress in the 
evening, most young men of fashion do so at 
their clubs ; but a gentleman can appear in morn- 
ing dress if he prefer, just as he could at his own 
home. 

To conform to the rules about smoking, — 
avoiding pipe-smoking where it is forbidden by 
the rules of the house, and smoking only in those 
places where and at those times when it is allowed. 



&t a Cfufi 307 



It is not the Correct Thing 



To make a practice of dining early, in order to 
get more than one's share of some article of 
which there is a limited supply. 

To demand from the waiters an undue amount 
of attention. 

To become unduly excited about matters re- 
lating to religion or politics, or to endeavor to 
instruct a circle of persons who have expressed 
no desire to hear a lecture. 

To boast of one's social or other successes. 

To monopolize an undue proportion of news- 
papers and magazines, especially at a club where 
there is only one copy of each publication. 

To be unduly curious as to the doings or say- 
ings of other members, or to try to find out what 
they are having for dinner. 

To bring a dog to a club-house. 

To play games on Sunday at a club-house 
where this is not allowed. 



308 £0e Correct €§ir\Q 

It is the Correct Thing 

To be careful of the club property, and refrain 
from destroying or mutilating books, newspapers, 
etc. 

For members to avoid speaking about ladies, 
within the club precincts. A notorious club- 
scandal some years ago in New York, and the 
consequent lawsuit, made it patent to every one 
that a gentleman ought not to introduce the name 
of a lady into a conversation at a club-house ; for 
though he may do so in an entirely respectful 
manner, his words nevertheless give an oppor- 
tunity to the thoughtless or evil-tongued to make 
careless or injurious remarks about the person 
in question. 

For a club-member to be extremely careful not 
to introduce to his club, persons for whose char- 
acter and respectability he is unable to vouch, 
since the member who introduces a guest to a 
club is responsible not only for his behavior, but 
also for any debts which he may contract. 



@t a CiuB 309 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To take books, pamphlets, magazines or other 
property of a club, away from the club-building. 

For club-members to be careless in their re- 
marks, or to indulge in talking gossip or scandal. 
Although a gentleman is no longer obliged to 
answer for his words with his sword, as Avas the 
custom in the days of our ancestors, he should 
for this very reason feel in honor bound to 
be a law unto himself, and to remember that 
?ioblesse oblige. 

For a member or guest to send a servant or 
employe of a club out of the club-house on any 
business of his own, without first obtaining per- 
mission from the clerk or superintendent. 

For the guest of a club to introduce another 
person into the club-house. This would obvi- 
ously be an improper proceeding, and a violation 
of the laws of hospitality. 



3io £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

For a guest to avail himself of any or all of the 
privileges to which the by-laws entitle him, during 
the time that he is the guest of a club, whether 
it be for a day or a month. 

For the guest of a club to conform to its rules 
and regulations, remembering that the friend who 
introduced him will be held responsible for any 
violation of these laws on his part. 

For the guest of a club to leave one card on 
the last day that he visits it, addressed " To 

the President and Members of the Club." 

This card is in reality a P. p. c. card, and should 
be handed to the clerk at the desk, or put in 
a frame provided for the purpose at some club 
houses, or in the frame of the looking-glass. 
Some clubs have a scrap-book, in which are 
) sted the cards of distinguished guests. 



®t a Cfufi 311 



It is not the Correct Thing 

For any person, member or guest, to wear his 
hat in the club-restaurant. According to the 
rule in our American cities, no gentleman wears 
his hat at a club-house while eating either lunch- 
eon or dinner ; but in London it is considered 
allowable for a gentleman to do so at luncheon, 
even at the fashionable club-houses. An Eng- 
lish nobleman once caused no small commotion 
in New York club circles, by wearing his hat 
while he ate his luncheon. The members of the 
club where the incident occurred were much 
offended at this act of unintentional rudeness. 

To present a guest in a formal manner to the 
officers or members of a club, unless he ask for 
such presentation, or unless there be some 
special reason why it should be made. 



312 £0e Coned Zfyins 

It is the Correct Thing 

For critics to remember that women's colleges 
are new, while behind the older universities 
stands the culture of the centuries. 

To remember that "The Eternal Feminine 
which leads ever upward " stands for refinement, 
spirituality, unselfish love. 

To remember that the female sex for ages 
past has stood for the altruistic principle. 

To remember Emerson's sayings : " There is 
always time for courtesy." " Good manners are 
made up of petty sacrifices." 

To behave so as to refute the statement that 
women deteriorate in manners at college, while 
men improve. 

To remember that privileges necessarily entail 
responsibilities, and if one is old enough to guide 
her own conduct, she is too old to behave like a 
child or a schoolgirl. 

To moderate so far as possible the conceit 
sometimes attendant upon the acquisition of in- 
formation, especially during the sophomore year. 






<$t Coffege 313 






It is not the Correct Thing 

For critics to expect at once in women's col- 
leges, the ripeness and perfection of long-estab- 
lished universities. 

To forget that women are the high-priests of 
courtesy, whose special duty it is to preserve the 
refinements and graces of life. 

To ape the manners or behavior of men, 
since a woman can make but a poor copy of a 
man, and that copy not a pleasing one. 

To fancy that collegians are a class apart, 
superior to the usual obligations of life ; hence — 

To be neglectful of the small sacrifices and 
little amenities which add so much to the charm 
of life. 

To be purely selfish, considering one's own 
intellectual culture the supreme thing in life. 



314 ^ e Cotttct Zfyinq, 

It is the Correct Thing 

To be ever womanly, however merry and full 
of spirits. 

To remember that a lady is always distin- 
guished by quiet behavior in public places. 

To remember the poet's words : " Her voice 
was ever soft, gentle and low, an excellent thing 
in woman." 

To remember that " Order is heaven's first 
law ; " hence to keep one's rooms and belongings 
in college, tidy and in order. 

To be considerate in the demands made on 
servants. 

To remember that despite the independence of 
college life, girl students are amenable to the 
same social laws as the rest of the world, and 
need a chaperon for social occasions, just like 
other girls of the same age. 

To go to a dance under the care of a chaperon, 
or to go without one to a dance at a private 
house where no older ladies are invited, save the 
special friends of the hostess. 






®t Coffege 315 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To allow the high spirits of youth to run away 
with one, and to be noisy in the streets and pub- 
lic places. 

To let the athletic girl degenerate into the 
tomboy. - 

To be loud and noisy when travelling, even 
where the car is filled with college girls alone. 

To imagine that, because one has a cultivated 
intellect, one has a divine right to be waited 
upon, wherever one may happen to be. 

To be untidy and careless, leaving one's 
clothes and boots lying about, as if one were a 
royal personage on whom domestics should never 
tire of waiting. 

To lock one's door and carry away the key, 
when living at a private house. 

To wear loud and startling costumes when 
attending football games or other athletic con- 
tests at men's colleges. 

To go to the theatre with a gentleman and 
without a chaperon. 



316 £0e Correct Z$in<z 

It is the Correct Thing 

To go without a chaperon to the senior 
dance at Harvard, since this is now the custom, 
and a number of ladies well known in society 
matronize this dance. 

To ask one of the house mothers or teachers to 
act as matron at a dance or a theatre party. 

To have a teacher or some older lady present 
as a chaperon at any entertainment to which 
gentlemen are invited. 

If you desire to visit your brother's room in 
college, to notify him where he can meet you 
and your chaperon, as according to college rules, 
ladies must not enter the buildings except under 
the escort of students. 

For two or more students to go together to a 
matinee at the theatre, where college rules per- 
mit this. 

To treat with respect and consideration fel- 
low students who are working their own way 
through college, and to lend them a helping hand, 
should they need it, in a spirit of true fellowship. 






@t Coffege 317 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To go to a tea or class-day spread or any 
entertainment at a man's college without a 
chaperon. 

For graduates to be so anxious to perform a 
"WORK'" as to neglect the "work" awaiting 
them at home. 

For young girls to go to the theatre in the 
evening without a chaperon. 

To go to a restaurant alone with a gentleman 
at any time of day, unless it be an elderly relative 
or friend. 

To drive alone with a gentleman on lonely 
and unfrequented roads, at any time of day. 

To receive presents of jewelry from gentle- 
men, or any gifts save flowers, fruit or candy in 
moderation. 

To allow a poor fellow student to suffer for 
want of assistance. 

To offer her financial aid in any save the most 
delicate way, and always as a loan to be repaid 
at her convenience. 



318 £0e Correct Zfyinq 

It is the Correct Thing 

In all matters pertaining to a class, to arrange 
the expenses in such a way as to enable all 
to contribute, should they desire, and to allow 
none to feel burdened. 

To have class-day exercises and entertain- 
ments conducted on a simple yet dignified scale, 
remembering that lavish display and expense are 
out of place at an institution of learning, espe- 
cially in a democratic country. 

To have invitations to class-day or commence- 
ment festivities issued in the name of the class 
of nineteen hundred and blank, of a college 
fraternity or society, or of several students join- 
ing together for a spread. 

To have such invitations engraved on plain 
white paper or cards of the best material. 

To have the names of those giving the invita- 
tion engraved at the foot of it, or where there 
are too many to make this convenient, to have 
simply the names of the members of the com- 
mittee or the name of the class secretary. 









@t Coffege 319 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To make class assessments or class-day ex- 
penses so heavy as to be a burden on the poorer 
members, or to bar them out. 

To send an invitation to a young lady to attend 
class-day at a man's college without inviting her 
mother. 

To send out an invitation in the name of a 
class or society, without giving that of any per- 
son to whom a reply could be sent. 

For guests to leave their tickets at home and 
then expect to be admitted to the college yard, 
chapel, exercises or dances, forgetting that occa- 
sions at a college are not like those at a private 
house, and that strict rules must of necessity be 
made, forbidding admission without ticket or card 
of invitation. 

For students inviting guests from a distance 
to forget to provide for their comfort and con- 
venience. 



320 €§e Correct Zfying 

It is the Correct Thing 

To have class-pins and class-day dresses, as 
well as student's caps and gowns, simple and 
inexpensive. 

To enclose also the visiting-card of the student 
who sends the invitation, should one wish to do so. 

Where an answer is desired, to put " R. s. v. p." 

To reply promptly to such an invitation, since 
at some colleges it is necessary to send a second 
communication containing tickets of admission, 
to those who accept. 

At some colleges for the president of the 
senior class to receive with the president of the 
college on class-day. 

For the students at a man's college to "re- 
quest the pleasure " when inviting ladies. 

When the invitation is from part of a class 
only, to put at the head of it " Harvard Class- 
day " with the date of year, month and day. 

To remember what Goethe has said of rever 
ence, and to show respect to parents, teachers 
and elders. 



<$t Coffege 321 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To have the class-pin or class-day entertain- 
ments showy and expensive. 

To engage in hazing. This relic of the 
dark ages is passing away from our foremost 
universities. 

For guests to expect constant attention from 
their hosts, the members of the senior class, 
since the latter are usually obliged to be present 
at various class exercises and receptions. 

For the students at a man's college to use the 
" At home " form for inviting ladies. 



To look down upon your parents, because they 
know less Latin and Greek than you, or are igno- 
rant of modern science, forgetting that they 
stand high in a school on the threshold of which 
you have set your foot — the school of life. 



322 Zfyt Correct ZQim 

It is the Correct Thing 

To be grateful to one's parents for the privi- 
lege of going to college, especially where the 
latter are at great sacrifice giving their sons and 
daughters advantages which they themselves 
never enjoyed. 

To be moderate in your demands for remit- 
tances from home. 

To pay all college bills and all tradesmen's 
and other accounts promptly. 









Qt Coffege 323 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To write home only when you need money. 

To go away from college without paying your 
debts. 

To borrow from fellow students and forget to 
return or repay. 

To borrow constantly and thoughtlessly. 

To delay in repaying what you owe, especially 
to people who live by day's wages, and hence can- 
not afford to wait. 



324 £0e Correct ZfyinQ 

It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that the scheme of a coeduca- 
tional college implies a high ideal of conduct 
and manners for both men and women. 

For the women to be frank and courteous in 
manner toward their fellow students, yet always 
dignified and ever mindful of maidenly reserve. 

For the women students to win their way by 
gentleness and an appeal to the sense of fair 
play among the men. 

For the women to expect from their fellow 
students the little acts of courtesy characteristic 
of men of good breeding, 

For the women to do all things in a womanly 
way. 

For the women to ask only for a fair field and 
no favor in their studies. 

For men and women students to show a spirit 
of generous emulation in their studies, rejoicing 
in the success of clever or hard working college- 
mates, whether men or women. 






$f a Coebucafionaf Coffege 325 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To indulge in flirtations and coquetry, which 
are out of place at college. 

To be familiar in manner. 

For the men to forget the chivalry due to all 
women. 

For the women to be aggressive, arousing an- 
tagonism and dislike. 

For the women, when newly admitted to an 
institution of learning reserved up to that time 
for men, to ask for unnecessary innovations or 
to interfere with time-honored customs, where 
this can possibly be avoided. 

For the men to object because the women de- 
vote their principal time to study, and so carry 
off the prizes. 

For women to expect to receive special con- 
sideration in their work as students, or for them 
to weep copiously over low marks, thus embar- 
rassing the professor, and taking an unfair 
advantage of the fact of their sex. 



326 £0e Correct Zfyinq 



It is the Correct Thing 



To treat the scholars as if you expected them 
to do right and behave well ; as if you had con- 
fidence in them. 

To check promptly insubordination and bad 
behavior, as something unworthy of the pupils. 

To keep eyes and ears open. 

To drop the voice a note or two lower rather 
than to elevate it when it is necessary to quell 
rising disorder, since you show in this way that 
you have yourself under command. 

To call the boys " men " at the earliest age 
possible, if you wish to win their esteem and 
confidence. 

To remember that young and healthy children 
cannot sit absolutely still and quiet very long at 
a time without torture. 

To have several short intermissions, at least 
allowing the pupils to pass from one room to 
another to rest their limbs tired of sitting still. 

To speak in language suited to the age of the 
pupils, avoiding words in " osity " and " ation." 



®t gcQooi 327 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To subject the pupils to a system of espionage, 
or to treat them as if they and the teacher were 
natural enemies. 

To treat boys and girls in their teens as if 
they were little children, failing to recognize the 
fact that they are growing to be men and women. 

To lose your temper, thereby compromising 
your own dignity. 

To be provoked with those who do not laugh 
at your jokes. 

To require or expect young children to sit 
quiet for long periods of time. 

To be surprised at their squirming like eels 
when nature teaches them to do so. 

To make very complicated rules and regula- 
tions, giving the scholars the impression that 
they are governed by red-tape, rather than by 
warm human sympathy. 

To allow the bigger boys to bully and mal- 
treat the smaller ones, without telling them how 
unmanly such conduct is. 



328 £0e Coned £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To have a love of learning for its own sake, 
and to try to inspire the pupils with the same 
love. 

For young teachers to join with their pupils in 
out-door games and sports. 

To illustrate studies by concrete and visible 
objects, whenever it is possible to do so. 

To remember that you were once a boy — or 
a girl, as the case may be — yourself. 

To remember that you are being educated for 
your own benefit, and if you refuse to learn, you 
are cheating yourself out of an education. 

To remember that the calling of the teacher 
is one of the highest and noblest, as well as 
the most thankless and difficult in the world : 
hence — 

To treat your teachers with respect, bidding 
them good morning, and at the close of the 
school, good afternoon. 

To behave with as much politeness at school 
as you would at home or elsewhere. 



Qt §ct>ool 329 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To look upon your school work as a dry and 
wearisome task, and expect that you can under 
such circumstances interest your scholars. 

To allow the establishment of a snow block- 
ade, to the terror of the younger and more timid 
scholars, and the .great discomfort of passers-by. 

To pay no attention to what the scholars do 
on their way to school and out of school hours 
generally. 

To regard your lessons as poisonous drugs 
which your teachers are trying to force down 
your throat. 

To imagine that the office of teacher is a 
menial one, thus showing your ignorance of the 
fact that many of the greatest and wisest men 
have held it. 

To fail to greet your teachers courteously on 
arriving at school and on leaving it. 

To answer back or be saucy. 

To try to show your teacher that you know 
more than he does. It is not likely that you do. 



33° £§* Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To spare your teacher, who has many things 
to tire her head, unnecessary noise. 

To be loyal to your school, and to try to make 
it the best school possible. 

To remember that as no two leaves on a tree, 
no two persons in the world are exactly alike, so 
no two schools exist under precisely the same 
conditions. 

To remember also that each principal has her 
own theories to carry out, her own special pupils 
to deal with : hence — 

To accept the school as it is. 

To remember that learning has its pleasures 
and that school days should be happy days. A 
sensible boy or girl will try to enjoy school life, 
and to make it pleasant for his fellows. 






<$t gc0oof 331 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To forget that you have been placed under your 
teacher's guardianship by your parents ; hence 
they act by authority from your father and mother. 

To slam desks or thump down books, rejoicing 
in noise like a young savage. 

To sneer at or depreciate other schools. 

For those who have changed from one school to 
another, to disparage the latter, comparing it unfa- 
vorably with the one you have left, thus inspiring 
a spirit of discontent among your schoolmates. 

To act as if you thought your views and ideas 
were of more consequence than those of the 
principal, when he or she has given years of 
study to the subject. 

To try to run the school according to your 
views, a course of conduct that will be apt to 
end disastrously for you. 

To make your teacher's life a burden to her. 
This is easily accomplished and does not show 
cleverness nor originality on the part of the 
scholar. It has been done many times by stupid 
and thoughtless boys. 



332 £0e Correct £#ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that at a boarding-school the 
chief object is study : hence quiet must be 
maintained. 

To remember that where a large number of 
young people are gathered together, stricter rules 
must be enforced than at home, in order to en- 
sure quiet, and to prevent noise and confusion. 

To remember that your parents have selected 
this school as the one most suited to your needs 
and requirements. 

To conform to the rules and regulations of the 
school. 

To enter the dining-room quietly, standing 
behind your chair until the teacher gives the 
signal to sit down, or to wait in the hall until 
the teacher has passed in, following her, accord- 
ing to the custom of the school. 

To remember that in a large school, as in an 
army, there must be strict discipline in order to 
accomplish good results. 



(jXt a jjSoarimg * sc^oof 



000 



It is not the Correct Thing 

To grumble at the rules and regulations. 

To expect to behave in all respects as one 
would at home. 

To run up and down stairs, or to talk in the 
halls during study hours. 

To resist the efforts of the principal to im- 
prove your manners and behavior, forgetting 
that the time has come for you to lay aside 
childish things. 

To mimic your teacher or the other inmates of 
the school. Mimicry is a form of mocker}', and 
is always ill-bred and often insulting. 

To indulge in awkward habits and ungraceful 
attitudes, such as tucking your feet up on the 
rungs of the chair, sitting with your knees 
crossed, etc. 

To giggle or shout and scream with laughter. 

To expect from the servants the same amount 
of service as in a private house, since they have 
many more persons to wait upon. 



334 £# e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To remember that the principal may have 
reasons of her own which it may not be best to 
tell the scholars, as in Miss Edgeworth's story of 
" Barring Out." 

To be courteous to strangers and to those 
visiting the school. 

To rise when your teacher or a guest enters 
the room. 

To respect the property of others, and to re- 
frain from imprinting your illustrious name or 
initials on desks, window-panes and walls. 









(&t a Q&oarfcing * sclfaof 335 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To expect at a city school the same freedom 
possible at an establishment in the country. 

For " three little girls going to school " to for- 
get to turn out for the passers-by, thus perhaps 
forcing those whom they meet off the sidewalk. 

To expect to eat a large quantity of candy, 
and then be surprised if you have the toothache 
or are made ill. 

To rise when seated at your desk or in class, 
when the rules of the school do not permit it. 

To decorate walls, furniture or books with 
carvings from your penknife or with your pencil. 



336 £0e Correct €§ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

For one or more women of standing in a com- 
munity to invite their friends and those likely to 
be interested in their project, to meet at a cer- 
tain time and place, for the purpose of forming a 
Woman's Club. 

For one of those who has issued these invita- 
tions, to call the meeting to order at the appointed 
time, and ask for the nomination of a chair- 
man. 

When a chairman has been named, for the 
same person to ask those present to vote on the 
following question : " Shall Mrs. S be re- 
quested to take the chair?" 

For Mrs. S to take the chair and conduct 

the proceedings if the vote is in the affirmative. 
If it is in the negative, to call for another nomi- 
nation, and so on, until some one is elected chair- 
man of the meeting. 

For the chairman to call for the nomination of 
a secretary for the meeting, to be elected in the 
same manner. 



(&t a Roman's Cfu8 337 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For a stranger or a person little known in the 
community, to issue a call for the formation of a 
woman's club, without obtaining the approval 
and cooperation of one or more women of 
influence. 

For a woman to form a club, merely because 
she wishes to hold the office of president. 

For those opposed to the formation of the 
club, to nominate a chairman of their way of 
thinking. This would be unfair to those calling 
the meeting. 

For any one to act as chairman who has not 
been elected to that office. 

For any one to act as chairman who has no 
knowledge of parliamentary law. 

For a chairman to declare any measure carried, 
unless it has first been voted upon. 

For the chairman to call for the " ayes " only, 
omitting to call for the "noes/' 

For the chairman to state any question un- 
fairly or in a way to cast ridicule on it. 



338 £0e Correct ZfyiriQ 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the chairman to ask one or more of those 
who have called the meeting, to address it, 
stating their plan and their reasons for it. 

At the conclusion of such address or addresses, 
for some one to arise and say, " Madam Chair- 
man," or " Madam President, I move that we 
now proceed to the formation of a woman's 
club." 

For another member of the meeting to arise 
and say, " Madam President, I second that 
motion." 

For the chairman to state to the meeting what 
the motion is, as for instance, " It is moved and 
seconded that we now proceed to the formation 
of a woman's club." 

For those who desire, to arise and speak, 
either in favor of or against the motion. 

For a member to preface her remarks by 
addressing the chair, saying " Madam Presi- 
dent," or " Madam Chairman," adding her own 
name, where she sees she is not recognized. 



<&t a Woman's Cfufi 339 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For a chairman to snub or discourage from 
speaking, those whose views do not coincide 
with her own. 

For her to allow a speaker to wander away 
from the subject in hand. 

For the secretary to omit to take notes at the 
time of the meeting. 

For those present to make factious or unfair 
opposition to the plans before the meeting, or to 
throw cold water over ail proposals. 

To address any one in the meeting, except the 
chairman. 

To begin to speak without first addressing the 
chair. 

To feel hurt because some one else is recog- 
nized by the chair. It is the duty of the chair- 
man to recognize the person who first catches 
her eye. 

To say " Miss President " or " Miss Chair- 
man," or to address this lady by her name, as 
"Mrs. Smith." 



340 £0e Correct £0tng 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the chairman to recognize the lady desir- 
ing to speak, saying " Mrs. Jones has the floor/' 
or simply " Mrs. Jones." 

When the matter has been sufficiently debated, 
for some one to call for a vote on it, saying, " I 
call for the question," or simply "Question." 

For the chairman to say " As many as are in 
favor of forming a woman's club, please say 
' Aye,' " or if preferred, " raise the right hand." 

When the affirmative vote has been taken, for 
the chairman to call for the negative vote, say- 
ing, " Those who are opposed, will please say 
< No.' " 

If the vote is decided in the affirmative, for 
some one to call for the appointment of a com- 
mittee by the chair or by the assembly to draft 
a constitution and by-laws. 

For the question of permanent organization 
to be deferred to a later hour or to another day, 
when the committee on constitution and by-laws 
may report. 



(&t a Woman's Cfufi 341 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To address the chair without rising, save on 
very informal occasions. 

To debate a question before it has been for- 
mally stated from the chair. 

When speaking to a question, to wander off 
into side issues or irrelevant details, or to be 
very long-winded or prosy. 

To endeavor to force the meeting to decide for 
or against a plan, before it has been thoroughly 
debated, by cries of " Question.'' 

To be afraid to vote " no " lest one should be 
the only person to do so. 

To follow your neighbors like a flock of sheep, 
and vote " aye " because Mrs. A does. 

To vote without fully understanding what the 
question before the meeting is. 

For the chair to appoint as chairman of a 
committee, some one not in favor of the object 
for which it is formed. 

To have a long and ambiguous constitution. 



342 £0e Correct tfyinq 

It is the Correct Thing 

For such constitution and by-laws to set forth 
briefly and clearly the objects of the society to 
be formed, and also what the officers shall be, 
and how they shall be elected. 

If the constitution is adopted by vote of 
the meeting, to proceed to the election of offi- 
cers. 

For a club to decide in accordance with what 
manual of parliamentary law its proceedings 
shall be conducted. 

In a large club, to have the election of mem- 
bers entrusted to an executive board, the pro- 
ceedings being conducted with inviolable secrecy, 
or — 

To have a membership committee whose duty 
it shall be to inquire into the fitness of those 
recommended for new members. 

Where it is known that a candidate for mem- 
bership cannot be elected, to give the member 
who proposed her a chance to withdraw the 
name before it is voted upon. 



(&t a TEoman'0 Cfufi 343 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To have one which does not set forth under 
what circumstances it can be amended, and con- 
tains no provision for the election of officers. 

For the chairman to engage in debate while 
occupying the chair, since her position gives her 
an unfair advantage. 

To adopt a constitution and by-laws which do 
not mention the number of persons necessary to 
form a quorum for the transaction of business, nor 
state clearly the amount of annual or monthly dues, 
to whom and at what time they shall be paid, etc. 

To adopt a long constitution cumbered with 
minute details, when a club is first organized, 
and before the members know just what they 
want and need. 

To tie up the constitution and by-laws with too 
many " nots," a common fault with women's clubs. 

In a large club, to have the balloting for 
members conducted by the whole body, since if 
any one should fail to be elected, this unpleasant 
fact could hardly be kept a secret. 



344 £# e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the president to call the club to order at 
the appointed hour, and preside over its meet- 
ings, preserving order and quiet by a light tap 
of the gavel, when she finds the members are 
inclined to talk together rather than to listen to 
the speaker. 

For her to bring the business of the day before 
the club in proper order, calling upon the secre- 
tary to read communications to the society, and 
introducing the speakers. 

For her to enforce the rules of parliamentary 
law, stating in the proper manner, and putting to 
vote, all questions which are regularly moved, 
and deciding what questions may and what 
may not properly come before the club at that 
time. 

For her "To represent and stand for the 
assembly, declaring its will ; and in all things 
obeying implicitly its commands" (Cushing's 
Manual of parliamentary practice). 






<&t a Woman's Cfufi 345 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To blackball any one, unless for very strong 
reasons. 

Under any circumstances, to let the fact be 
known outside a club, that a person proposed 
for membership has been blackballed. 

For the president to behave as if she were a 
personal ruler or — 

For club members to feel obliged to adopt 
her opinion or agree with her policy. This 
attitude, too often prevalent in women's clubs, 
is doubtless due to the fact that women are not 
yet thoroughly familiar with the habits of de- 
liberative bodies, and fear to seem lacking in 
courtesy. 



346 £0e Correct Z$in$ 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the secretary to prepare beforehand 
the order of business for the day, for the 
convenience of the presiding officer, and to 
remind the latter of anything that has been 
forgotten. 

For the secretary to record carefully all 
motions and the vote upon them. 

For the secretary to copy the notes taken at 
the meeting into her book, if she choose to do 
so. 

For her to read, at the opening of each meet- 
ing, the minutes of the previous meeting. 

If these have already been entered in her 
record book, and the club order any corrections 
or alterations to be made, for her to write, in 
recording the last meeting, " The minutes of 
such and such a date were read, and it was 
ordered that such and such corrections (or addi- 
tions) be made." 

For the secretary to resign her office, if ordered 
to write what she believes not to be true. 






@t a Woman's Cfufi 347 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For the secretary to twist or distort the ac- 
count of the proceedings, or to enter in her 
minutes only those motions with which she is in 
sympathy. 

For the secretary to enter the minutes in the 
record book, where she has failed to take notes 
at the time, and is not sure of the accuracy of 
her account of the proceedings. 



For her to alter her minutes in any way, after 
they have been read to, and accepted by the 
club, unless the latter so order. 

For her to refuse to enter in her book correc- 
tions or alterations ordered by the club. 



348 £0e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the secretary to appeal to the club, where 
the executive board ask her to write what she 
believes not to be correct, or where they treat 
her, as she thinks, unfairly. 

To appoint a secretary " pro tempore,' ' to act 
in the absence of the regular officer. 

To elect as treasurer a person of standing in 
the community, and one who has some knowl- 
edge of accounts. 

For the treasurer to be able, at any meeting 
of the club, to state what amount of money is in 
the treasury. 

For the treasurer to collect the dues at the 
proper time, sending a printed form or writing 
a courteous personal note to each member of the 
club. 

For any one who is thought to have offended 
against the rules of the club to be heard in her 
own defence, before she is adjudged guilty. 

For all club members, and especially the 
officers, to welcome new members cordially. 






(&t a Woman's Cfufi 349 

It is not the Correct Thing 

For any one, save the regularly elected secre- 
tary, to enter anything in her record book, unless 
ordered to do so by the club, in case of her pro- 
tracted absence. 

For a person appointed secretary " pro tem- 
pore," to « act when the regular secretary is 
present. 

For the treasurer to neglect to balance her 
accounts carefully. 

For her to allow the club to run into debt, 
without notifying them of the fact. 

For the treasurer to send dunning notices on 
postal cards, or to be curt in her reminders to 
the members. 

For a woman's club to institute Star Chamber 
proceedings, and condemn a member, without 
giving her a chance to defend herself. 

To take as a personal grievance the defeat of 
one's candidate, or of a motion in which one is 
interested. 



350 £0e Correct £0mg 

It is the Correct Thing 

To avoid the personal note, and to remember 
that others may differ with us, about a motion, 
the election of a candidate or the like, without 
the smallest ill-feeling toward us or any inten- 
tion of treating us with discourtesy. 

Where one thinks a vote has been wrongly 
counted, minutes improperly recorded, or any 
matter unfairly stated, to arise and say so, 
courteously but firmly, asking for a recount or 
alteration. 

Where one thinks the other members are in 
error, to endeavor to persuade them of this, and 
having done so — 

To acquiesce cheerfully where the decision is 
adverse. 

To drop the consideration of a subject which 
is producing ill-feeling and undue excitement in 
the club. 

To have the social functions of a club on a 
scale suited to the means of members possessed 
of a modest purse. 



(&t a Woman's Cfufi 351 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To acquiesce, to all appearance, in the justice 
of a proceeding, and then say to those about you 
or to your friends, that it is all very unfair. 



To be over-persistent in forcing upon the con- 
sideration of the club some matter the members 
do not care to discuss. 

In the current events department, to allow 
subjects to be presented from a partisan stand- 
point, without giving an opportunity for their 
presentation from the opposite point of view. 

For a club to give lavish entertainments, 
especially where some of the members are not 
rich. 



35 2 £# e Correct <t§in$ 

It is the Correct Thing 

To attend the business and literary sessions 
of a club, when in deep mourning. 

To have the refreshments suited to the season 
and the weather. 

To be ready to do one's fair share of work 
cheerfully. 

To be willing to take office, when one's turn 
comes. 

To have the office seek the woman, rather 
than the woman the office. 



Lectures 

To have it clearly understood whose duty it 
shall be to engage lecturers. This task usually 
devolves on the corresponding secretary or on 
the chairman of the programme committee. 

In corresponding with a lecturer, to state 
whether you desire him to address the club only, 
the club and invited guests, or the general public. 

As soon as it is decided whether or not the 
club wishes to engage him, to write promptly 
and say so. 



<&t a Roman's Cfufi 353 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To attend the social reunions of a club, when 
in deep mourning. 

To give ice-cream only, on a cold, rainy day, 
or hot tea and coffee only, on a very warm day. 

For those who are busy or lacking in energy, 
to frown ori all proposals to extend the work of 
the club, where other members are ready and 
willing to carry out new projects. 



Lectures 

To invite a large number of persons to hear a 
lecture, or to sell tickets to persons outside the 
club, where the speaker has been asked to ad- 
dress the society at special rates. 

To induce a lecturer to come at a reduced 
price, on the plea that the club is poor, and then 
spend money on extensive floral decorations or 
on refreshments served to the audience, at the 
close of the address. 



354 £# e Correct £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

To have the hour, day and subject clearly 
understood a sufficient time in advance. 

For the president, secretary or chairman of 
committee to write, a week or a fortnight before 
the day set for the lecture, reminding the speaker 
of the date, and enclosing time-table of trains. 

For the secretary or some other member of the 
club to meet the speaker at the railroad station, 
with a carriage. 

To see that he is suitably entertained either 
at the house of some club member or at a com- 
fortable hotel. 

For the chairman of programme committee or 
other officer to see that the lecturer has a warm 
and comfortable room in which to wait while the 
business of the club is being transacted, taking 
him to a seat in the assembly-room, where no 
other apartment is available. 

For the club to postpone if possible the con- 
sideration of business until after the lecture, 
when the speaker is anxious to take an early train. 






<&t a Woman's Cfufi 355 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To induce some speakers to come at a reduced 
price, in order that the club may be able to pay 
a high price to another lecturer. This is con- 
trary to the laws of fair play. 

To expect a lecturer to address a large num- 
ber of invited guests for a fee appropriate to a 
small audience. 

To name, in corresponding with a lecturer, the 
hour of club meeting only, not mentioning at 
what hour he is expected to speak, thus obliging 
him in some cases to lose valuable time. 

To write to a lecturer asking him whether he 
can address the club on a certain date, and then 
omit to notify him that the club has decided to 
engage some one else. 

To allow a stranger to arrive and have no one 
meet her at the station. 

To expose a speaker to the danger of taking 
cold by sending an open vehicle with inadequate 
wraps to meet her, or by allowing her to stand in 
a cold or windy place waiting for the street-car. 



35 6 £# e Correct £0mg 

It is the Correct Thing 

For the president, secretary or other officer to 
accompany the speaker to the platform, preced- 
ing him down the aisle, in order to show him the 
way. When the speaker is a lady, she is usually 
asked to ascend the stage or platform in advance 
of her conductor. 

To ask a speaker whether he prefers to sit or 
stand, whether he needs a reading-desk or arti- 
ficial light, and in a drawing-room, where he 
prefers to stand. 



For the president or chairman of the day to 
introduce the lecturer to the audience, in a few 
courteous and well-chosen words. She should 
then take her seat on one side of the platform 
or retire to the floor. 

To have a good kerosene lamp always trimmed 
and ready for use, where there is neither gas nor 
electric light fixture near the reading-desk, and 
to place a glass of water on the latter. 



($t a Woman's Cfufi 357 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To take a speaker who has come from a dis- 
tance to the lecture hall without first ascertaining 
whether he has lunched or dined, as the case may 
be, or without asking whether he or she would 
like to make any change of toilette. 

To neglect to provide a dressing-room or at 
least a mirror, where she may ascertain the angle 
of her bonnet or hat. 

To allow a person who has come from a dis- 
tance to depart, without offering her some re- 
freshment. 

For a presiding officer to make a long speech 
when introducing the speaker of the day, or to 
disparage the views of one who does not agree 
with her, when presenting the latter to the audi- 
ence. To do this would be to take an unfair 
advantage of her position as president. 

To keep her waiting in a cold anteroom while 
the business of the club is being transacted. 



358 £0e Coned £0ing 

It is the Correct Thing 

At the close of the lecture, for the president 
to return to her place, and call for remarks 
from the members, or for questions, where the 
speaker has expressed a willingness to answer 
these. 

For the president to ascertain whether it will 
be agreeable to the speaker to meet the mem- 
bers, and to introduce a reasonable number of 
them to him. 

For club members to give entertainments to 
lecturers coming from a distance, after hav- 
ing ascertained that this will be agreeable to 
them. 

To remember that a speaker needs time for 
rest, and to refrain from killing her with kind- 
ness {Vide Ruth McEnery Stewart's " Authors' 
Reading at Simpkinsville "). 

For a lecturer to accept cheerfully and uncom- 
plainingly the small hardships of travel and the 
arrangements made by the club, wherever she 
can possibly do so. 









<$t a Woman's Cfufi 359 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To conduct any business that can be post- 
poned, while the lecturer is waiting, especially if 
the latter is not herself a clubwoman. 

To place a speaker directly in front of a bright 
light, thus rendering his face invisible to the 
audience. 

To have the clubroom so near passing trains 
that the audience have great difficulty in hearing 
what is said. 

To place large bunches of flowers on the read- 
ing-desk in such a way as to interfere with the 
convenience of the speaker and with the view of 
the audience. 

To expect a lecturer to read his manuscript by 
the aid of gas or electric-light fixtures placed high 
on the wall. 

To expect him to answer many questions after 
making a long address. 

To introduce many persons to him, especially 
if he be old or infirm, since public speaking is 
exhausting work. 



360 



Z$e Correct C0mg 



It is the Correct Thing 

For a lecturer who needs special provisions 
for her comfort or convenience, to notify her 
correspondent of these in good season. 

For a lecturer whose strength will not permit 
her to carry out a programme arranged for her 
entertainment, to say so courteously, expressing 
her sincere thanks for the offered kindness, and 
regretting her inability to accept it, on account of 
the limitations of her strength or the short dura- 
tion of her stay. 



(&t a Roman's Cfufi 361 

It is not the Correct Thing 

To introduce so much " local talent," as to 
overload the programme, weary the audience, 
and unduly detain the speaker of the day. 

For a lecturer to be brusque or curt in 
manner. 

For him to fail to respond in a spirit of cour- 
tesy and cordiality to the efforts made by the 
club to render his stay agreeable, even if he be 
too weary to enjoy the offered entertainment 



THE END. 



JUL 28 



102 



JG. 1902 



